


Dying In LA

by Kat (whenwedie)



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Domestic Fluff, Domestic Violence, Gay Sex, Hand Jobs, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Non-Consensual Oral Sex, Non-Graphic Rape/Non-Con, Rape/Non-con Elements, Self-Discovery, Sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-22
Updated: 2019-11-27
Packaged: 2019-11-28 04:06:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 31
Words: 78,912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18203303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whenwedie/pseuds/Kat
Summary: Adam is still dealing with things from his past, !major traumas. Javi is in midst of an unhealthy relationship. What happens after a chance encounter at a bar? What about when Adam finds himself with Javi as his new personal assistant?I suck at summaries. Just read and enjoy :-)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A quick note. These will be posted in shorter chapters. I have the whole story all mapped out in a rough draft so I will be posting as I go through and edit. Change and add things I want to,etc. Some will be longer than others. I make no promises how often I will post. I will aim for twice a week, but it just depends how fast I get through the editing and what else I'm doing at the time. 
> 
> Obviously I don't claim ownership of the boys, they are their own people and I am making no claim any of this happened or that either of hem are like this in real life. Its just for fun, writing keeps my mind busy.

It wasn't Adam's idea of fun, spending his late evening here. His emotions were a muddled mess in his head that he had no way of sorting. Shutting down and becoming detached from it all was easier. He couldn't put it into words, didn't feel like trying. Being out of bed and trying to function was bad enough at that moment in time.

"Adam, I can't help you if you don't talk to me. You have to tell me what you're feelimg." Doctor Murphy said, Adam sighed and sank deeper into the sofa. Maybe he could dissolve into it, cease existing. That's what he hoped anyway.

"Numb is the only way to put it. There's so much shit in my head that I can't sort, and I've just gone numb to it all." Adam threw his arms over his face, eyes hid in the crook of his elbow. He wished for a better explanation, that he could make sense of his thoughts and why he was back to this place again. Would make things easier to deal with. "I thought I had this shit sorted a under control. Again." Each time it seemed he had himself together, it all spiraled again, slipping from his grasp. Faster than he could keep up with. When he'd realize it was happening, he was back here, and it was out of his hands. It felt like taking one hundred steps back every time he took one forward.

"That's how grief works, Adam. And your case is more unique, grief isn't the only thing we're dealing with." Adam scoffed at that. His case was special. Of course it was, he couldn't do anything in a normal way. Everything he did was dramatic and over the top. Such a Queen.

Adam wasn't in a good place without what happened. It was for different reasons, but he'd lost the joy in everything he loved. He was getting it back, until that night happened. Maybe being unfeeling was better after all. The guilt that it was all his fault wasn't eating at him at least. "I'm certain that after two years, I should be able to get through the day, at the least. There should be some sense of normalcy. No one wants to be around me, I'm too mopey they say."

"There's no time limit on grief, Adam." Doctor Murphy spoke clearly, emphasizing his point. His turn to sigh. He had some difficult patients, but Adam was the most stubborn. Like this he's extra stubborn. There's times when Adam's difficult, but at least he talks. Doctor Murphy had something to work with then, he could figure out a way to help Adam. When he's like this? Adam shuts down and the whole session is trying to get Adam to talk. To give him anything to work with. "Have I ever explained to you the ball in a box analogy?" He leaned forward, hoping Adam would show at least some interest.

Adam shook his head. No he hadn't heard that one, he didn't think anyway. Though, it's possible Adam hears it and didn't remember. He didn't give his full attention much these daya. But that whole 'time limit' thing he was sure was a lie, he didn't think it should still be this hard to deal with the loss. "No. I don't think so."

"Well, let me. Maybe it'll help you understand." Doctor Murphy shifted again, he stretched, reaching to his desk in. He leaned back toward the coffee table separating him and Adam, sat down a pad of yellow legal paper and a pencil. "Come here, help me out. I want you to draw two identical boxes. One side has a button on the inside."

Adam was quiet, rubbing a hand over his face. But, he did lean toward the table and accept the paper and pencil, following the instructions. Drawing the two boxes, with a button inside them, on the left side wall of each. Setting the pencil down, he stared back at Doctor Murphy, emotionless and unsure this had a point. Murphy spoke again. "Now draw a ball inside each box. In the first one, the ball takes up the whole box. In the second, it takes up no room at all."

Adam drew the balls inside the boxes and waited. Waited for Doctor Murphy to instruct him or to explain what the fuck this had to do with anything. This wasn't helping him. "Now. The box? That's you. The ball? That's the grief. The button is that jolt of pain you feel every time the grief strikes."

Adam nodded, but he wasn't getting it. He didn't feel pain from it after all this time. There's a jolt when it first hits, but it was empty after. Blank. Nothing. Or maybe it was that Adam chose disconnecting from the emotions rather than dealing with it. "I don't get the point of this."

"I'm not done. See the first box, how big the ball is?" Adam nodded. "It takes up all the room. The slightest jostle and it hits the button. The pain spikes. That's usually what its like right after a trauma, or losing someone or something. Every single thing reminds you, jostles that box. Hits the button." He paused waiting for it to sink in. For Adam to soak it in and understand. Adam's starting to understand, so he nods. "Now the second box is what happens over time. The ball gets smaller. It shrinks. It still bounces around when the box is jostled, but it doesn't hit the button as every time."

Adam got it. He thinks. But he wasn't sure what it had to do with him. His ball hadn't shrank, going with this explanation. At least not much. "But I'm pretty sure that with this analogy, my ball hasn't shrunk."

Doctor Murphy shook his head. "It has. You've had your better times through this. But sometimes the ball shrinks, and then grows again. Sometimes when the grief hits, it makes the ball grow larger for a time. It feels like you haven't made any progress at all. But over time, the ball shrinks again."

"It hasn't. At all." Adam chuckled, but it wasn't in amusement. Disbelief, maybe. He'd need figure out his feelings if he wanted to know for sure. "I still can't even look at my en suite bathroom. Not since–" he couldn't finish that sentence. His throat felt tight.

"It has, Adam. It shrunk. I've seen it happen. Not a lot, but it has. A couple months ago you were doing pretty good, considering." Good for Adam anyway. Adam wasn't ever good it seemed. "Then it triggers that button and it grows again. And in your case, grief isn't the only ball in the box. I know there's guilt and anger in there too." That's what Murphy knows from past sessions with Adam, but it's possible there's more than that hiding in there. All those balls of emotions competing for space.

He did have his better moments, Adam thought. It made sense, but. Adam drew a third box on the paper, the same as the first two. Except he left it empty. No balls to fill it. "Except right now, my box feels more like this. And I fucking wish there was actually something there. I wish I could connect with every emotion and sort them instead of being indifferent to them." Adam sighed, leaning against the back rest of the couch again. Back to wishing it would swallow him up, or he would disappear.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Thanks to those that have been excited for the story and left comments. It makes me excited to write more and post what i already have. 
> 
> To the rest of you, you can stop. There is no reason to continue the comments, I'm not breaking any rules with my posting, nothing is showing in searches the way you claim. I'll change the tags as soon as i post this so you can stop whining, but I don't want to see another comment about it. I'm over it. Lets let people be happy and enjoy whatever pairings they like to read or write, mmkay? Your just going to make those that want the pairing feel uncomfortable for it, so move on and let us have our harmless fun, yeah?
> 
> Again, the boys are not mine, nor do I claim they are. Its a made up story from my head, fake, fiction, not real. Didn't happen.

Adam didn't feel like going home after his session. It was an evening session, so he could go out straight from the office. He didn't want to deal with people, though, either. His house though, felt empty and cold. Lonely. The same way it had felt since that night.

That's how he ended up here. Sitting in a booth off in the corner of a bar. He'd spent many nights spent here the last two years. Adam liked the place, it wasn't that busy. People didn't bother him, most of them didn't recognize him. The ones that did admired him from afar, rarely trying to talk to him. He liked it that way, it felt like he was anonymous again. Like no one knew who he was.

Adam was sitting, staring straight ahead like he did every time he was there. He barely registered the waitress bringing refills to the table, he wouldn't notice if it wasn't for his glass never being empty, like it was a bottomless pit.

Adam hadn't noticed someone sitting across from him in the least. It startled Adam when the man spoke. "Rough night?" The man was thoughtful, "Breakups are always hard. At least, so I've heard."

Adam turned his gaze to the man. Wait. The kid. Was he old enough to enter the bar? He had dark hair, the most gorgeous curls. Big blue eyes, he was slim, but not much shorter than Adam. Stomach alive with butterflies, and his heart rate increased, skipping beats. His breath even caught in his throat. What the fuck was going on with his body? There's no way any of that meant what he thought it did. Adam scoffed. "That they do, but it would be easy compared to this." Running a hand over his face, he sipped at his drink. "And trust me, you don't want to know."

Adam kinda wished this kid would get the hint and disappear so he could wallow in his misery alone. He didn't want to talk, or be friendly. Though at the same time, the kid was intriguing to Adam. There's a mystery surrounding him, something haunting, and Adam wanted to find out more. Adam didn't feel annoyed by the kids mere presence, but those damn butterflies and skipping heartbeats had his brain more muddled than it was to start with. "Maybe not. But if its not a break up, what else has you sitting alone in a bar?" The kids gaze darted over the room, noticing people scattered in the bar, staring at Adam. "Don't you find it weird people are staring at you? That guy looks like he wants to eat you."

"I would like to forget my reason for being alone in a bar, not vomit it all out in the open for some stranger." Adam glanced across at the kid again, his heart doing that weird skipping beats thing again. Following the kids gaze to an older man that was there every time Adam came in. He had talked to him one time. The man had recognized him. But after he looked from across the bar, staring at Adam, he didn't notice anymore. "Robert? Yeah, he probably does. He sends drinks over sometimes hoping to get my attention." Adam gave the waitress a nod in thanks when she brought another drink over too him. "If you're hoping to get in my pants, you're gonna have to go find someone else, kid." Adam could be blunt sometime, no filters, no sugar coating. His brain just up chucked the words.

Taken aback by the comment, the kid's unsure where or how this man got that idea. He would have made a smartass comment about assuming if he wasn't so thrown off his game. "I'm not– What makes you think I'm just trying to get in your pants?" He asked, calling the waitress over to order his own drink. For some reason, the man called to him. Made him Want to get under his skin, find why this guy was drinking alone and looking so sad.

"I think we both know the reasons people come to bars and drink alone. Either they're looking to hook up with someone, or they're having a bad time and want to forget their problems. Sometimes both." Adam shrugged. Sipping his tequila again, his stomach lurched, protesting the idea of anymore alcohol so he pushed the glass to the side. "You don't seem like you fall into the latter category. At least, i don't think, but maybe you just hide it well." That mysterious, haunting look to the kid is back. Maybe he did have something going on. "So, if you're not trying to pick me up, what exactly are you doing?"

The kid stared at the man. Dumbstruck. What was he doing? He didn't know. The kid had seen the man sitting there, looking so, sad? That wasn't right the word for it. It's something more than sadness on the mans face. Something about him drew the kid in, he couldn't stop himself coming over, like the man's a magnet and the kid was is iron. Couldn't stop it if he tried. Needed to know more about the man across from him. "I thought you could use some company is all. I'm Javi."

Adam blinked and looked over at he kid – _Javi, apparently_ – again. How did he look like he wanted company? Adam was the last person anyone wanted to hangout with. He had pushed all his friends away to the point they didn't even try anymore, not on his best days, and certainly not on his worst. Laughing, Adam turned his gaze Javi again. "Well, I can't say I do actually want the company, Javi. It won't take you long to figure out I'm no fun to be around and want to run for the hills."

"I think you're suppose to introduce yourself now, too." Javi said with a teasing tone to his voice. Javi wanted to get to know this man, to know his reason for being here. "Just how do you know what would make me go running? I might be able to handle more than you think. Come to think of it, I could have just as much weighing on me."

Adam stared at Javi for a long moment. Didn't he recognize Adam? Javi didn't know who he was? Well, that might be a first. Okay, maybe not a first, but if they came up to him, it was because the knew him. "It's Adam if you must know." Shifting, Adam slipped from the booth to stand. He must have stood too fast because he felt dizzy, and wobbled. Yeah, _that_ was the problem, _not_ all the alcohol he consumed. Holding the table for support, Adam shook his head. "Trust me, you'll want to run far away from the mess I've become. Everyone else has. I wouldn't expect you to be any different. Now if you'll excuse me, I should get home."

"Well, Adam, now you've just challenged me to prove that I'm not like everyone else." Javi didn't miss the way Adam still wobbled when he let go of the table and started to walk away. Adam clearly had a large amount of alcohol judging by the amount of empty glasses on the table. Javi was up on his feet and at Adams side. Tucking himself under Adams arm, an arm encircling Adams waist to support him. His phone out to call them a cab. "At least let me make sure you get home okay?"

Adam nodded, in no position to argue. The alcohol hit him quick once he stood. He had to lean on Javi to keep from falling over or tripping over his own feet. "I don't want to go home." Was all he managed as an argument. Might have told Javi that's what he was doing, but Adam had no intention of going home. Was wanting away from Javi, those butterflies in his stomach and skipping heart beats that kept fucking with his head. Though, he was just glad that the press and paparazzi had lost interest in him a few years back. There's little chance of them waiting outside the front for him.

"Need your address, Adam." Javi was asking as they were climbing into the cab a few minutes later, the driver waiting for directions. Adam shook his head while leaning towards the door, resting his forehead against the cool glass. It felt good against his over heated skin.

"No. I don't wanna go home." Javi thought Adam sounded a bit like a toddler that wasn't getting their way. The driver was still waiting for an address, wanting to know where he was taking the men. Javi's unsure what to do if Adam doesn't want to go home, Adam isn't giving him an address. Where did he take him? Javi couldn't just leave him here. Sighing, Javi decided he would take Adam home with him, thanking whatever higher power might be listening that he had the place to himself for the time being. But what was he doing? What was he thinking?


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry the chapters are short, its just easier for me to go through them and edit in the smaller chunks like this. Some are longer, though some are shorter. I'll be able to get through and post more this way :-) the comments have been appreciated!

It took Javi some time to maneuver Adam from the cab and up the steps to his apartment. Adam wasn't helpful either, swaying and pulling from Javi's grip on him. Insisting he could do it himself as he staggered and held tight to the railing. Javi sighed in relief when he deposited Adam his couch. "Where did you bring me?" Adam was mumbling and Javi shook his head.

"My apartment." Javi explained as he headed to the kitchen, grabbing a bottle of water for them. When he came back to the living room, Adam was in a sitting position. Well, mostly. Sinking low on the couch, if Adam scooted his ass any closer to the edge, he'd slide into the floor. There's a framed photo in his hand from the end table, that he's examining.

"Do you make it a habit to bring strangers back to your house? I thought you weren't trying to get into my pants?" Javi could swear to a hint of amusement in Adams voice that time. Like maybe he was showing a flicker of emotion to Javi. Well, it was a start. Javi handed Adam a bottle of water, sitting on the other end of the couch. Adam turned the picture toward Javi. "Who's this?" He asked with curiosity, pointing to the picture. One man was easy enough, it was Javi. But Adam was asking who the other man in the photo was.

"Its not a habit, no. But you seem harmless enough and wouldn't give an address, I didn't know what else to do with you." Javi explained. It was far from a habit, something avoided. If he was somehow caught bringing Adam here, Javi shuddering at what might happen, fear flashing across his face. "That's me and my fiancé." Javi said nonchalant, shifting to curl his legs underneath himself.

Adam sighs, contemplative. A flash of envy, and hurt on Adam's face. But it's fleeting and Javi isn't certain it was there at all. "You're engaged? And you brought me here?" Turning his head toward Javi, shifting after placing the picture back. Needing to get up, to leave, but his limbs are heavy, his movements clumsy. Moving is way too much effort with the alcohol in his bloodstream. Javi's statement, the whole idea. It evoked heavy feelings, memories. _What happened to being numb? "_ Why did you bring me here? I'm so not into being the other man,"

Javi's laughing, hard and panting for breath after. It was a beautiful laugh, and Adam found himself wanting more of it. But he wasn't sure what was so funny. "Trust me, I wouldn't be upset to if it went that way. But that wasn't the plan." Javi said with a shrug. He wasn't that worried, it would serve Jason right to get a taste of his own medicine. "You can relax though, he's not home. Out of the country actually. Somewhere in Milan surrounded by young, overly gorgeous, half naked models." There's no way he'd be leaving the apartment on his own if Jason was home, nevermind bringing someone home. It didn't matter, he was never home anymore, Javi found that more relieving than bothersome. Gave him a break.

"Oh." Was all Adam said, relaxing again. At least he wasn't getting caught tonight, no awkward explanations. Adam surveyed the room, taking in the boxes stacked in the corner. "You're not from around here, are you?" Changing the subject, better option than discussing a cheating partner. Something Adam found disgusting and would never get the point of. The questions he wanted to ask were none of his business.

"No. Colorado. Jason thought he'd be closer to business here." And it was isolating Javi even further, getting him far from everyone that cares for him. No escape. Javi ran a hand over his face, pushing his dark curls from his face. "Then he ran off and left me to finish putting shit together."

"LA will eat you alive, kid." Javi still had that mystery about him, something beneath the surface that was weighing on him. Maybe it was the relationship, maybe it was the move, homesickness. "Look, I'm probably overstepping. But I've seen it happen too many times. People come here with big dreams, and they're slowly torn to pieces and lose sight of what they wanted in the first place. The constant rejection and longing turning them into a shell of themselves. By all means, if there's something you're after, go for it. Grab every opportunity by the horns, and do it. But you have to ask yourself if you can handle what comes with those opportunities, you need a good support system. If someone's dragging you down and making life harder, you don't need them. Find what makes you happy and gives you the most joy, and fight for it. Don't stop chasing after that feeling."

Javi nodded and turned his gaze to Adam. "Why don't you take your own advice?" Javi asked. Adam said these things, but there's a melancholy aurora surrounding him. Made Javi want to learn what this man had gone through for his eyes to be so far off and empty. Has Adam lost his will to fight?

Adam chuckled. He hasn't done anything but chase that joy for so long. Every time he was getting somewhere, something happened. Pushed him back down a few notches. "Trust me, I've done nothing but that for years. Chasing after that something that brings me joy. Sometimes I think I know what it is, that I have it. There's been times I knew for certain I had it. It always slips through my fingers." Things were good at times. Fantastic. When his career took off, it was one of those moments. He was living his dreams. And when he fell in love, things were that much better. But that's when everything started going downhill too. "I'm not giving up, it just gets tiring fighting so hard to get back up all the time. Sometimes I just need a break from the fighting and searching."

"Is that what tonight's about?" Javi asked, curious still. It was none of his business, but Adam had offered up the information, however vague it may have been. _Was it the city that had Adam so down? Maybe missed opportunities?_

"Yeah. There's just a lot going on here," Adam said, finger on his temple. "And weighing heavy here." Pointing to his chest, over his heart. "I just needed to escape for a few hours. Though, it's starring to feel more and more like there's no reason left to fight."


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An extra short one. Sorry, I'll make it up with the next two parts if I get time to double check my editing tomorrow because they're shorter ones too.
> 
> Thanks to those reading and leaving comments.

Adam woke up the next morning due to his phone alarm. Fuck, he forgot he had meetings this morning. He reached for his phone on his bedside table and almost rolled off the, erm, couch? _What the fuck? Where was he?_ His couch wasn't that easy to roll off, so he wasn't at home.

His phone's in his pocket he realizes, pulling it out and shutting the alarm off, blinking his eyes open and taking in the room. The night before and Javi creeping back into his memory. He was at Javi's, not at home. Relieved in a way, at least he didn't have to face his empty, lonely house, the feeling of dread, for that much longer. His en suite bathroom wasn't staring him in the face.

Adam pushed himself to his feet, managing to find a bathroom, the door open and inviting. He took his time relieving himself, and made himself half way decent. At least smoothing his hair down and rinsing his face. He's as quiet as possible, didn't want to wake Javi. Though he found himself wanting to see Javi again. Something about him had Adam more at ease. Maybe it was because Javi wasn't trying to force him to talk, maybe it was those butterflies that began to wake up at the mere thought of Javi. But at that, a wave of guilt hit him. Javi is a stranger, and taken, he shouldn't find of so easy to lust after him. Now he was wishing he was as disconnected as he had been the day before.

Adam called for a cab after figuring out where he was. While he waited, he found some paper and a pen. Leaving a quick note with his number, he would leave it up to Javi if they see each other or talk again. He sighed, rubbing a hand over his face and pushing himself to stand. Making sure he had everything important, he headed out the door to wait outside for his ride.

> Javi,  
> Thanks for making sure I didn't do anything stupid last night. You're a good guy, don't get swallowed up by the big bad city ;-)  
>  Call or text sometime if you need an ear. 000-000-0000  
>  \- Adam.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Even shortee bit the next part is coming shortly :-)

Adam was in the studio, an early morning adventure that was going on for a few hours already. It didn't matter how many times Adam insisted he was useless this time of day, they always scheduled meetings or studio time this time of day.

Ever sine the other night when he met Javi, Adam's phone is distracting anyway, so he's extra useless. Checking his phone every two seconds, waiting, hoping that Javi would text or call. It scared him how much he kept hoping to hear from the kid, how his heart skipped a beat every time his phone buzzed, his stomach sinking with disappointment when it wasn't Javi. The kid probably hasn't given Adam a second thought.

Someone was babbling at him about recording, one of his producers. Something Adam should have done right in the first place because no one likes Adam's ideas. He wanted out, he needed coffee. He would send his assistant, but he just got a new one. And they were twenty minutes late on their first day. Adam couldn't find the energy to find the tardiness annoying. But he needs a coffee run, to get away from the lecturing of how to sing his own songs.

"I need coffee or I'm falling asleep here. Anyone else want anything?" Adam said as he stood, stretching his arms above his head.

"Isn't that what your assistants for?"

"Do you see anyone here? They're late and I'm tired of waiting. So, if you want anything?" Adam raised an eyebrow, waiting. He took the couple orders and headed for the door colliding with someone on his way out. Just his luck.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All for now :-) I'll post another sometimes during the week. Thanks for reading and the comments are appreciated.

Javi's stomach sank when he awoke to find Adam gone. But _what was he expecting_? He gave a drunken Adam a safe place to crash, that was all, though, there's a constant debate over whether to call Adam or not the last couple days. Was he expected to? Adam had gave him the number, maybe he was waiting to hear from Javi?

There's no time for that debate now, he's late to his new job. First day, way to make an impression, right? Entering the studio building, he went to the reception desk, rattling off his name and reason for being there. Javi didn't like the look the woman gave him when he said who he would be working for.

He follows her directions though, heading down the long hallway. When he reached the door, it opened, someone stepping out. Javi turned his eyes up at the man he just collided with. "Adam?" Maybe he was going crazy. What were the chances of running into Adam here? _He was seeing things right?_

Adam's head was all over he place. Or mostly on Javi, why couldn't he shake the kid from his head? He met him once, he wasn't likely to see Javi again. When he collided with someone as he stepped from the door of studio office, he sighed. His eyes shot open and towards the voice when the person spoke. "What the fuck? Are you stalking me?"

Javi shook his head, he hadn't been. He would have laughed, but Adam didn't appear amused. Quite the opposite, and tired. Javi resisted the urge to ask if he was getting enough sleep and laughing at the situation. "I could ask you the same thing." Javi shrugged. "I just need to get in there, I'm already late. Shitty LA traffic and alarms that don't go off on time." Pushing a smile, he tries to move passed Adam and into the office.

Adam stopped him though, blocking the door. "You've got to be kidding me, right? You're the assistant they sent?" Adam shook his head. "Great." That's all he needed today, he couldn't shake Javi anyway, now he would be working with him, adding to his confusion. But he needed to get out for a few anyway. "You're with me. I need coffee. Well, i'd like something a lot stronger, but that's apparently unacceptable this time of day."

Javi was in shock. How could it be that he happened to end up working for Adam? He hadn't thought anything of the name. Adam hadn't given a last name, and its not like Adam was an uncommon name. "Isn't that part of my job?" Javi asked, following along side Adam back down the hall he just came from.

"Well, yeah. But you're late and I've already decided to do it myself. I can't take much more of the nagging if I don't get out of there for a minute." Adam shrugged and he led Javi back out of the building and to his car. He was having one of those days where he might have a meltdown at any second, everything muddled and overwhelming in his head. Much the opposite of the last time he seen Javi when everything felt numb and empty.

Javi noticed the change immediately. The different emotions that flashed across Adam's face, in his eyes. Things Javi couldn't place, but it was much different than the shut down, blank look from three nights ago. "Sorry about that. Being late that is. It's been a long morning already." Javi had a feeling the rest of the day wasn't going to be any better.

"You're telling me." Adam sighed. "Don't apologize. In this business it makes you look weak. I'm not known for being on time myself, so I won't scold you too much for it."

"Sorry – " Javi flustered, his cheeks heating up when Adam shot him a glance his way. His hands coming up to cover his face. "Sorr– I mean. I'll keep that in mind." It was would be hard to break himself of that habit though.

Adam shot a glance at Javi again, the corner of his lips curling into a smirk. Javi was cute when he blushed. "I think I might like having you around." Adam shook his head. A wave of guilt washing over him at that. _He shouldn't be thinking Javi was cute_ , or liking his company that much. And its overwhelming when the grief strikes, the memories clear in his mind. Driving around on free afternoons to clear their minds, no destination in mind. "Do you want anything?" He asked, pulling into the drive thru. Adam was doing everything in his power to hold himself together right now.

Javi nodded, giving Adam his order. Its obvious Adam's on the verge of bursting at any moment. So Javi keeps quiet, not wanting to say anything to cause it. He held the tray of drinks on the drive back to the studio. When they parked outside the studio again, he waits a few moments. But Adam wasn't making a move to get out of the car, his grip tight on the steering wheel, and staring out the driver side window. "You can go inside. I'll be in in a few." Adam said, rubbing a hand over his face and Javi nodded, Adam needed a minute alone, and gave a quiet 'okay.'


	7. Chapter 7

Adam's back fifteen minutes later. Javi glances up from his spot on the couch, Adam's eyes were blood shot, red and puffy. Obvious he was crying before he came in, Javi said nothing though, if Adam wants to talk he will. Not that it will be Javi Adam chooses to talk to, why would he? He doesn't know Javi.

Adam ran a hand over his face, turning to the others. "Alright, let's get back to work." He said, turning his back on Javi as he went over to the mixing table. Everyone was chattering about what they were working on, what Adam needs to do, how to do it and when. It has to be exhausting always doing what someone else tells you all the time.

"Adam?" Javi was unsure what he should be doing. _Did he just sit there? Was there something he should be helping Adam with?_ It takes him a few tries of calling Adams name to get his attention.

"Yeah?" Adam asked, not turning to look at Javi. He was reading over something. A piece of paper. Javi couldn't see what he had, he assumed it was lyrics or sheet music maybe, notes of some kind.

"What do I do?" Javi asked, shifting his position on the couch, leaning over to toss his empty coffee cup in the trash.

Adam turns that time, not much though, a glance over his shoulder. "You can just sit there and look cute." Adam winked, it was playful. Javi kinda wanted to see more of that side of Adam. Right back to what he was reading over, Adam shrugs. "I'll let you know if I need anything."

Javi's positive Adam ignores him the rest of the day and into the evening. He listens as Adam and the crew went over recordings. Tweaking things, recording new things where needed. At some point Adams finding everything frustrating, ready to start tearing his hair out, though it's not Javi's place to worry or step in. The others weren't listening to him, or it wasn't sounding the way he wanted. Or that it did sound like he wanted and no one else liked it. Yeah, Javi doesn't want to be in Adam's pace at all.


	8. Chapter 8

That's how the rest of the week goes too. Javi spends his time playing games on his phone and listening to the recording and revising process. It's like Adam doesn't need him. At least not often. And Adam doesn't say two words to Javi unless he does need something. Adam has that emptiness back in his eyes that he had the first night they met. Javi's unsure what to make of any of it. But he wants to dig deeper with Adam. Wants to be near him, wants more of those sparks that happen every time their hands brush while passing a cup or item.

"You can go, you know. I'll be out of here in a few." Adam says. They're the last two there, Adam still listening to whatever he has been working on all day over and over.

"Have I done something wrong?" Javi asks, sitting up straighter. He's starting to collect his things and put them away. Adam sets his headphones down and turns to Javi with confusion.

"No? There's just no reason you need to stay here with me. Surely you've got something more exciting to do?" _How does telling Javi to take the rest of the night off would give him the impression he did something wrong?_

"No, not that. Just in general. You've acted like I'm not even here since the first day. Like you don't want me here and trying to avoid it." Javi states, and Adam sighs, getting up and moving to the couch next to Javi.

"No, you didn't do anything wrong. But I told you that first night, you'd be running for the hills before too long." Adam points out. It's the opposite anyway, finds himself wanting close to Javi all the time. _Plus, he's not ignoring Javi, is he?_ He was working. That's all. Maybe? Or maybe he was avoiding the kid. He's avoiding the things Javi makes him feel, things he shouldn't. Things that overwhelm him with every possible emotion at once.

"And I told you, you only challenged me to prove I'm not like everyone else." Javi raises an eyebrow. "Though you haven't done anything to send me running yet. You just seem to close yourself off and not let anyone in." Javi shifts, slipping his things into his bag. "Just makes me all the more determined to get you to open up and prove I can handle it."

Adam chuckles at that. A genuine laugh, not the ones Adam has been faking with his colleagues throughout the week. It's a good look on Adam. Javi wants to find ways to get him to laugh more. "You really don't know anything about me? You had no idea who I was? You know you can Google my name right? Everything is out there for the whole world to see."

"You should laugh more often." Javi says before he has a chance to stop himself. "You know, I actually thought about that. But it felt too much like an invasion of privacy. I would rather hear it from you when you're ready to share."

"You'll have to find more ways to make it happen then." Adam challenges. He finds it impressive that Javi wants to get to know him face to face. Not take the easy way and read all about him online. "In that case, you might be waiting a while. I can't say I'll ever be ready to talk about it."

"Challenge accepted." Javi's making it his mission to get Adam to laugh. Because Adam should be happy and laughing all the time. "I can be patient. I'll just have to keep trying to get you to crack –" Javi phone buzzing in his pocket interrupts. He fishes it out to see who it is and ignores the call, his attention was back on Adam.

"You don't have to ignore calls on my account. You should get out of here. Go out, have some fun." Adam insists and Javi shrugs. He hasn't met anyone in LA.

"It was just Jason. I'm sure he can find someone else to keep him occupied 'til I call him back." Javi says, a frown gracing his face for half a second. "Anyway, I don't really know anyone here. So I'll just sit at home alone when I leave here. Not like you–" Javi rolls his eyes when his phone buzzes again, shooting Adam an apologetic look. He answers this time. "What do you want? I'm working." But his eyes open wide. "Okay, okay." Jumping up, grabbing his things in a rush as he shoves the phone back in his jeans. "Apparently he's home early." And pissed that Javi wasn't there waiting for him. It's obviously unheard of for someone to work late. "I have to go."

Adam raises an eyebrow. The way Javi jumps up and starts grabbing his things, was that fear? It wasn't someone happy for their fiancé to be home, that's for sure. "You know you don't have to stay with him right?" Adam's saying, but it wasn't any of his business what was going on in Javi's relationship. "Take tomorrow off. Day after I start Queen rehearsals. You have all the info for the studio?" Javi nods, giving a meek and timid 'yeah' as he heads for the exit. Adam doesn't want to consider what Javi's going home to with that much fear in his eyes.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Idk maybe there should be warnings for this chapter? Just in case? 
> 
> Probably as graphic as the situation will be, at least as far as what's written out. Its harder for me to write these things.

Javi steps inside, toeing his shoes off as he shuts the door and sets his things down. Staying with Adam at the studio is more appealing than being home with Jason. But keeping Jason waiting would just create more trouble for himself.

"Hi, baby. Where have you been?" Jason's trying to play nice. Javi has enough experience not to fall for it.

Javi freezes. _Fuck, wrong response_. Forcing a smile, trying to keep the grimace from his face, turning to Jason. "Welcome home, big boy." Leaning up, he places a kiss to Jason's lips.

Then he's against wall, pinned on place, the hand in Javi's hair jerking his head back hard. "You know, you're suppose to be waiting here to greet me when I get home."

"I would have been if I knew you were coming now." Javi groans, his eyes wide as he stares up into the rage filled eyes. _Why did he stay?_ He can't begin to answer that. This is the shit he puts up with every time Jason's home. There's no way of knowing what mood he will be in.

"Wanna try that again?" Jason snarls, his gaze red hot and burning holes into Javi.

"Sorry. I'm sorry." Javi hisses as Jason's grip tightens in his hair, pulling against the hold. "What do you want, Jay? Anything, baby, I'll make it up to you."

"Stop. Talking." The grip on his hair disappears, but Jason's pushing him down hard, Javi falling to his knees. _Well, shit. That would bruise._ But its nothing compared past assaults from Jason. "First, you're gonna suck my dick with that pretty mouth of yours. Then you're gonna quit that job. You don't need it, I take care of you, baby."

He doesn't get a chance to agree or not. To any of that. Jason has his pants open and his dick out. He's nudging Javi's mouth open with the tip, replacing the death grip he had on Javi's hair moments ago.

Javi opens for it, hands on Jason's thighs and resisting the urge to hold him still. To stop Jason from gagging him. It's over faster if he lets Jason take what he wants, if Javi let's Jason fuck into his mouth. Better to take it, dissociate from the situation instead of fighting it.

"Look at you. Your mouth is made for cock sucking." Jason coos, Javi gagging and choking with every rough thrust down his throat, but it's over soon enough.

His mouth full of come, Javi's coughing, trying to catch his breath. Jason's foot connects with his ribs, knocking the air from his lungs. Falling forward, Javi caught himself with one hand, opposite arm holding around his ribs.

"I expect you home and waiting for me with dinner on the table when I get home tomorrow. Now clean yourself up, and give that pretty boy boss of yours a call to put in your notice." Jason mutters, his voice cold, uncaring. "Make it quick, too. We're going out."

Javi holds the tears stinging his eyes back until Jason walks away. He's about to protest going out, stops himself. There's no use. _This is your life Javi, you chose it, you have to deal with it. **Or do something about it**_. Not how he wants to spend his evening. If Jason wants Javi to go with him, that means one thing. He needs a plaything for the night, or maybe needs to make himself look like a doting fiancé. He grimaces, pushing himself to his feet. His ribs would bruise good, could tell that when he moved. His jaw and throat aching, saliva and come trickling down his chin. It was disgusting, and he moves quick as he can to the shower, turning the dial hot as he could stand.


	10. Chapter 10

Javi's late. Of course he is, because fucking Jason. _Bad choice of words, though it could be taken quite literal._ Javi was suppose to put in his notice, that he was quitting. He said something to Adam in passing, but Adam waved him off, didn't accept. Honest, he has no intention of actually quitting anyway, he can't stand another day sitting home on his own, staring at the TV with a blank expression.

These couple weeks are better. At least when it comes to Adam anyway. Home is a different story. Adam's in better spirits working with Queen, far as Javi can tell any way. Though, it could be Javi's imagination. But Adam does appear better with the guys, like it makes all the difference they accept him and let him do what he wants.

It's Javi that withdraws these weeks. Because of Jason being home. He prefers keeping to himself, easier that way. Doesn't have to worry someone notices a bruise, or Javi's difference in attitude. No questions that way. He's meek and timid, doesn't speak to Adam unless he has to, or Adam addresses him first. And then, it was quick one word answers. Adam loses interest trying to talk to Javi fast that way.

Javi stops on his way, making Adam's tea. When he gets in the room, today isn't going to be a good day. He can tell with one glance at Adam. It's as if he's ready to tear out his own hair. _What happen between now and yesterday that put him in that mood?_ "Adam." Javi says, stepping closer.

"What?!" Adam snaps at his name, and it registers who the voice belongs to. "Oh now you can speak to me? And you're fucking late." Javi flinches when Adam turns to shoot a glare at him, barely avoids spilling the scalding liquid in the cup he's holding.

"Sorry. Sorry, I'm sorry. It won't happen again, I got held up." Literally. More like held down, he wasn't able to squirm from Jason's hold. He grimaces, recalling the first day, what Adam said about apologizing, and his reflexes. Adam caused him to flinch. _Stupid, it was Adam, not Jason. Adam wasn't going to hit him._ "Shit. Sor- uhm. You're mad." Flushing, cheeks red, Javi offers the cup. "Your tea."

"I just can't do this today." Adam rubs a hand over his face. He takes the offered cup, raising an eyebrow at Javi's reaction. _Did he give Javi a reason to flinch and back away like that?_ "I- No. I'm not mad. Just a bad day."

"Adam, just take some time for yourself. We'll resume tomorrow." Brian tells him, Adam shaking his head.

"No. I'm okay." He wasn't at all. Not today. It's one of those days he wishes he could stay in bed and sleep away. And he's fumbling more by the second as he's gathering his lyric sheets and notes, ends up dropping them all over the floor. "I don't need them. Whatever. Let's keep going."

"I think Brian's right. You should get outta here. Are you sure you're okay?" It wasn't like Adam to let things get to him here. In the short time Javi knew Adam, even in the worst of moods, Adam held it together and doesn't let it show while working. So for him to fumble with his notes, and, _did he just knock his mic over?_ Javi startles, ready to duck at the noise. Yeah. It's bad if Adam's that off.

Adam shakes his head. "Not really." Adam says, near whisper. He wasn't okay at all. He was starting to think he never would be at this point. "I really just feel like smashing shit, and-" Adam pauses, _why is Javi so jumpy at everything?_ He's turning to Javi. "I need a hug. Can I?" Why is he asking Javi? Because he's still drawn in by the man, Javi makes him feel better, calmer, without doing anything.

"Yeah, if it helps." Javi can't say no to the request. And for once, it's not because it's his boss and he has to. Or because Jason has it in Javi's head that no isn't an option, he's suppose to take or do whatever's asked of him. But it's because its Adam and Javi Santa to, wants to help him, and a hug is harmless. Except, it isn't because Adam's arms are tight around him, pressing into old and new bruises on his ribs. Plus he's just squeezing the life out of Javi. Hissing in pain, Javi taking a deep breath. "Whoa, Adam. Too tight, can't breathe."

"Sorry." Adam murmurs, loosening his hold, though the hiss of pain concerns Adam. _He wasn't squeezing that hard, was he?_ Adam doesn't question it though, can't. He's still trying to figure out how Javi puts him so at ease. Which is confusing when his mind is screaming at him to stay away, its wrong. Javi's too young, too taken. Adam's heart says it doesn't matter, that age doesn't matter, and maybe Javi is in his life for a reason. "You should go home, go surprise your man with something special. I need to go se–" Going to say he needs to go see his man. But he stops himself, "I have something I need to go do. So I'm gonna take that day for myself."

Javi doesn't question what Adam starts to say, he laughs at the comment. It's a fake laugh, trying to hide that he doesn't want to go home to Jason at all. Was glad to be away from him for a few hours. "I doubt he's at home right now." That's a fact, he left on a shoot before Javi left the apartment. "But yeah, I'll find something to do with the rest of my day." The last thing Javi wants to do is go home, but with Jason out, maybe it wasn't so bad. At least for a few hours anyway.

Javi's gaze follows Adam as he tells Brian and Roger he'll see them tomorrow, apologizing for being unfocused. He's collecting his jacket and keys, and he's out the door. "Enjoy your day, I'll see everyone tomorrow." He gives a wave and heads for the door himself.


	11. Chapter 11

Adam left the rehearsal studio, he couldn't focus today. Fucking up the words and the melodies, half the time not knowing what song they're doing. They were getting nowhere. Maybe tomorrow will be better.

There's a reason for that, an anniversary and someone he needs to see. He crosses the grassy area off the path he was walking on, stopping when he reaches his destination. Pausing, Adam takes a deep breath, holding himself together. Barely. It's too long since he was here last. Adam hates coming, makes everything too real. But, then, going home to the empty quiet house they once shared did that too.

Adam sets the bunch of balloons and flowers he brought along down on top of the head stone, dropping to his knees. "Today would have been our anniversary, and you have no idea how much I miss you, Noah." His voice is shaky, and tears are threatening to spill over. That never takes long when he comes. "I brought you your favorite." Adam puts the single cupcake on the ground in front of the stone. It's silly, Adam knows that. But he was always spoiling Noah on special days, and it wasn't any different the last two years.

"I'm sorry I don't come more often. I get so busy, you know?" Always the excuse. It was his excuse when Noah was alive too, too busy to stay home, too busy to notice how bad Noah was struggling. The tears do fall then, he can't hold them in any longer. If Adam quit focusing on his own shit, his own career and his own meltdowns for ten minutes, maybe things would be different. Maybe he wouldn't be sitting in a graveyard to celebrate their anniversary. "You know how hard it is for me to visit. Reminds me inattentive I was to you, that I didn't know things had gotten so bad."

There's anger now. Anger and guilt at himself because he didn't notice Noah's struggles in time. But, Noah was only thinking of himself and his own pain, not what him being gone would do to those who loved him. Adam gives up trying to fight his emotions, letting them all out. He sits down, leaning against the headstone, and he cries. Sobbing until he can't breathe, until there's no tears left to cry. "I need to let you go, and move on, baby. But it's hard." Taking a deep breath to get air in his lungs. "I have a new assistant, I think he's cracking me. He's determined to anyway. Every time he's around I almost forget about how much I miss you. Then I just feel guilty for it, it makes me feel like I'm forgetting you. Its stupid, huh? I mean, he's also taken and nearly half my age. The taken parts probably more important there." Adam chuckles at himself. Of course that would be his luck. "I really wish I could hold you just one more time, Noah. That I could just hold you and tell you everything will be okay."

Adam reaches up, wiping the tears from his cheeks. He sits there for a long while, talking, spilling out everything on his mind. Tells Noah everything going on since last time he visited. It was hard to come here like this, but sometimes it helps. Sometimes rambling and getting everything out takes the weight of it all from him. Until it all builds up again, anyway. "You know, I think I tell you more than I do my therapist, too bad you can't do his job for him and tell me how to fix the mess in my head." Speaking of, he has an appointment with doctor Murphy he needs to get to. Shifting, Adam nods gets to his feet and lets out a trembling breath."I love you, baby. Always."


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have to post some of these just so I stop fiddling with them because they change every time I come back to them and I'm starting to lose track of what's what. 
> 
> This might be another one that needs a warning? The first part of it anyway. Just in case, is is your warning. 
> 
> Appreciate the comments and if anyone has ideas for other stories thee like to see, I'd love to hear them as this ones nearly done so I'll need another one to occupy myself with. 
> 
> Also sorry if updates are spread out further in the coming weeks, spring is finally hitting here and I am dying to get outside and play in the garden, so that will make up a chunk of my time ha.

It's late, and Javi's in the middle of a make out session. One he's not that interested in continuing, but the idea of finding a way out makes him shudder. Though, Jason is being extra charming tonight, he has a way of sucking Javi in, it's how he got here in the first place.

"Are you gonna get that?" Javi's phone's ringing for the second time, texts in between that Javi lost count of. He's ignoring it. Or he was trying to, but it could be important since it's constant.

"I guess I am." Javi rolls his eyes. Jason crosses his arms over his chest, staring at Javi. Sighing, Javi reaches for the phone from the nightstand, nudging Jason off him. That earns him a glare. "Shit." He mutters as he checks who the texts are from, all Adam. The call he missed and current one from him too. "Adam?" Javi tangles his fingers in his hair as he curls in on himself when he answers the call.

Jason kisses Javi's neck, trying to pull off Javi's shirt. Javi tries shrugging him off. Bad idea, Jason's eyes narrow, darkening. While Javi's sure late night, possibly drunken freak outs aren't a responsibility of his job, he can't ignore Adam. What if Adam was in trouble? If something happened? His stomach sinks, he would deal with Jason, but Adam first. His hand's shake and his stomach sinks lower, no idea what's to come from putting off Jason.

"Javi." Comes Adam's voice on the other end, singsonging Javi's name. "I need you. Are you busy?"

"Wha-" No. What happened isn't important. "Where are you?"

"The bar- Where we met the first time. Can you come get me? Please?"

Adam's voice is shaky and he slurs his words together. "Okay. Stay put, I'll be there soon." When Javi hangs up, he goes to jump up, Jason's vice like grip on his arm stopping him. "I have to go. It's a work thing." Javi lies. Well, half way. It was his boss, but Javi's off the clock.

"You're suppose to be quitting. You already put in your notice." Jason's grabbing him again, Javi jerking away. He's making things harder on himself, but he needs to get to Adam. "It's late, it's not your job to save him. Come on, we were in the middle of something."

"I haven't actually. I tried, but he's been busy." Javi's on his feet, grabbing his shoes. Catching the anger on Jason's face, he moves so fast Javi barely registers Jason's standing in front of him. "Fuck off, Jason. We can finish this another time." His words are sharp, and the slap across his face that isn't a surprise. He's sure he'll have a red mark for a while, hopefully Adam doesn't notice. Jason's way of keeping Javi from going, can't go out if there's visible marks, right?

"Wanna say that again? You can't just leave me hanging, fucking cock tease."

Javi takes steps back, his legs tensing and ready to make a run for it if he needs to. He needs to get to Adam, Jason doesn't matter in this moment, and Javi's in total flee mode, and trembling. "Not now. I'll make it up later, whatever you want. Just-:I need to do this right now." He says as he pushes passed Jason, makes his way from their bedroom. Leaving the apartment before Jason has a chance to react, Javi jumps in his car. He'll deal with whatever punishment Jason dishes out, but not now. After he makes sure Adam is okay.

•••

Javi enters the smokey bar, glancing over the space. He spots Adam in the back, the same booth Javi found him in that first night. Adams slumped in the booth, staring at the ceiling, hasn't yet noticed Javi.

Making his way across the bar to the booth, Javi's cautious. Doesn't want to startle Adam. It gets worse when he traces the table, there's a residue of white powder on the surface, a rolled up bill. More empty glasses than Javi can count. He grimaces at the idea Adam is using, the drugs being what changed Jason for the worse. Wants to run far away from them, but it's Adam and its obvious he has something weighing on him. "Adam?"

"Javi? What are you doing here?" Adam blinks up at Javi, then his eyes go wide. "Oh yeah. I called you. I'm sorry, I just needed someone and I like having you around."

"No reason to be sorry." Javi says, offering a smile and a hand to Adam. "Come on, let's get you home and you can tell me what happened, and why you're in this state?"

"Don't wanna go home." Adam's words slur. "I went to see him, and then I just wanted to forget. Nothing ever helps me forget, though." Javi has no idea what Adam's talking about. "Needed someone that wouldn't lecture me about drowning myself in tequila. Needed you, you help me forget."

"Then where am I taking you?" Javi asks as Adam takes his hand and Javi helps him to his feet. "Went to see who?" Leading Adam toward the exit. It took some maneuvering, Adam's larger than Javi, and not at all trying to help, staggering and stumbling the whole way.

"Noah." Adam says like it was obvious. His stomach churning when he stood, with the movement. "I feel sick." He sways, unsteady on his feet, everything around him spinning. "Anywhere. Just not home. Your place, let's just go there."

"Who's Noah?" Javi asks as he gets Adam in the car, leaning over to buckle Adam's seat belt. "I can-" Starting the car as he gets in the drivers side. "Okay, we'll go to my place, but no funny business. And please don't be sick in my car." Trying to tease, but Javi is anything but amused, his heart beginning to race. Jason's likely to have left and went out, but he can't know for sure. Bringing Adam home is a risk.

"My fiancé." Adam murmurs, leaning towards the door, forehead against the window. "No funny business, promise. Just need to sleep it off." Hopefully Jason left for the night, and Adam leaves before Jason's home.

"Fiancé?" Javi cocks his head to the side, confusion. Adam's engaged? He wasn't aware Adam was dating anyone. Well, he learns something new every day. "I just hope Jason's not home for both our sakes." It's said under his breath, no intention of Adam hearing him.

"Sorry." Adam mumbles, turning his gaze to Javi for a split second, then back toward the window as Javi drives.


	13. Chapter 13

Adam staggers and stumbles all the way up the stairs, and he's giggly. Yes, fucking giggling like a twelve year old girl, and singing. Adams singing loud. Javi might find it endearing if he wasn't worried Ada's going to wake his neighbours. The good news, though, a quick glance over the parking lot on arrival gave no sign of Jason's car.

"I need to rinse my mouth." Adam tries stumbling away but loses his balance half a step in and Javi has to grab him, keep Adam from falling. "'M okay. I can do it myself." He does, but he has to use the wall for support. Leaving the door open the whole time, Javi shakes his head.

Adam's singing again when he leaves the bathroom. " _Walk me home in the dead of night. I can't be alone with all that's on my mind."_ Stumbling the whole way, Adam somehow makes it to the couch without falling. " _So say you'll stay with me tonight cause is so much wrong going on outside_." Javi's so glad Jason isn't home.

Javi has water for Adam, needs Adam to sober up. When their eyes meet, Javi notices how blown Adams pupils are. Right. The evidence of more than alcohol that littered the table. "I'm goin-"

Inhibitions gone, the alcohol and drugs coursing through his blood. Adam's laying back on the couch and tugging Javi on top of himself. It cuts off what Javi's saying, a hiss of pain instead at the sudden movement, the bruises his clothes hide not happy. Adam either doesn't notice, or assumes the noise is from something else, and pulls Javi into a kiss.

Javi freezes at first, too shocked to react. But, once he does, it doesn't seem real. Adam isn't kissing him. But he is, and when his brain catches up, he pulls back. "Adam, no. We should-" Cut off again by Adams lips, and Javi's too weak to resist a second time.

Javi falls into it, kissing Adam back. It's sloppy given the state Adam's in, but there's sparks and it's magical. Javi wants more, wants everything. Adam's licking into his mouth, Javi opening for it, letting Adam in. Tequila and minty mouth wash fills his taste buds, but under that was something else, it was Adam. Moaning into it, the kiss growing deeper.

Adams hands are roaming, under Javi's shirt. He pushes it up, Javi freezes and jerks back, eyes wide. Hands on his ribs, a graze of fingers against bruises, and Javi hopes Adam doesn't notice his sudden intake of breath. "We– We can't– Shouldn't do this. I should go to- To bed." Voice rough, and lips swollen from the kiss.

"No. Stay." Adam has Javi's wrist in his hand as Javi starts to get to his feet. "Please, just kissing. I'll be good, no touching under clothes." Javi squeaks when Adam pulls him down again, arms encircling Javi's waist.

"Can't." Javi breaths, he can't get enough air with Adam's arms so tight around him.

"Why not?" Adam's pouting, it would be cute in another circumstance. "Don't you want to? Wait–" Adams eyes wide. "Shit. You don't want to, and I'm throwing myself on you. 'M sorry. I didn't- I wouldn't- Fuck. Sorry. I should go home."

"You have no reason to be sorry, shut up." Javi sighs, Adams arms loosen and Javi gets to his feet. "If I'm being honest, I would love to. But the couch isn't big enough for us both and Jason's going to be pissed enough if he finds you here." Rubbing a hand over his face, Javi pushes his curls off his forehead. He doesn't want to worry about Jason right now. "You're not going anywhere, just sleep."

"Just stay then. Please? I don't want to be alone. Just hold me." Adam murmurs, rolling to his side and curling in on himself. Javi grabs Adams feet, removing his boots so he could be more comfortable. He pulls the throw blanket from the back of the couch to cover Adam.

"Adam, I can't, baby." Javi sighs and leans down to place a kiss to Adams forehead and his cheek. Hand cupping Adams cheek, Adam's asleep before Javi finishes speaking. His breathing slow and even, he's peaceful and so stunning. "I wish I could, I would so rather stay with you than go to the bed I share with him." He says under his breath, fingers brushing Adams hair behind his ear.

•••

Javi's awake and jumping from the bed when the front door slams. Fuck, Jason's home. He hopes like hell that Adam woke up and left already. But Javi is moving quick as his legs will carry him to meet Jason at the door despite the protests of his entire body.

"Javi, what the fuck?!" No such luck. Javi has Jason's arm from behind, pulling him from the entrance way from the living room.

"Jesus Christ, do you need to slam doors so early, you're gonna wake the neighbors." Javi's voice is quiet. "Adam's sleeping, just let him."

"No shit. Why should I? Why is he here anyway?" Jason's eyes darken, nostrils flaring. "You fucked him, didn't you?"

Javi's eyes go wide, shaking his head. "Yeah, that's why I left him on the couch fully clothed." Rolling his eyes, Javi squeaks when Jason pins him against the door.

"Guys, I can hear you, you know." Adam calls from the living room,voice rough from sleep. The There's a thunk as Adam must roll off the couch and he groans. Javi's instinct's to run and check if he's okay, but Adam's standing in front them. At least Jason's grip on him loosened because of it. "You need a bigger couch."

Jason rolls his eyes, his intense stare turning on Adam. "Or you need to stay at home and sleep in your own fucking bed."

Adam blinks, he still hasn't shaken the sleep from his brain. He must be imagining things, Jason couldn't be as upset as the tone of his voice was suggesting. "Whatever's going on here is none of my busi–" Pausing, something trickling from his nose, he wipes the back of his hand there to see the bright red fluid. "Son of a bitch." Adam mutters and pinches his nose, tilting his head back to keep from dripping a trail of blood. Passing Javi and Jason to get to the bathroom.

Javi doesn't resist the urge to check if Adam's okay this time. He pushes away from Jason and follows Adam. "Are you alright?" He's asking from the door way, concern filling his voice.

"'M fine. Was just extra stupid last night." Adam murmurs, holding a wad of tissue to his nose. It'll let up quick and Adam will forget it happened at all. "'M sorry, I didn't mean to cause trouble. You shouldn't have brought me here."

Jason's laughing somewhere behind Javi, and Javi's reaching up with shaky hands to help Adam. "Oh man, this is great. American Idol, Adam Lambert, bleeding all over my bathroom after a coke binge."

Javi took the tissues from Adam to toss into the bin. His eyes flickering from Adam's eyes to his lips, brushing his thumb across Adam's lower lip. Adam takes in a sharp breath, leaning in toward Javi. _You can't do that Adam, not with Jason there._ He pulls right back. "Didn't bleed all over your bathroom."

"You did put the moves moves on my fiancé and sleep on my couch though. I doubt cleaning up your messes is part of his job description."

"Shut the fuck up, would you? What were you doing last night?" Javi spits, turning to glare at Jason and then back to Adam. "Ignore him." Adam is rinsing his face, double checking there's no blood still hanging around.

Adams eyes go wide, flashes of the previous night coming to him. "I ki-" Adam cuts himself off, probably not a good idea to bring that up at the moment. Not with Jason there. "I'm- uh, I'm sorry. That's not part of your job. I- I just need my shoes, I need to go."

"Wait, Adam. Let me get dressed, I'll give you a ride. We're going to the same place anyway." Javi reaches for Adams hand to stop him. Adam shivers at the electricity that shoots through his spine.

"I– Yeah. Okay." Adam stammers, pulling his hand from Javi. He grabs his shoes and slips them on as he exits the apartment.

Javi's at the car ten minutes later, fighting back tears and out of breath as he holds an arm across his ribs. He has to lean against the car for a moment, catching his breath. Adam raises an eyebrow when Javi finally gets in the driver seat.

Javi leans back in the seat. His hands are shaky as they rest on the steering wheel, and it hurts to take deep breaths. "Are you okay? Do I need to drive?" Adam says, reaching over to rest a hand over Javi's. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have called you last night. I didn't mean to cause a fuss. And I kissed you, that was– It was inappropriate. I'm sorry."

"Just shut up. You don't need apologize for anything. That kiss? I wanted you to do it again there in the bathroom. This fuss? It has nothing to do with you. If you weren't here he would have another reason. So shut up, stop apologizing, it's my fault, not yours." Javi brings a hand up to cover his mouth as he coughs, and that hurts more than trying to get air in. He groans as he leans forward to start the engine. "I'll be fine to drive."

"You wanted me to do it again? I almost did." Adam raises an eyebrow. His face fills with worry at the way Javi groans, but doesn't ask. "He seems real fun. Why stay?"

"I did. I noticed that, I'm glad you caught yourself." Jason would have killed them both. He was glad Adam backed off when he leaned in for it. "I've been with him since I was thirteen. He's like a bad habit that's hard to break."

"You'll have to tell me all about that bad habit sometime." Adam says, turning toward the passenger window. "We need to get coffee on the way." He would like something stronger, but he has to work so maybe later.

"I will, when there's time. You'll have to tell me about Noah, too." Javi says and nods his agreement with the coffee.

Adams eyes shoot over to Javi. "I mentioned him last night, didn't I?" Adam pushes his hair out of his face, a grimace at his pounding head.

"Just that you went to see him and he's your fiancé." Javi says and glances at Adam.

"Well, those things are true. But he's also dead." Adam sighs and turns his gaze back to the window. The rest of the drive's in silence, a comfortable silence.


	14. Chapter 14

The next several weeks go by without incident. At least as Adam and work goes. Splitting time between the studio and rehearsals and meetings. Adam's avoiding Javi again. Still wants to kiss Javi, wants more, but Javi's still too taken. Javi finds Adam super frustrating.

At home, Javi has plenty to deal with. Still putting up with Jason's assaults whenever the man comes home. Which happens more than Javi likes. He needs to get out before things get worse, unsure how or where to turn.

Though today, Adams playful and goofing off with some of the songs. Laughing and joking with the guys.

Javi's eyes flicker up when Adam sits at he opposite end of the couch. Javi shifting, pulling his hood tighter. "Aren't you hot like that?" Adam asks, eyeing Javi. He shakes his head, averting his eyes back to his phone screen.

Curling tighter against himself, a grimace on Javi's face at the movement. "Nope. I'm comfy." Javi lies, his voice was weak and timid. He hopes Adam accepts the answer, doesn't need Adam to discover the hand shaped bruises that decorate his throat. "Did you need something?"

"No, we're taking a break. And I never quite understand their conversations, too smart for me." Adam chuckles and gestures toward Brian and Roger deep in conversation. He's sipping his tea, cooled enough to drink from when Javi brought it to him a song or two ago. "Are you busy after? Feel like hanging out?"

Javi gives a weak laugh. "What? Not a fan of Astrophysics?" Raising an eyebrow, a smile threatening to spread across his face. "I'm not. I wo–" Cutting himself off, he frowns. The bruises. He can't hang out with Adam so long as those are so angry and visible. "Another time? Jason left this morning, and I've been trying to come down with a cold or something. I should probably use the time alone to get some rest." Only half lying, Jason did leave on another trip.

"I need it dumbed down so I can understand." Adam shrugs. "You should rest then. Another time, definitely." He agrees, leaning back against the couch. He reaching over to push Javi's curls off his forehead.

"Can't say I would understand it either." Javi nods in understanding, eyes flickering to Adam's at the brush of fingers, a shiver running up his spine. His gaze fixed on the freckles of Adam's lips. Licking his lips, Javi averts his eyes back on his phone. "How're you doing anyway? You seem in better spirits."

"I'm doing okay. Today's a good day. Excited to get back on the road and on stage." Adam frowns, pinching the bridge of his nose. He turns his head toward Javi, reaching a hand to rest on Javi's knee. Javi glances up with an eyebrow raised, and Adam leans in closer.

"That's good. Something to look forward to is good." Javi offers a small smile, his gaze dropping to Adams lips again. "Adam, you–" He whispers, he wants Adam to, but what would the other guys think? They shouldn't. "You can't."

"Yeah." Adams leaning in more, shaking his head. "Why not? Jason's not here. It won't leave the room." Scooting closer, his arm stretching over the back of the couch behind Javi's head. His eyes darting from Javi's eyes to his lips. Leaning in more, he's so close, his breath on Javi's lips.

"You just– We can't. I've been sick, remember?" Javi reminds him, bringing a hand to the side of Adam's face, their lips mere centimeters apart as he speaks, almost brushing together.

"So? I'll live if I catch it." Adam breaths, starting to close the distance, but Javi's phone buzzes with a new text at the same time Brian is calling to Adam.

"Adam, are you ready to finish up?" Adam jerks back, turning to glance back at the guys and give a nod.

"Yeah, I'll be right there." Adam calls back, turning back to Javi. "Saved this time. Trying to play hard to get?" He teases.

"Not playing, Adam. We–" Javi sighs, glancing at the new text on his phone. Of course it's Jason. "We can't. Not until l break a certain bad habit." A habit Javi has no interest in anymore, but can't figure out how to get free from. "As soon as I figure out how to break free from him. Now go, don't keep everyone waiting."

"You know if you need anything, a place to stay, an ear to listen. Anything at all you can call me." Adam sighs, pushing himself to his feet.

"I will." Javi says and offers a smile before Adam nods and crosses the room back to work.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry its been a few! I've gotten caught up in painting and drawing again plus outside and sun. Lol.

Two days later, and Javi's walking into rehearsals with his hood down, the dark angry bruises on his neck exposed. Too late to hide them by time he registers the forgotten hood.

Rehearsal's in full swing when he walks in, In the middle of 'tear it up.' Adam's goofing off as he sings, more worried about getting words and timing right than sounding his best. He's right in front of Javi, a private show just for him, when be spots him.

Javi's lips curl into a grin. That grin disappearing when Adams expression changes, moving closer to Javi. His eyes wide and he drops the mic with a loud 'clunk' that echoed in the room.

The bruises. Fuck. Javi's grabbing for his hood to cover them but it's too late.

Adam's quick to grab Javi's arm, leading him from the room. Some hand signal to Brian and Roger that he needed a minute. He stops when they were just outside the door, Adams hands coming to trace over the marks. "Javi, what's this? What the fuck did he do to you?" The bruise's fading, not much. Its still dark and angry, but its at least a shade lighter than black now.

Javi's eyes meet Adam's intense stare, worry and anger clear in those bright blue eyes. Javi shrugs. "I'd rather not talk about it." Knocking Adam's hands away, he pulls his hood up, pulling it tight to put the marks out of sight. Adam's prodding's starting to hurt.

"Jason did this to you? Jesus, Javi." Adams eyes searching Javi's for – he isn't sure what he was looking for there. "Where is he? I'll fucking kill the bastard myself. You need to get out."

"I didn't say that." Javi crosses his arms over his chest, shoulders slumped, eyes on his feet. "It's not the first time it's happened." But it is one of the worst. "But its fine, okay? Its my fault it happens, I always do the wrong things, always make him angry." Voice shaky. "No!" Reaching for Adams wrist, to stop him from running to find Jason. "He's not worth it, I'm not worth getting in trouble over. Just forget you saw anything." Bringing his hands to cover his face, tears stinging his eyes. Unsure what's worse, the latest assault or someone knowing he put up with it for so long. "Just stay out of it, I'm fine. I can handle him."

"It's not fine." Adam rubs a hand over his face. "This is never okay, Javi. He could have killed you." Sighing, he can't push Javi, it wouldn't help him, might make things worse. "These aren't the only marks, are they?" Pulling Javi's hands from his face, pulling him into a hug.

"You actually want to know the answer to that." Javi sobs, his shoulders shaking. Adam rubbing soothing circles over his back. "He's all I have here, I don't have family or friends close by."

Holding Javi until his sobs subsided, Adam shakes his head. "You have me. I'm a friend." Adam reminds and let's Javi pull back, his eyes on Javi's. "You're coming home with me tonight. Wine, good weed, and a movie or two. You can talk if you want, or we can sit in silence. Whatever you want."

"I don't you to save me from him. He's not even home." Javi reaches to wipe the tears from his cheeks. "It does sound nice though."

"I'm glad he's gone. But nothing to do with saving you." Adam nods. "I just like your company." He leans closer to Javi, hand cupping his cheek as his gaze drops to his full lips. "Are you okay to go back in? I can give you my key and address and you can just take the rest of the day off?"

Javi brings a hand up, thumb tracing over Adams lower lip. "We still can't, Adam, not right now." Sighing, Javi shakes his head. "No. I'm okay. You should get back in there, I just need a minute."

•••

Adam collects the wine glasses and wine from the kitchen. A lit joint between his index and middle finger, Javi's on the couch, searching through Adam's movie collection, and wearing Adam's clothes. An over sized sweater and sweats that barely stay on his hips. But they're comfy as hell and have that sweet scent of Adam and Javi also enjoyed raiding Adams closet too. So many options. "Is this one any good?" Javi asks when Adam sits in the corner of the sectional.

"You haven't seen it yet?" Adam glances at the screen for a second. He's pouring the wine into the glasses and setting the bottle aside. "Its worth the watch. I love Gaga." 'A Star Is Born' is what Javi has pulled up. Holding the joint to his lips, Adam pulls the smoke deep into his lungs and passing it to Javi.

"I haven't. Haven't gotten to it yet." Which meant he hasn't talked Jason into it, or was roo busy trying to avoid Jason, with Adam, or sleeping like the lazy bum he is when Jason isn't around. Javi takes the joint when passed his way, inhaling from it. He doesn't smoke much, so inhales too hard and the smoke goes down wrong causing him to cough. His arm cradle his middle with a grimace as he passes the joint back. Fuck, coughing hurts. Hitting play on he movie, he takes one of the wine glasses.

Adam raises an eyebrow at Javi as he moves around, stretching his long legs across the sofa. Lounging, and he holds his arms open for Javi. "Come here. No funny business, promise." Javi chuckles at that, hesitating for half a second. He sits in the space between Adams legs, leaning back against Adams chest, Adam's arm encircle Javi's waist. There's no expectations of anything more than sitting together, Adam holding him. It makes Javi's whole body tingle.

They sit like that for the movie, sharing the joint until they've had enough, or maybe it's out, Javi isn't sure. Javi curls up in Adam's arms, Adam singing along to all the songs. He's pliant and comfy against Adam, the wine and weed helping him relax, but for the most part its Adam. Adam's safe.

Adams voice gives him away first, but Javi doesn't dwell on it. People cry at movies, it wasn't something unusual. It's Adam shaky and uneven breathing as his body shakes with each sob that makes Javi question the movie choice. "Was this a bad movie to pick?"

Javi shifts in Adams hold, tilting his head to turn his gaze to Adam's face. Adam shakes hia head, hands over his face. "No. I'm okay. I just cry at movies easy." Adam tries to explain and it's half true. He does cry at movies easy, but that's only half the problem this time.

Javi's raises an eyebrow. "You were just sobbing like someone destroyed your favorite boots." That gets a chuckle from Adam, calmer now. Shifting, Javi's still between Adam's legs, but chest to chest now, Javi laying over Adams body. He runs his hands over Adams sides, an attempt at a comforting gesture as he hides his face in Adams neck, inhaling his scent. A mix of marijuana and that unique aroma of Adam.

"It might be more than the movie. Or well, it's the movie and I do cry at movies, that part is teuw, but its also more than that." Adam rambles. He reaches to wipe the tears from his cheeks, and then his hands are on Javi's back. "Sorry. This is probably going to be a giant cryfest if I talk about it. That's not what I meant tonight to be."

"Well, I mean. You found out my secret, it's only fair I know yours. AndI think I can handle a little crying." Adams fingertips brush Javi's neck, the bruises there, when Javi mentions Adam finding them. "Does this have something to do with Noah?" Javi asks, sliding a hand to Adams neck, and through his hair.

"It has everything to do with Noah. I promised I would tell you about him." Adam goes silent, staring at the ceiling while tracing his fingers along Javi's spine.

"Can I ask what happened to him?" Javi asks after several long minutes of silence, shifting to grab the remote to shut the TV off, no distractions. His fingers massaging Adams scalp. Its meant as a comforting, friendly gesture, but its somehow more intimate than that. More so with the way Adam is pushing his head into the sensation. "You don't have to answer that, or talk about him at all if you don't want to."

"I know I don't. It's not that I don't want to, its just hard to. I don't know where to even start." Sighing, his eyes stinging with tears again as he recalls what happened. "Suicide. Life was too much for him to handle anymore. Or maybe he just had a shitty fiancé that didn't notice how bad he was struggling those last weeks."

"I doubt that's true." Javi frowns, it's hard to imagine Adam being anything but an attentive and loving partner. "It wasn't your fault."

"He begged me to stay home with him that morning, he wanted me to blow off recording and stay in bed with him." Adam blinks back the tears, fingers twirling Javi's curls. "He needed me, that was his way of telling me. But I was too worried about getting to the studio."

"That doesn't make it your fault. We can't always be with someone twenty-four seven." Javi has to move, bruises pressing against Adams chest starting to hurt. He shifts to the side, tucking himself between Adam and the back of the couch. Head on Adams shoulder. He shouldn't be so comfortable that way, shouldn't be enjoying having Adam so close. But he is. "You can stop anytime, you don't owe me the whole story."

"I was the one that found him." Adam whispers, and Javi's breath hitches, imagining finding someone like that. "I was late at the studio, the session ran over. If I had just came home on time– if I just– if I had come home even an hour earlier." A shiver through his spine, those sparks from Javi's hand on his side. "I was more worried about my career and what someone might think if I took a day off."

Javi title his head, gaze on Adams face. He brings a hand to Adams face, wiping the tears from his cheeks. Unsure if he should say anything else, if Adam needed him to speak. So he doesn't.

"It wasn't anything unusual when I got home. Even when I got upstairs and he wasn't in bed, but bathroom door was shut and the light on. I knew what he was doing." Adam sighs, taking a deep breath and swallowing the lump in his throat. "He had his own bad habits, always drinking too much, and the cutting. And when things got hard, he'd grab the nearest bottle of booze and hide in the tub."

"You don't have to do this, Adam."

"I'm okay." Adam says, even if he isn't at all. "It was one of those times. When I went it, I didn't think anything of it. Wouldn't be the St time I found him passed out with a bottle of vodka and gashes up at and down his arms. No matter how hard I tried to break him of those habits." He breaths, squeezing his eyes shut tight.

"Is that how? Should I shut up and let you finish?"

Adam chuckles, shaking his head. "You're okay. But no, that's not what– not how he did it." Fidgeting, his fingers playing with Javi's curls. "When I went to wake him up, clean up his arms and get him in bed, there was a pill bottle beside him." Pausing, Adam chokes on a sob. "My fucking sleeping pills that he downed with the booze."

"That doesn't make any of it your fault. You couldn't have known what was going on in his head." Javi reminds, shifting, his eyes on Adams face.

"There's a part of me somewhere that knows that. Most days I believe it." Adam blinks his eyes open, his gaze meeting Javi's. "But there's a part of me that doesn't believe it at all, insists its my fault, and that part of me wins some days." Shrugging, his hand on the side of Javi's neck. "And all the what ifs that go through my head. What if I had stayed home with him that morning? What if hadn't worked so late?"

"What if you did stay home, and you stopped him that day, you don't think he wouldn't have just done it another time?" Adam nods, its true. But no matter how true it is, it doesn't stop the conflicting emotions in Adams head.

"I had so much anger after. At myself mostly. I was suppose to be there and know what was going on with him, I was suppose to help him through and take care of him. But he never told anyone when he WS having an extra bad day, or week, he was more worried about taking care of me and making sure I was happy than himself. That's just how he was though, he held his own shit in because he didn't want to burden anyone with his problems." Adam's out of tears by then, no longer crying, his eyes red and puffy. "But some days I was so so angry at him. Angry that he could be so selfish and hurt everyone that loved him that much."

"I think that's a pretty normal reaction to something like that. Anger is a pretty normal thing to feel during grief of any kind."

"I know. I didn't at the time, and I just felt guilty over being so angry at him." Adam sighs. "I just wanted to be with him again, I needed to–"

"You didn't, did you?" Javi cuts him off, he furrows his eyebrows together, searching Adams features.

"I wanted to. It was a month after and I just couldn't deal with missing him anymore." Adam frowns, it's hard admitting that to anyone. A select few know that part of his struggle. "My mom caught me. So I couldn't go through with it, but that didn't stop me from lashing out big time. I ended up on suicide watch for a couple weeks." His gaze drops to Javi's lips, then back o his eyes. "That one the public doesn't know. My team spun it as me just being exhausted and emotionally drained. Which was also true."

"Do you still have those thoughts?" Javi asks. He's curious, mostly.

"No." Adam shakes his head. "I mean sometimes I still wish I could be with him, that I could hold him one more time, but not to the extent that i would try it. Its in a different way than that."

"That's good. I'm sure there's it's of people that would miss you just as much as you is him." Javi nods, fingers tracing along Adam's jaw and over his lower lip.

"Yeah, you're probably right. And I mean, I'd like my nephew to be old enough to remember me." Adam gives a small smile. "I still have to forgive him though. I'm still working on that."

Javi nods. Shifting again, he spots a framed photo. Adam and another man. "Is that him?" Adam glances over and nods. "You wouldn't know he was struggling so bad from that. He looks happy and in love. He was beautiful."

"When he was with me, that's how it was. He was happy with me, but left on his own was a different story." Adam sighs, smiling. "But yeah, he was beautiful. Inside and out. That was one of the last pictures taken of us together. It was at our engagement party."

"So see, it wasn't you that made him feel life was so unbearable." Javi points out, his eyes back on Adams.

"I know. Just hard not to feel like a shitty fiance when I didn't realize how bad he was struggling with everything else." Adam has a hand on the side of Javi's neck again, eyelids heavy. "But I'm slowly getting past it. Slowly realizing he would want me to move on and be happy, even if it's without him. I'm learning how to keep going without him."

"You're never without him though. He's no longer physically here, but hes right here with you always." Javi places a hand on Adams chest, over his heart. "Thank you for sharing that. I know its not easy to talk about." He can't resist any longer, Javi leans in, placing a tentative kiss to Adams lips. Short and sweet. "I'm leaving Jason." Its a whisper when he pulls back.

"Its not easy, but I needed to get it out. Helps to talk about, and not many people know all the details of what happened." Eyes closing, Adam licks his lips after that kiss."Because of this?" Adam asks, fingers brushing the bruises on Javi's neck.

Javi chuckles, shaking his head. "Sort of? It's part of it. But if it were the only reason I would have left years ago." Chewing his lower lip, Javi pushes Adams hair from his face. "I haven't felt anything for him in a long time though. And I mean, its probably not right to be thinking bout being with someone else while in a relationship." Sighing, Javi shifts, head on Adams shoulder again. "It's not Jason I'm constantly mimicking about kissing, and wanting to know how his day is."

"Hard to feel anything toward someone that tries to choke the life out of you." Adam murmurs, he's nodding off, exhausted after telling Javi about Noah.

Adams asleep before Javi gets another word in, his arms tightening around Javi. Javi dozes himself, not even aware of how tired he is.

Its a couple hours later that Javi wakes up, blinking his eyes open to find them still on the couch and he chuckles. He wakes Adam to tell him to go to bed, but when he does, he doesn't get a chance to protest before Adam is dragging Javi with him upstairs. Javi's too drowsy to try to argue its a bad idea, and its the best sleep Adams had without pills or alcohol in ages.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like I've been fiddling with this part for sooooo long and I'm still not sure im entirely happy with it. :\ hope you enjoy it anyway! 
> 
> Sorry for any delays, like I said I've kept fiddling with this part and trying to make it better and taking my time with it. Hopefully of worked and shows. Also warmth outside! Walks and gardens and birds and all of the things, and also all of the art things. Lol i might need to slow down?

Jason's home again, though Javi would rather he wasn't. Javi sits up from his lounged position on the couch when he hears the front door open. He and Jason need to talk, Javi needs out. But right as Javi opens his mouth to speak, he glances up, sees the other men. Some friends of Jason's. And he snaps his mouth shut again. Of course he works up the nerve to break it off and Jason brings company home.

Javi sits on the couch, exactly where he was for most of the evening. He's been testing with Adam, that pull towards the man that's there even when they aren't near each other. Pushing himself to his feet, he follows Jason to the kitchen when he goes to get more drinks. "We need to talk, Jason."

"It can wait. We have guests."

"No, it can't. Its important, I need out. This, us. It isn't doing it for me anymore." Javi chews his lower lip, it might be safer that they have company. Jason won't try anything crazy with eyes on them.

"Funny. You were just fine until you started hanging around Lambert." Jason huffs, and shrugs. "We'll talk about it later, Javi. Here, drink this. Relax." He says, handing Javi a glass.

"This has nothing to do with Adam. I haven't been-" Javi cuts himself off. No use trying right now, Jason wasn't going to listen. "Okay. Later." He mumbles, and eyes the glass with suspicion as he accepts it.

•••

Javi wakes to Jason kissing his forehead, grumbling something about running late and having work to do. Trying to play the loving boyfriend this morning, like Javi hadn't tried to talk to him at all. Like he didn't know Javi was miserable with him anymore. Well. Maybe that wasn't an act.

It doesn't matter. Javi doesn't get a chance to say anything before Jason's disappearing through the door.

He's awake now, reaches for his phone to check the time, except it's not his. Its too late when he notices, scrolling through the gallery. Videos of him from the night before and other nights, videos he has no memory of allowing. He's so out of it in all of them, Jason having his way with Javi. Javi furrows his eyebrows, quick to close everything. Swallowing the lump in his throat as Jason pops his head back in, Javi glances toward him.

"Grabbed the wrong phone." He says, tossing Javi's to the bed.

"I noticed." Javi murmurs, tossing Jason's to him, holding back the groan as he moves, at least until Jason leaves again.

He has no memory of he night before, and that's not the first time he's woke up that way around Jason. The tears are falling as it dawns on him. Jason has videos on his phone of him. Of Javi having sex with him. And Javi has no memory of it happening, or of having sex with Jason last night.

Everything after Jason gave him that drink is a huge blank. He must have done something to it, slipped Javi something.

Groaning as he sits up, his entire body protesting every move he makes. The skin around his lower back and his thighs is tight, itchy, and it pulls when he moves. Like something sticky dried on his skin. Jason didn't even bother to clean up the evidence, he's getting sloppy. Fresh tears sting his eyes and he let's them fall, frozen in place.

"Jesus Christ, why do you do this to me, Jason?" Javi asks, to no one in particular as he's alone. But moving more than necessary to grab is phone from the end of the bed isn't in his plans anytime soon. Neither was dialing an all too familiar number, but he was doing of subconsciously.

"Hello?" Comes the raspy, sleepy voice on the other end. "Javi?"

"Adam. Are you busy?" Javi holds the sobs off somehow, running his fingers through his hair. "I need you."

"No, I was just sleeping." Adam says, so!e rustling on the other end, Adam getting out of bed Javi assumes. "Where are you? What did he do?"

"Wait." Javi freezes, glancing to the clock. Shit. He shouldn't have called Adam this time of morning on his day off. "I'm sorry I woke you, go back to sleep and I'll figure something else out."

"Nonsense. Are you at home? What do you need, babydoll?"

Javi can't hold back anymore, he chokes on a sob nodding. "At home yeah. And I- I need you. And a place to stay for a few. If the offer still stands?"

"Of course it does. Gimme twenty minutes and I'll be there. Is he home?"

"No he just left. Should be out for the day." Javi murmurs. "I don't know if he left the door unlocked when he left, but there's a spare key under the welcome mat if he didn't."

•••

When Adam arrives fifteen minutes later, breaking so many speed limits to get there, he let's himself in. Not spotting Javi anywhere. "Javi?"

"In the bedroom." Javi calls back, still in the same spot.

Adam follows Javi's voice down the hall, to the open bedroom door. Javi's pulling the sheets up around himself, trying to hide, doesn't want Adam to worry with all the marks that litter his body. "Hey, what's wrong, babydoll? What happened?"

Javi's no longer able to hold it together. "I don't know. Jason fucking happened." He sobs, reaching toward Adam, and Adam crosses the room in two large steps. Sitting next to Javi on the bed, Adam wraps him up in his arms.

Javi winces, a grimace on his face as Adams arms encircle him. "Jesus, Javi. What did he do to you?" Adam asks as he pulls back, the sheet falling down around Javi's lap and pauses, taking in the sight. The bruises on Javi's ribs that wrap around his sides. Many of them faded and old, healing, but several are angry and fresh. "Something could be broken, come on, I'll take you to get checked out."

"I don't know. I literally don't know this time." Javi shakes his head. "No. No hospitals, I'm fine. Just, I feel disgusting. I just want a shower and to get as far away from here as possible before he gets home." He groans as he pushes himself up, trying to keep the sheet covering his waist but the floor sways under him and he has to grab the nightstand to catch his balance.

"Hey, hey. Slow down." Adam's up, supporting Javi with an arm on his waist. "Dizzy? Did you hit your head last night?" Pulling Javi close, Adam sighs. He has a better view of Javi. The evidence of the night before crusted on Javi's skin. "You really should get checked out. File charges against him- at least have evidence if you decide to later."

"No. Who would believe me? We're engaged, engaged people have sex. It would be my word against his." Javi shakes his head again. "And no, I don't think I hit my head but I don't know what the fuck he gave me. Just, a shower. Now. Please."

"Are you sure? Cause once you wash away the evidence, there's no turning back." Javi nods, he's sure. "Then let me help. I don't need you slipping in there and hurting yourself even more."

"I would rather you don't." Javi squirms, attempting to get out of Adams hold. "Just, please. Adam, I can manage a shower."

"I-" Adam sighs, shaking his head. "Okay. Okay." Loosening his hold, letting Javi go. "Just be careful, and yell if you get dizzy again? Seriously don't need you falling."

"I will. Promise." Javi calls as he slips away to the ensuite quick as his body allows him to move wanting to hide from Adams eyes.

Javi emerges twenty minutes later, on towel on his hips and another's around his shoulders. "Better?" Adam asks as he stands and slips his phone into his pocket.

"Slightly. But not really, I don't think I could physically scrub hard enough or get the water hot enough to wash him away." Javi grimaced, "who are you talking to? You didn't mention me, right?"

Adam nods, understanding. "Well, get yourself dressed, let's get your things and get you far away from here." He raises an eyebrow. "Oops? Just Danielle, though I did mention you." Adam places a kiss to Javi's forehead at the wide eyes he gets as a response. "Don't worry. I wouldn't mention the situation. Not my business to tell."

Javi nods. "Okay. I guess that's okay then." He speaks low, turning to grab clothes from the closet and pushing the door shut most the way before dropping his towels to pull them on.

Javi's quiet the rest of the time, grabbing a suitcase and shoving as much of his clothes and anything important into it. Adam helping him to make everything fit. When they get back to Adams, Javi shuts himself into the guest room, just wanting to be alone for a while.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still slowly making my way through this to edit and post etc. My focus is just all over the place with a billion different projects in want to do lol.

Two days. That's how long it takes for Javi to leave the guest room for anything other than a glass of water.

He drops on one end of the couch, and stares into space. But he's out of the room, so Adam counts that as something.

Adam let's him sit in silence. Its hard, but he recalls when Noah died. How sometimes he wanted company, someone to be there for him, without twenty questions, without talking. He appreciates those that were there for him when he was in tat head space more than anything.

Pushing himself to his feet, Adams in the kitchen. Getting himself a glass of wine, he grabs one for Javi too, resisting he urge to ask how he is, or anything else. His mouth opens to ask, and snaps shut again.

Curling in on himself, Javi accepts the offered glass and Adam takes his spot back at the opposite end. Javi doesn't drink from the glass, stares into the bowl of it instead. Swirling the crimson liquid, his lips curling down in a frown.

Adam eyes him with a raised eyebrow, it takes a minute for the situation to click. Jason drugged Javi, he probably slipped something in his drink. Of course Javi would be suspicious of drinks offered. "You don't have to drink it. I just didn't want to be rude and not offer." Offering a small smile. "How're you doing? How're the bruises? Are you hungry? Need anything? Want me to shut up?"

"I'm– I don't know, honestly. The bruises hurt like a bitch, but uh- yeah- quiet is better." Javi shrugged, leaning forward to set the glass on the table with a grimace, managing to hold back a groan.

"I can do quiet." Well. Maybe. Adam wasn't great at quiet, but if that's what Javi needs. Leaning to the coffee table himself, grabbing the pipe and lighter. He packed a bowl before Javi came in and got side tracked. "Maybe this is a better offer than the drink? Might help with the pain, too."

Javi hesitates, considering if the offering is safe. At last, he takes the offered items, it will help with the pain. Maybe loosen him up and get him talking. He holds the mouth piece to his lips and lights the bowl, inhaling slow and deep. Passing the items back to Adam. "So far you suck at quiet."

That cracks Adam up, which ends in a coughing fit as he inhales too quick. "Shit. Sorry. I know." Adam pants between laughing and coughing. "I really do, unless I'm the one wanting quiet. I'm doing my best." Offering the items back to Javi, he extends his arm to Javi. "C'mere? And I'll shush, promise." Its a question, he's letting Javi choose to accept the snuggles or not, no hint of demand anywhere in the request.

Javi hesitates still, but its a quick choice to make. Slow movements, he scoots closer to Adam, tucking himself under Adams arm and resting his head on Adams chest. He turns his head, inhaling the sweet aroma of Adam. "Do you always smell so good?" Chewing his lower lip, he wonders aloud, letting his eyes close. "Sorry I'm no fun at the moment. And its okay if you suck at being quiet as long as we don't have to talk about him or what happened."

Adam chuckles, draping his arm over Javi's shoulders, gentle and cautious. "No? I shouldn't right now, I need a shower." Shaking his head slightly. "I've had my not fun moments. Too many of them. And we can talk about anything you want, or we can sit in silence. Whatever you're comfortable with.

Javi rests an arm over Adams middle, nodding. "I just-– I don't know how to talk about something I have no memory of. How do I tell someone what happened, if I don't even know exactly?"

"You talk about the parts you do know, and how it all makes you feel. When you're ready to. And if you need me, I'll be here to listen and give you a shoulder to cry on." Adam keeps his voice low, fingers carding through Javi's curls.

Javi nods again and let's the silence settle for a while. Well, silence other than Adams quiet singing and humming. "You know the really fucked up part?" He says after a long moment. "I kinda miss him and have to keep fighting to not go back home. But I also can't stand being around him."

"You were with him for a long time. That's probably expected. And I mean, I'm no shrink but I'd say its probably the familiarity you miss, not really him. Fear of the unknown and what happens now." Adam nods, twirling Javi's curls with his fingers.

"You might be right. It is pretty scary to figure out what to do now. To decide things for myself in a new big city." Javi sighs, relaxing against Adam. "I was going to break up with him, I was leaving anyway. But he came home with friends and that plan got put on hold and then– then he made me a drink. I don't remember anything after that."

"You don't have to decide anything right away. And you don't have to do it alone, if you need to run an idea by someone, I'm always here." Adam points out, fingers tracing down over Javi's spine. "That's pretty fucked up."

"I'll keep that in mind, though I'm sure you have your own things to worry about." Javi nods, pressing closer to Adam. "It is, but its not the first time he's done it. I feel pretty stupid for allowing it to continue happening, to get to this point." Sighing, Javi bites his lower lip. "He has videos– on his phone. Before I called you, he had left but he took the wrong phone, I thought it was mine. But there were videos from the night before, no memory of them being taken or consenting to them, but they were there and I looked so out of it. There were more from other times, too."

Adam opens his mouth, snaps it shut again. What to say to that? "You deleted them, right?"

"I didn't even think about it. And he realized his mistake and came back for it, I didn't have time." Javi murmurs, hiding his face in the crook of Adams neck.

"You should talk to someone, doesn't have to be me. I can find a therapist, you don't even–" Javi cuts him off, shaking his head.

"I don't need a shrink. I just need time. I'll be okay." Javi sighs, hand resting over Adams heart, the fluttering beats relaxing him more. He's dozing, and when did he get so tired?

"Okay. But if you change your mind, let me know." Adam says, fingers playing with Javi's hair and massaging his scalp. "You gonna be okay for the show tomorrow? And the rest of the tour? You know you can have time off if you need it."

"I will, and yeah I'll be fine." Javi murmurs, and it doesn't take long for him to crash out against Adam.

•••

Its a couples hours later when Javi blinks his eyes open, turning his gaze to Adams face. Adam has the TV on low, glancing to Javi. "Sleep well?"

"You should have woke me up, I didn't mean to fall asleep on you." Javi sits up,rubbing his eyes with a yawn.

"You looked like you could use it." Adam says, hand on Javi's lower back. "You should go up to bed."

"Haven't been sleeping great, I guess." Javi shrugs and leans back into Adam. "I'll go soon."

Adam nods, fingers tracing over Javi's spine. His gaze flickers from Javi's eyes, to his lips and back up. He brings his free hand comes up, tracing his thumb over Javi's lower lip. "Can I kiss you?"

Javi nods, hand over Adams heart. "Does kissing me make you nervous? Your heart is racing." He raises an eyebrow. "You can though, a kiss isn't going to break me."

"No. That just happens a lot around you, and how bad I want it right now scares me." Adam whispers, leaning closer to Javi.

"What's stopping you?"

"Myself." Adam murmurs before closing the distance, pressing their lips together. He takes his time, the kiss tentative and gentle to start with, until Javi was the one to take over and deepen the kiss.

They part several minutes later, eyes still closed and lips parted. Adam licks his lips. "And now I think you should go to bed. Get some sleep and away from me before I get carried away."

"You should to." Javi says and pushes himself to his feet. He offers a hand to help Adam up.

”You're right, I should." Adam nods, letting Javi help him to his feet.

"And this is where we part ways." Adam says as they stop in front of the guest room, turning to Javi. He brings his hands to cup Javi's ears, placing another gentle kiss to his lips. "Goodnight, babydoll. Sleep well."

"Adam, wait." Javi calls when Adam turns to walk away, his arms crossed over his chest as he rocks on his feet. He glances up at Adam through his lashes when Adam turns back. "Stay?"

"I'm not going anywhere, babydoll. I'll just be in my room if you need–"

"No." Javi cuts him off, "I mean stay with me. In my room. Please? I– I'm more comfortable with you than being alone."

Adam nods, taking the few steps back to Javi. "Yeah, okay. If you're sure."

"Positive. Just no funny business, mister." Javi teases as he stretches up to kiss Adams lips, pulling Adam into the room with him.

"Promise."


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still can't focus on one thing at a time, lol. I've been staring at this one for a while trying to decide if its necessary or how Mich it needs changing etc but i need to post before i stare at it another month. 
> 
> Hopefully it isnt too horrible and hopefully the wait for the next chapter won't be as long now that allergies are being nice to me.

Home shows always have the best energy for Adam. It means tons of his closest friends and family in the audience. Which turns into a party backstage after the show.

Tonight isn't any different. Adam was in a great mood, that adrenaline high of being on stage taking over. He had a minute alone to catch his breath right after, and he steals glances at Javi every chance he gets, worried the experience might be too much for him.

Javi cruises by as Adam's chatting with his father. A salt shot glass filled with tequila in one hand and a cup of tea in the other. Holding both toward Adam as an offer for him to take them. "Ooh, thanks, babydoll." Javi smiles and Adam pulls him close to whisper in his ear. "You doing okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just yell if you need me." Javi says with a nod and crosses the room to tuck himself into the corner of the couch. Pulling his knees to his chest and arms encircling them.

"New boy you're not telling us about?"

"Huh?" Adam zoned out staring after Javi. It takes him a second to register his father had said anything at all, much less what it was. Eber repeats himself, Adam shaking his head. "Oh. Javi? He's my assistant. That's all."

"Oh, I see. You look at all your employees that way?" Eber teases his son, Adam downing his tequila shot in that moment.

"Like what? With concern? He's just going through some things, just looking out for him." Adam shrugs, casting his eyes down at his now empty shot glass, then another glance toward Javi with a frown.

"Concern, longing, hopeful. Like someone falling in love." Eber answers, and Adam raises an eyebrow as he shoots a glance to his father. "You sure you don't want to hit that? I haven't seen that look since-" cutting himself off, Eber unsure he should finish.

"Noah. You can say his name." Adam finishes but he's cringing at the poor choice of words. Considering the situation, Adam doesn't want to 'hit' Javi in any way. "And dad, I love you. But that was the worst choice of words right now. I'm not hitting anyone." Eber has no idea what's going on, so Adam couldn't say much.

"Isn't that what the kids are saying?"

"Uh, kinda past that. I have no idea if that's still a thing." Adam sighs, rubbing a hand over his face. "I need to get my shit together, we'll be heading to the airport soon." Or Adam wants to check on Javi. A little of both. He offers his father a hug, "I'll call you as soon as I can. Give Pharaoh lots of ear scratches for me."

Adam crosses the room to join Javi on the couch, shaking the set of eyes staring after him with a questioning gaze. "Hey." Adams voice is light, a cautious hand on Javi's knee. "My dressing room's empty. If this is too Mich and you need to hide 'til we leave. Block out the noise."

"Can't block out the noise when its in my head." Javi says, his eyes flickering up, meeting Adams. "I'm okay." He frowns, eyebrows furrowing together. "Jason's talking shit though. Sorry you're getting caught in the middle." Chewing his lower lip, Javi turns his phone toward Adam.

"What about?"

"Just look." Javi murmurs, pushing the phone into Adams hand.

Adam nods, skimming over the article Javi opened. Raising an eyebrow, Adam glanced back to Javi, passing the phone back. "So I'm a homewrecker and he hadn't seen you in weeks." Chuckling, Adam gave a shrug. "Shake him off, I'll handle it."

"I'm doing my best to shake him off. Easier said than done. Thought you might want to know though." Javi nods, tucking the phone into his pocket. "It's not like he actually cares where I am or anything, anyway."

"My publicist would have found it and handled it regardless. So let him talk." Adam sighs and places a kiss to Javi's temple before pushing himself to his feet. "We'll be outta here soon. Are you all set?"

"Well, I can't stop him so kinda have to let him run his mouth." Javi shrugs, his hand covering his mouth as he yawns. "Yeah, I just have to grab my bag on the way out. You need me to do anything?"

"No, I can handle it." Adam says with a small smile and nod. "You look tired, you can crash on the plane. Grab me if you need me before then, or if you want to hide out in the dressing room."

"Don't really want to move until I have to actually. Still kinda hurts to move much." Javi murmurs. "But I'll let you know if I need anything."

  
•••

Tour life is crazy, and exhausting. More so when it's hard to fall asleep. At least there's hotels every night, though, thanks to the private Queen jet. Javi expected buses.

"Adam?" Javi calls as he knocks on Adams dressing room door. "Your boots are here, Rockstar." Because of course Adam had to make adjustments to his stage outfits already.

"Doors open." Adam calls back and Javi let's himself in. He holds the box up in offer and Adam nods for Javi to set it on the table. "Noah use to call me that."

"Rockstar? I think everyone calls you that." Setting the box down, Javi covers his mouth as he yawns. "I think the guys are gonna be ready for soundcheck soon. Should I not call you that?"

"They do, but it was different with him." Adams lost in his head for a moment before he shrugs. "No, its okay if you do. Just threw me for a second."

"No, I'll leave it as something that was just for him in that case." Adam nods to show he's listening and Javi turns, hand on the doorknob ready to leave. "Soundcheck, twenty minutes. Yell if you need any thing."

"You don't have to go. Stay. Please?" Adam leans back against the couch from where he was leaning over the coffee table, painting his nails.

Adam doesn't have to ask twice, Javi wants to stay. He crosses the room to join Adam on the couch. "What's up?"

"Does there have to be something up?"

"Well, no, not really, I just thought you might-" Javi starts, but assuming isn't a good thing and Adam cut him off anyway.

"Yeah, yeah. You've caught me. I'm just having a bit of a moment and your company helps." Adam shrugs, offering an arm for Javi to move closer.

"A moment about what? You aren't freaking out about your choice in boots again are you?" Javi asks as he scoots closer, tucking himself under Adams arm.

Adam chuckles and shakes his head. "No, not that kind of moment. I've just been doing some thinking-"

"Is that bad?"

"It can be dangerous territory for me, but no. Shut up, it wasn't bad. At least I don't think." Adam chuckles again, turning his gaze to Javi. "I've just had a lot of time to myself before the shows to think, and I had a really good chat with Doctor Murphy."

"Did I interrupt?" Javi asks, tilting his head towards Adams face.

"No. Hung up a while ago." Adam shakes his head. He's silent for a while, chewing his lower lip. "We talked about you."

"What about me?" Javi asks, almost too quick and then snapped his mouth shut. "Sorry. You don't have to answer that."

"No, its okay." Adam shrugs, fingers playing with Javi's hair as he's fidgeting. "Just, you, really. I don't even know how to explain it. I just feel more at ease around you. It makes me want to stay far away but, I don't actually want to, and I'm being pulled toward you like a magnet. I'm probably not making sense."

"Well, no, not really. But I think I get it." Javi sighs, content, his eyes closing for a few moments.

"That's probably good. I like having you around, I don't want to mess that up. And I don't want anyone to feel second best to a ghost." Adam nods, sinking into the back of the couch.

"Noah's always going to be a part of you, anyone that's going to be with you should know and be understanding of that." Javi says, his hand resting on Adams chest, over his heart.

"He's always right there." Adam says, resting a hand over Javi's on his heart. "But I have to let him go and move on, be at peace with everything." Pausing for a moment, Adam makes a face. "I dont know if that was the right way to phrase it."

"I don't know either, but I get it. You have to learn to live without him, and find your own happiness. I'm sure he'd want that for you." Javi tilts his head, turning his gaze to Adams. "But have you?"

"Not completely, but I feel like I'm finally getting there. Finding a happy medium of living and being happy without him, but not feeling like I'm forgetting him." Adam nods, his eyes flickering to Javi's. "I think I'm finally at a place where I'm not angry at him for what he did, I can finally forgive him and close that chapter."

"That's a start." Jay says with a nod, his eyelids heavy as silence comes over them.

"Javi?" Adam says, his voice low and Javi books his eyes open, tilting his head toward Adams face with a raised eyebrow. The mood, and Adams expression has changed somehow. "Can I ki-"

"Just do it, you don't have to ask every time." Javi cut off the rest of the question, his eyes meeting Adams.

"I know I just- I don't know what might be off limits or what you might associate with him or-"

"Stop." Javi chuckles, leaning in to cut Adam off with a kiss. "If you do something I don't want, I'll say. You're over thinking it, just kiss me." Raising an eyebrow, Jack held Adams gaze. "I mean, I appreciate the concern, and the warning that it's happening is cute but-"

"Shut up." Adam murmurs with a chuckle, leaning in to cut Javi off mid sentence as theie lips connect.

"Right, sorry." Javi whispers into the kiss.

Its slow to start, a slow side of soft lips together. Adam's almost tentative, afraid any thing too much will spook Javi from him. That could be truer than Javi wants to admit.

Javi chases after more when Adam seems afraid to do it himself. Lips parting, Javi sucks Adams lower lip between his lips.

That got Adams attention, getting him to relax into the kiss. Slipping his tongue between Javi's lips, exploring his mouth, Adam dominating Javi's mouth.

Javi moans into the kiss, his hands moving to Adams shoulders, one sliding into Adams hair as their tongues dance together. Kissing is good, especially without any pressure of it turning into anything more, Javi can stop it anytime he wants and unlike Jason, Adam would back off.

Adam's changing their position as Javi starts to fight him for control of the kiss, leg draped over Javi's lap. Javi's fighting against the panic that washes over him. "Adam." Javi murmurs, breathless from the kiss. "Adam, stop." Pushing Adam back, Javi scoots back from him.

"Too much. Fuck. I'm sorry." Adam shifted, turning again so his feet are back on the floor. "I shouldn't have- I wasn't thinking-"

"Shut up." Javi cut him off. "Its okay, I told you to stop thinking remember?" Adam nods. "Was just feeling a little trapped there. But I'm okay."

"I'm good at getting carried away though, I'm sorry." Adam leans over, placing a kiss to Javi's temple.

"Felt good though, stop apologizing." Javi chuckles, kissing Adams cheek. "You need to get to soundcheck, I've probably held you up long enough."

"Until I tried to smother you." Adam nods, holding Javi's gaze for a second longer. "Sure you're good? I can be late if you need to talk."

"I'm fine. We'll talk later. Now go. Do you need anything?"

"No, I'm good." Adam shakes his head, a kiss to Javi's forehead before pushing himself to his feet. Stealing one last glance at Javi before leaving the room.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short one this time just cause I wanted to get something up and I know a few of you might be waiting, lol. I was trying to edit a couple sections together and make longer chapters but that clearly isn't working time wise cause I suck at sticking to a schedule.

Talking doesn't happen. Javi doesn't want to, and by time they get to the city Adam insists he needs to alone. It stings a little, if Javi's being honest, but he understands at the same time.

Adam spends the next couple weeks alone, trying to come to terms with everything he's feeling. With Javi. He needs to move on and do what makes him happy, Noah isn't coming back. But then, Javi scares him, afraid he'll do something wrong, remind him of Jason, that it's too soon for Javi to be with anyone else.

Might help if he actually talked to Javi.

Javi has his feet tucked under himself, eyes glued to his phone. Their days all end up the same. Javi at one end of the couch, Adam at the other. Today, Adam's sank back on the couch, his arm folded over his eyes.

"You look tired." Javi's says, barely above a whisper. But it's enough to get Adams attention.

"The dreams are back, they fuck with my sleep every time." Adam says, moving his arm and turning his head toward Javi.

It's the first time glancing Javi's way in days.

"Dreams?"

Nodding, Adam turns his gaze back toward the ceiling. "Yeah. Dreams. Well. More like nightmares, really." Adam sighs, picking at his fingernails. "Extra stress brings them on. Funny enough, lack of sleep brings them on, too, and I get stuck in an endless loop of the dreams keeping me up, and not being able to sleep means they stick around."

Javi nods, no idea what to say. Nothing he could say.

"Fucked up isn't it? The way that ends up working. The dreams are of finding Noah, by the way. Too real, too vivid, and I'm right back to that night." Adam spoke after a long moment of silence.

"Yeah, it kinda is. But I get it, I mean, I think our reasons for them are pretty different, but yeah. Those dreams suck. I'm sorry you have to relive that moment through them." Javi chews his lower lip, his eyebrows forrowed together as he frowns.

"Yeah they do-" Adam cuts himself off, turning his eyes back to meet Javi's. "Wait. You have them too? About Jason?"

"Yeah. Well, when I sleep. But like you said, not sleepingbonly makes it worse when you finally do sleep and-" javi sighs, stopping mid sentence. "How did this get to be about me? We were talking about you."

"I would rather not talk about me." Adam chuckles, a shrug of his shoulders. "You can talk if you need to, you know. Or just come hang out when you can't sleep."

"I would rather not bother you with my issues or keep you up."

"Its not a bother and chances are, I'm already up and wouldn't mind the company." Adam shifts, turning toward Javi and scooting closer.

"I'll keep that in mind then."

"Just stay in my room tonight, I'll take the couch." Adam says as he swings a leg over Javi's lap, wrapping himself around Javi. "I think we could bot- oh shit. Is this okay? I'm sorry, i'll-" starting to move away, Javi stops him.

"Don't move. Its fine." Javi murmurs and tucks himself in against Adams chest. "And nonsense, I'm not kicking you out of your bed. There's room to share."

"Okay, we'll share then. I like that better." Adam says with a sigh as he relaxes with Javi. "What's up?" Glancing up at the door opening, Rufus poking his head in.

"Mila and me are heading out after the show tonight, if you wanna tag along? Javi's welcome too."

"You know what? Count me in. I could probably use a night out. Mind if we meet up with some friends I have in the area?" Adam questions, glancing to Javi.

"Yeah, that's fine. I'll let you get back to whatever it is I interrupted." Rufus says with a wink before disappearing again.

"What do you say? Up for some clubbing in the big apple?" Adam asks Javi, fingers twirling the dark curls.

"I don't know how much fun I'll be, but yeah, I'm in." Javi murmurs, face buried against Adams chest as he inhales Adams scent.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Probably the longest chapter yet, I've been on an editing kick and trying to just let it go where it takes me rather than over thinking and staring at sections for weeks at a time. Sooo we'll see what happens and where it goes. 
> 
> Comments and such are always welcome and appreciated.

Exhausted, but Javi finds being out is good. He's learning as well that Adam knows people in almost every place they go. Seems he knows plenty in New York going by the group he got together.

Crowding into a VIP booth on the balcony, Javi sticks close to Adam. Everyone else is too unfamiliar. Adam's laughing, joking with a drink in hand, Javi silent and sipping at his soda. Still refusing any drink offers that include alcohol. Javi's content to sit and listen to the conversation though, the sight of Adam happy and relaxed enough to keep him occupied.

Adam downs the rest of his tequila, a hand on Javi's lower back as he turns toward him. "Think you can dance with me?" He asks, leaning in close to Javi's ear.

The touch is comforting, and sends shivers up Javi's spine as he nods. A slight hesitation before answering. "I- yeah- yeah, I think I can manage that. I make no promises that I'm any good at it, though."

Adam slides from the booth, "I'm sure you're fine," He says with a smirk as he leads Javi from the booth and downstairs. They're close, but there's space between them as Adam stakes claim on a secluded part of the dance floor. "Just say if I get to close or handsy. I'll back off if you're uncomfortable."

Javi's lips twitch into a shy smile, glancing up at Adam through his lashes. "I'm not scared of you, you know." He hesitates for a second or two before guiding Adams hands to his waist. "Uncomfortable isn't something I feel around you."

Leaning closer, eyes closed, Adam nods as he brushes their lips against each other. "Okay, but what I said still stands. If I do som-"

Javi cuts him off pressing their lips together more firmly, arms encircling Adam's shoulders. "Shut up. I know. I'll tell you if something bothers me, okay?" He murmurs, pulling back slightly.

"Okay." Adam whispers.

Both boys relax into it, it feels good to let loose, clear their heads. It takes Adam longer, unsure what to do with his hands, or what might be too much for Javi. But he settles in as they move to the music, letting the world and everyone else fade away. Its just him, Javi, and the beat of the music.

"We're heading out to the next club, you guys tagging along?" Rufus tapping on Adam's shoulder startles him out of his trance, and he nods.

"Yeah, sounds like a good plan." Adam steps back from Javi, shivering at the loss of contact. He glances up at the balcony, waving to the rest of their group so they could follow.

•••

"If you're gonna ask if I'm okay, don't." Javi says, comfortable in another VIP booth, Adam stealing glances at him every two seconds.

"What? I wasn't-"

"But you were thinking it, I can tell. I'll tell you if I need to go." Javi says, cutting Adam off. "I'm tired, but otherwise I'm fine. I feel good."

"Fine, you caught me. I can't help worrying, so bite me."

"Oh I could bite you alright." Javi chuckles, wiggling his eyebrows.

"I might like it." Adam murmurs, leaning in closer.

"I might be hoping that's the case, so maybe we should find out." Javi teases, closing the distance separating them to press their lips together.

"Okay. But maybe later when we're alone." Adam whispers against Javi's lips before increasing the pressure, lips sliding against each other sweet and slow. The taste of cola and tequila shared between them.

They part when the next of drinks arrives at the table, Javi still skipping the alcohol but he's settling into the group. He's joining the conversations, laughing, generally having a good time.

It's short lived. "Oh shit. Adam-" Javi starts, stopping mid laugh and Adam's head jerks toward Javi.

Javi's froze, Adam follows his line of sight. Across from their table in another booth. Fucking Jason. Adam sighs, slipping his hand into Javi's trembling one. He lifts it to his lips to place a kiss on the back of Javi's hand. "Don't worry about him and let it ruin your night. He's not worth it."

Javi nods, but that's easier said than done. At least Jason's too busy with some tiny young blonde to notice them right now. "That- that might be too late."

"Do you wanna go?" Adam asks, lacing their gingers together.

Shaking his head, Javi meets Adam's gaze with a small smile. "No. No, I don't want him to win, or to ruin anyone else's night. I'll- I'll be fine."

The last word is more of a squeak which Javi covers with a cough as he notices Jason coming toward their table.

"Can we help you?" Adam grits through his teeth as he glances up at the man. His stare intense and piercing.

"Yeah, I thought my fiance could introduce me to his friends. Least he could do after ignoring me for months now."

"It's cute you think he's still into you. He's not interested in intro-"

"Adam, let me out. I'm gonna- I think I'm gonna be sick." Javi pants through labored breaths. Adams attention jerks to Javi.

"Shit. Yeah- are you-" Javi's pulling at his shirt, on the verge of hyperventilating. Trying to push Adam from the booth.

"No, I'm not okay. Move." Javi gives Adam another nudge as Adam slides from the booth. Adam keeps a close eye on the direction Javi darts in, opening his mouth to speak.

"Aw. He never could hold his booze well."

"It's not- no. You know what? You don't deserve an explanation." Adam rolls his eyes, grabbing his wallet and tossing a few bills on the table to cover Javi and his drinks. "I'm out guys, I've gotta go make sure he's okay. This guy keeps coming over, have him thrown out."

•••

Adam finds Javi outside the front of the club. He's on his knees and dry heaving over a patch of grass. "Javi." His voice is soft as he approaches resisting the urge to reach out. "Hey. It's okay, babydoll, its just me. He can't hurt you anymore."

Javi nods to acknowledge Adam, but he still has to get himself under control before he can speak. Taking slow, deep breaths as Adam speaks soothing words to him. "I'm sorry." He rattles off, hiding his face in his hands as his shoulders slump. "Fuck. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry." Apologizing over and over, his hands muffling his words.

"Stop. What are you sorry for? You have no reason to be." Adam can't help himself any longer, he reaches out, moving Javi's hand from his face and wiping the tears away. "Hey. It's okay. You don't need to apologize."

"No, but I am. I'm so sorry. I've ruined your night, I shouldn't have came." Javi sobs, turning his gaze to meet Adam's. "You should go back in and enjoy your night out, I can get myself back to the hotel."

"Nonsense, if I go back in there without you, I'll just worry about you all night. Let me get you back to your room at least." Adam offers a hand to Javi, pushing himself to his feet.

Javi chews his lower lip, hesitating a moment before taking Adams hand. "Can I- Can I stay with you? I don't wanna be alone." Letting Adam help him to his feet, Javi reaches up, wiping his eyes with his sleeves. "Sorry, I don't mean to be such a mess."

"You don't need to ask, come on." Adam pulls Javi close, tucking Javi under his arm for the walk back to the hotel. "Stop apologizing."

Back in the room, they're silent as they change and clean up, crawling into bed together. Adam settling on his side and giving Javi his space only to find Javi tucking himself under Adams arm, head on Adams chest.

"Is this okay? Can you hold me?"

Adam nods, pressing a kiss to the top of Javi's dark curls. "It's more than okay, babydoll. You're safe here." He murmurs, wrapping Javi up in his arms. Sighing, Adam shifts until they're both comfortable. A quiet hum until Javi's breathing evens out and he's fast asleep on Adams chest.

••• the next week •••

For the next week Javi follows Adam to his room, and crashes out. Most night on top of Adam. Other nights in a fetal position at the far side of the Ned, back to Adam.

He doesn't give Adam a second thought the rest of the day.

It's getting frustrating for Adam.

Adams on his stomach on the couch, head buried on his arms. The room pitch black and silent. Javi raises an eyebrow as he enters. "Are you sleeping?"

"I fucking wish. Or maybe death would be better." Adam murmurs, moving or opening his eyes not an option. "My heads killing me. And I know, sound checks soon. I'll be there."

"Such a drama Queen." Javi chews his lower lip, contemplative. "Did you take something for it?" He asks, reaching for a dim lamp to switch it on. "Roll over."

"Well duh. How do you think I got this gig? I'm the biggest Queen there is." Adam nods, blinking his eyes open and squinting in the dim light. "I did, and if you think you're gonna rub this headache away, you're hands might have to go a lot further south."

"Oh, well. My mistake. I thought the singing had more to do with it." Javi steps over, Adam rolling to his back. Sitting down, Javi lifts Adams head into his lap. "Well, I can leave you alone to test that theory if you want. I'm not touching your dick."

"That's just a bonus." Adam let his eyes close again once his head was resting in Javi's lap. "Of course not. You've barely spoken to me all week."

"Sorry." Javi murmurs, chewing his lower lip. He blinks back tears, doing his best to hide the way his breath catches as his fingers massage Adams temples. "I'm sorry. But I don't want to drag you down. You don't need to deal with me."

"You don't need to deal with it on your own either. You don't have to keep it all inside. Seeing him affected you that bad?" Adam tilts his head into Javi's massaging fingers, the sniffle catching his attention. "Are you crying? Hey, come on. You don't have to worry about my headache when you're dealing with so much worse."

"No. Its okay. Makes me feel useful." Taking in a deep breath, Javi shakes his head. "And it did, more than I thought it did. But you don't need to worry about it. You shouldn't worry about me, you can't fix it."

"Too late for me to not worry. Because I am, and I've- Fuck, I lo-" Adam sighs, shaking his head. Blinking his eyes open, he shifts to sit up and turn toward Javi. "I worry, and I care. More than I'm ready to admit, and I know I can't fix anything for you. But I like to think we're friends, maybe even more at this point. And I can be here, I can listen, I can hold you and tell you it'll be okay."

"Just, stop. I'm broken and damaged. And this will only hurt more when you realize that, when you realize how disgusting I am and that you want nothing to do with me." Javi fidgets under Adams stare, glancing up at him through his lashes. "Sorry. I'll leave you be and start sleeping in my own room."

"No you won't. You're more than welcome anytime. I don't think you're disgusting at all. I could never. And anyone who does-"

"Is right. I stayed. I let it happen. Its my own fault."

"No. None of this is your fault. He manipulates you into believing you had no other choice but to stay and put up with it." Adam reaches out, pulling Javi close. "Stop apologizing and stop blaming yourself. You haven't done anything wrong. That was all Jason. And you can't keep it all inside. I'm here and I'll be here and willing to listen anytime you need."

Javi opened his mouth to speak, to protest everything Adam said, point out all the ways he was to blame. But Adam is right, Javi just needs to find a way to believe it. Instead he leaned in, crashing their mouths together as his hands came to tangle in Adam's hair.

Adam breaks the kiss several moments later, breathless and unable to open his eyes or pull away. "What was that?"

"Sorry." Javi murmurs, lips still brushing Adams, moving to pull away.

"No, don't be. Wasn't a complaint." Adam whispers, hands coming up, resting on the side of Javi's face. His thumbs brush Javi's cheeks as he rests their foreheads together, stealing several smaller kisses. "Just don't know where it came from."

"Me either. It just- it just happened." Javi's cheeks heat up, fingers playing with Adams hair. "I'm sorry for real though. Just not for the kiss. I must be the most frustrating person right now."

Adam chuckles, nodding. "Yeah, gotta say being ignored all day only for you to follow me to bed every nights pretty confusing." Adams eyes flicker open to meet Javi's. "But I get it. Well. I don't, I don't have any clue what you're going through. But you can tell me, you can talk it out or cry it out, whatever you need."

Javi cringes. "Shit. I'm so sorry, I didn't realize what that might do to you. I just- I- when I seen him, kinda keep thinking he's going to get to me somehow and I'm going to wake up to him- the way I did so many times for so many years." Sighing, Javi shrugs. "But I feel safer with you, like he can't get to me."

"You don't have to explain yourself. If it helps, if you feel safer and sleep better, you're welcome anytime. Just try not to shut me out the rest of the time." Adam places chaste kiss to Javi's lips before pulling back.

"I'll try my best. I just don't really know how to talk about it." Javi shrugs, his gaze locking on Adams. "How's your head?"

Adam chuckles. "Smooth subject change, babydoll." He shakes his head, giving a small smile. "It's better though, you must have the magic touch. Or kiss. Either one could have done it."

"Well there's plenty more of both if you need it. But I've probably held you hostage long enough. You have a soundcheck to get to, and a show to get ready for."

"I'll take you up on that offer later, but you are right about soundcheck and the show. I better get to it." Adam stole another kiss before pushing himself to his feet. "I'll see you after the show, and I'll be expecting you drooling on me tonight."

"I don't drool you jerk!" Javi fakes offense by the statement, tossing a pillow Adams way as Adam is laughing on his way out the door.

•••

Adam expects Javi to have dozed off when he finishes his shower, so he's quiet as he steps out of the adjoining bathroom. Raising an eyebrow when Javi is in fact, not asleep. "Thought you'd be asleep, babydoll."

Javi shifts, he's wearing one of Adams t-shirts. It's too big on him, Javi is only an inch or two shorter than Adam, but his shoulders aren't as broad. His body much more slender than Adam's own. "Thought about it. But I wanted to fall asleep with you."

"We can make that happen." Adam grins, tossing the towel he was drying his hair with aside. He flips off the lights in the room, leaving the bedside lamp to guide his way back to the bed. "Are we okay now? Whatever this might be."

Javi shifts, tucking himself against Adams side as he gets into bed. "We were always okay. I'm just not good at talking, especially about Jason. I'm not use to anyone caring or wanting to hear what I think or feel."

"We'll have to work on that. Because I do care, and I want to hear all of it. The good, and the bad. I want you to wake me up in the middle of the night if he's haunting your dreams, I want to help you through all of it." Adam twirls Javi's curls around his fingers, his eyes slipping closed.

"I'll keep that in mind and do my best." Javi whispers, shifting again. He rests a hand on the side of Adams neck and places a tentative kiss to his lips. "Are you tired?"

"What-" Adam starts after the kiss, licking his lips. "Depends what you have in mind." His mind is racing, his heart ready to beat out of his chest. He's wide awake now no matter what it is Javi has in mind.

"I want you to kiss me." Taking a deep breath, gathering himself to finish his request. Javi's hand slides down to Adams chest, over his heart. "Am I making you nervous?"

Adam chuckles, nodding. "More of a nervous excitement. I don't want to do anything to make you uncomfortable, but being with you, in anyway- I really fucking want that."

"Don't worry about making me uncomfortable then. Show me how bad you want to. I'm asking you to, I'm asking you to kiss me and not hold back, because I know you have been with me, I can feel it." Javi sighs, fingers tracing light circles over Adams chest. "Kiss me and let me feel how much you want it. Make me feel like I'm not just a broken waste of space."

"You're not a waste of space." Adam murmurs, shifting again to bring their lips together. Slow at first, just soft lips brushing together. But the angle is awkward and Adam chuckles. "Okay, but you need boundaries. You have to tell me what's off limits." Shifting their position, he flips Javi to his back, moving over him. "Like this. Is this okay?" His lips brushing Javi's as he spoke.

Squeaking when Adam flipped them, Javi turns it into a chuckle and nods. "This is okay. Its perfect. The kissing is fine." Javi's fingers tangle in Adams hair, using his legs to wrap around Adams thighs and pull his full weight down.

"I might get handsy though."

"Keep it above the waist?" Javi poses it more as a question, his voice shaky and higher than normal.

"Are you asking or telling?"

"A little of both? Can you keep it above the waist?"

Chuckling, Adam nods. "Yeah, I can do that. Anything below the waist is off limits."

Adam brings a hand up, cupping Javi's cheek. Their lips sliding together as he increases the pressure of the kiss. Javi's the first since Noah that has held Adams attention. He feels like he can move on and let go of Noah with Javi, so this is something he doesn't want to screw up.

Adam leaves everything in that kiss. Makes certain Javi gets what's on Adams mind, but still holds back enough that he doesn't pressure Javi into more than he's ready for. Deepening the kiss, Adam nips Javi's lower lip, his tongue brushing the seam of Javi's mouth. Asking for entrance.

Permission granted. Slides his tongue again Javi's, tongues dancing together and battling for control, something Adam wins and swallows the moan Javi let's out into the kiss.

Loosing himself in the kiss, the sensations, having Javi under him, Adams hands roam. He keeps his promise though, keeping them above the waist line and when he breaks the kiss, it's only to kiss along Javi's jaw.

"You're fucking beautiful, Javi." Adam whispers against Javi's skin, kissing along his neck. Kissing behind Javi's ear, sucking at the patch of skin. "So gorgeous, so fucking sexy. Did I mention how much I love you wearing my clothes? How its pure torture not being able to have you like this twenty-four seven?"

Slipping a hand under Javi's shirt, over his chest, Adam finds a nipple. Brushing his thumb over the peak. Adam makes note of every whimper and moan from Javi, the way his breath catches and changes, every response from Javi's body. "I have to stop before this goes any further, before I can't help myself."

Javi nods, eyes still closed and lips parted as Adam pulls back. "Just one more kiss. Please." He murmurs, trying to tug Adam back down.

Adam nods, pressing their lips together again, letting it linger for a moment before pulling back and rolling to his side beside Javi. He has to shift, adjust himself in his sweats. Smirks at the way Javi's gaze follows down to the tent in Adams pants, the way he's licking his lips. "Take it easy, babydoll. Let's not get ahead of ourselves."

Javi's gaze flickers back up to Adam's, his pupils blown with arousal. "Its hard to miss that thing stabbing me in the hip."

Adam chuckles and shakes his head. "Could say the same thing about you."

"Sorry." Javi murmurs, rolling to face Adam, tracing his fingers over Adams lower lip.

"Don't be, natural reaction. And it wasn't a complaint."

Javi's gaze falls between them again. To that sliver of skin showing between Adams shirt and sweats. His hand comes up, tracing the waist band of Adams sweats. "Can I-" Chewing his lower lip, "I mean- I want to, but I wouldn't- I don't have have a clue what I'm doing."

Adam shakes his head, reaching for Javi's hand. He pulls it up, pressing a kiss to his knuckles. "You don't need to. I was planning on ignoring it and sleeping." Raising an eyebrow at Javi, "as for what to do, just whatever you would do for yourself."

"That-" Javi's cheeks heat up, turning beet red. "I don't even remember the last time-" shaking his head. "It's been so long."

"In that case, I want you to. When you're ready." Adam nods, placing a kiss to Javi's forehead. "Was it really so bad with him that you didn't even- Not even on your own?"

"He's the only person I've ever been with. He was never very attentive to anyone but himself." Javi shrugged. "Sex and anything related to kind of lost its appeal after a while. I mean, I met him when I was thirteen, how was I suppose to know that's not how it was suppose to be?"

"So it was never good with him?"

"Not for long. I mean, the first time sucked, though the backseat of his car probably wasn't the best place." Javi chewed his lower lip. "There were a few times after though, I seem to remember being really good. Then it just became more about him, what he wanted and when. It didn't matter if I wasn't into it. And I just- I thought that's how relationships worked. You did things to keep the other happy whether you wanted to or not."

"That's not how it works, there are compromises, sure. But if something makes you completely uncomfortable,you can say no, no !after who it is." Adam shifts, pulling the blankets over them. "But, it sounds like you need to find that inner thirteen year old boy again, trying to sneakily rub one out in the bathroom and hoping you don't get caught." Trying to lighten the mood a bit.

"Oh my god! Why would- who said I did that? I just told you I was too busy sneaking around in the backseat of Jason's car." Javi covers his face with his hands, shaking his head.

"You never had that experience of trying to-"

"Oh my god, no. Jesus. Did you?"

Adam chuckles, nodding. "My dad caught me watching gay porn when I was twelve. I wasn't even out at the time, extra awkward."

"I can't say that I'm bothered to have missed that experience." Javi laughs, burying his face in the crook of Adams neck.

"I don't recommend it." Adam shakes his head. "Though I do think a little alone time could do you some good. Spoil yourself, or just a quick and dirty jerk off in the shower. Either way, it could help you feel in control again, rather than someone just using you whenever they feel like."

"I have no idea how you just talk about these things like its normal everyday conversation." Javi says, muffled against Adams chest. "It does make sense though. We'll see."

"Because it is. Its totally normal, and natural. And I guess the ease of talking about it comes with experience." Adam shrugs. "Think about it, put it into action, and tell me how it goes." Smirking, Adam kisses the top of Javi's head. "Right now, sleep though. 'M sleepy."

"Goodnight, Superstar."

•••


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Idk these boys just got away from me and do what they want. 
> 
> I'm spoiling with all the updates and longer chapters though 😂😂

Javi's careful to untangle himself from Adam the next morning without waking him. Harder said thgo, done, Adam's a fucking octopus and grows extra limbs in his sleep, or at least Javi's convinced that's what happens. It has to be why its so hard to get away from the mans hold on him.

Undressing for his shower, Javi's mind wanders to the night before, to his and Adams activities. The way thee had made out like horny teenagers and he finds his dick is still very much interested in that topic. Something he ignores and pushes the thoughts aside. At least as long as he can.

His mind wanders again as he's rinsing his hair. Wondering what Adams fingers wrapped around his length would be like, or his mouth.

His hand finds its way down his chest and stomach before he can stop himself. Fingers wrapping around the base of his cock and giving a few experimental pumps. Javi bites down on his lower lip to stop the moan threatening to escape. Adam was right, he needs this, needs to reacquaint himself with his sexual side, relearn the things that he likes and doesn't like.

Those images are back in his head, the ones of the night before. Thoughts of how fucking perfect and patient Adam is. His favorite though is imagining Adam on his knees, those perfect lips and tongue working their magic on Javi's dick. He speeds up as he strokes himself closer to climax, his thumb brushing the slit. The pre-cum collecting, dripping. So much of it, but he doesn't have a chance to wonder if that's normal. "Holy shit." Whispering, Javi barely contains the moan as his balls draw up and his jaw falls slack.

It should be embarrassing how fast it happened, how quick he came over his hand. But he's alone, who's going to know? Maybe its normal anyway? And Adam did tell him to find his inner thirteen year old boy again. He might have done just that. Slumping against the shower wall, supporting himself with his arm, it takes Javi a solid ten minutes to collect himself and turn the shower off.

Stepping out, he grab the fluffy white bathrobe, wrapping it around himself. Javi's back in the adjoining room, crossing to the bed to snuggle up with Adam again.

"Where've you been?" Adams words slur with sleep, and Javi chuckles.

"Right here, goof. Just had a quick shower." Javi says, shifting to press a kiss to Adams lips.

Adams eyes blink open, squinting in the harsh light of the sun blaring through the window. "Ugh. How are you awake? I need coffee. So much coffee." He murmurs, tugging Javi close and burying this face in Javi's chest. "Mm, you almost smell better than coffee though."

Javi laughs, shaking his head. "I don't know how you drink so much of that stuff. But if you let me go, I'll get dressed and make a run." Javi runs his fingers through Adams messy hair, massaging the back of his scalp. "Do you know how hard you are to get away from in the morning, mister octopus?"

"No, but I have been told its quite difficult. Only fair after you drool on me all night though." Adam teases, loosening his hold on Javi.

"Oh my god, shut up. I do not drool." Javi squirms away, bopping Adam with a pillow.

"You do, I'll prove it one day." Adam fake pouts, "hey, its too early for all this abuse."

Javi laughs as he gets up from the bed. "You won't cause its not true." He grabs his clothes from his bag, shaking his head as he disappears back to the bathroom to pull them on.

"Bring me my coffee."

Adams sitting up when Javi comes back in the room fully dressed. "Oh, is that all I am now? Some errand boy to fetch your things?" Javi teases, a smirk on his face.

"Well, I mean, that is what you were hired for." Adam teases back, but he shakes his head. "But no. Shut up and let me finish." Javi raises an eyebrow, waiting. "You offered to go anyway. So, go, and hurry up. After we can go walk around, do some sight seeing. Maybe find something to eat."

Javi nods, stepping over to steal a kiss. "I like that plan. I'll be back in a flash."

••• two weeks later •••

Breathless and panting, Javi's fingers tangled in Adams hair. His mouth opens on a moan, that turns into a laugh as Adam blows a raspberry against his hip. "Oh my god, what are you doing? That's not the least bit sexy."

Adam's cracking himself up though, forehead rested against Javi's stomach where they lay on the couch. "That was the point." He pants. "Was cooling us down." Lifting his head, resting his chin on Javi's bare chest. "Unless you're gonna let me help with this?" Adams hands are sliding up Javi's thighs toward the bulge in his jeans. Javi squirms away from the touch, shaking his head. "Didn't think so."

"Not there yet." Javi murmurs, and Adam nods. He places a kiss in the center of Javi's chest, next to a love bite he'd left moments earlier, then moves up, kissing his lips. "You might be part vampire." Javi teases as he glances down at his bare torso when Adam sits up, taking in all the marks left behind. Both new and old, faded ones from the last couple weeks.

"Well then, babydoll, we're perfect together because you have some in you too." Adam shakes his head, glancing down at the marks littering his own torso. "Where's my shirt?"

"Somewhere over there." Javi gestures over the backrest, chuckling. "Your phones ringing, Superstar."

"Shit. Your right." Adam fishes the phone from his pocket as he stands and walks around the back of the couch. Accepting the call as he finds his shirt. Its a video call so he lays the phone down so he's out of sight. "Doctor Murphy. How're you?"

"I'm good, Adam. Though I can't see you, I seem to be looking at a ceiling?"

Laughing, "yeah, that's on purpose. Just a second." Adam finds their shirts, tossing one to Javi. "Wait." Holding up the shirt he kept, he's laughing again. "You'll have to trade me, babydoll. Your shirt won't fit me."

"Did I interrupt something?"

Javi cracks up that time, switching shirts with Adam. "Not at all. I was just leaving. Though, I would like to see Adam try to fit into my clothes." He smirks,pulling his shirt on. "Call if you need me, Superstar."

"Okay, sorry about that. Didn't realize the time." Adam says as he grabs the phone and adjusts it so Doctor Murphy can see him, settling back on the couch.

"Adam, are you even listening?"

Adam's not at all. His mind wandering back to Javi and he has no idea what Doctor Murphy is rambling about. He checked out about ten minutes ago. "Actually- No. Little distracted."

"Maybe we should do this another time."

"Yeah probably. Can I just ask you something?" Adam reaches to push his hair out of his face.

"Yeah, go ahead."

"How do-" Adam sighs, chewing his lower lip. "Its about Javi. I don't know how- He doesn't- Jesus, I don't even know how to ask without sounding like a total ass."

"Javi? You've mentioned a little bit about him. You really like him?"

"Yeah, but that's not the problem. It's-" sighing again, Adam tugs at his hair. "Sex. It's sex. I don't want to pressure, but I don't know how to- how to go about it I guess?"

"You're actually flustered. I think that might be a first." This earns him a glare from Adam and Doctor Murphy chuckles. "You mentioned before Javi just got out of a relationship that wasn't quite- healthy? It involved abuse?" Adam nods. "Well, honestly, sex and relationships isn't my area of expertise, so I'm not sure I can really be helpful. I can give you the number of a colleague that may help though."

"I- yeah. I'll take that. I just feel like I'm betraying him talking to anyone about it, but I don't know how to make things okay for him. I think I need a little push in the right direction."

"You two will figure it out together, talking to someone can help though. I'm just glad to see you finally moving forward. Having feeling toward him at all, that's a big step."

"Yeah." Adams lips curl to a smile, "I'm in way too deep with this one I think. But there's no going back. I think I've fallen, and I've fallen hard."

•••

"Whatcha need, Superstar?" Javi says answering his phone.

"You. I need you."

"What happened? I'll be right-"

"No." Adams breathless, and his chuckle trails into a moan. "Wanna- just wanna try something. Just talk to me, babydoll. Go somewhere alone, please."

"Oh my god, Adam. Your not- I'm not-" Javi stumbles over his words, stepping out of the room with the crew. Finding an empty secluded corner. "Okay. Okay, I'm alone. What do I-"

"Do you want to? I can hang up and forget it if it makes you uncomfortable."

"No, I'm not- I want to. But I've never, on the phone. I don't know-"

There's rustling on the other end of the line, "Putting you on speaker, babydoll." Adam murmurs. "And you don't have to do anything, or say anything specific. Just talk to me, let me hear your voice." Trailing off on a moan, "but if you want to- want to really get me there? You can use that sexy deep voice of yours. You know the one you have when we've been kissing and you're all turned on? Its the same when you're falling asleep or just waking up-"

"I can't talk if you keep rambling, Superstar." Javi says, lowering his voice.

"Oh god, yeah that's the voice, babydoll. Jesus, okay. Keep talking. Let go, just say what comes to mind. Tell me all the things you've imagined doing to me, or us doing together."

Taking a deep breath, gathering his composure. Javi glances around making certain he's still alone. "Oh my god, Adam, someone's going to walk by and hear. And fuck, you sound so sexy. What do you want, baby? You want my fingers wrapped around your dick? Maybe my mouth?"

Javi smirks at the whine Adam makes. "Yeah. Yeah to both. Fuck your lips are perfect, babydoll. They'd be so pretty wrapped around my cock."

"Yeah? My hand cupping your balls while I tease you with my tongue. Licking up all the wet goodness leaking from the tip-"

"Javi- fuck. Keep- keep going."

"You're close aren't you?" The whimper from Adam is the only response he gets, but its enough. "You are. You gonna come for me, baby? Shoot that hot load down my throat?" Adams breath catches, Javi bites his lower lip. "Or maybe you want to come all over my face, mark me-"

"Oh fuck, yes. Javi, yes, baby, yes." Adams murmuring as he comes, moans and whimpers filling Javi's ears.

"That's it, baby. Let me hear you-"

"You can- fuck. Where did-" Adam pants, pulling in deep breaths to get his breathing back to normal.

"I don't know but you asked. So fucking awkward, I hope you know." Javi chuckles, "I'm on my way in."

•••

"Why would you-" Javi pauses, glancing back to the door he just came in, and to Adam spread out on the couch, pants still undone. "Wait. Did you just- with the door unlocked?"

Adam cracks up, nodding. "When the mood strikes." Adam shrugs.

"What even got that mood started? Weren't you talking to your therapist?" Javi raises an eyebrow, stepping over to Adam, straddling his hips.

"I was, but it didn't last long. I couldn't focus." Adam's gaze trailed up Javi's body. "And I was thinking about talking to you about something, and my mind wandered. I mean, you had left me in a questionable state anyway."

"You're ridiculous."

"You went along with it."

"I'm still trying to figure out why. What did you want to talk to me about that made your mind to there?" Javi asks leaning over Adam to place a kiss to his lips.

Adam chuckles, holding his hands up and away from Javi. "I don't know, but where did any of that come from? You have a dirty mouth when you want to." Nudging his hips up, "still kinda- uh, sticky, babydoll. Might wanna let me up."

"I don't know the either. I just said hat came to mind." Javi hid his face in his hands, hiding the bright red creeping up his cheeks and shifted off Adam, letting him up. "You didn't answer my question though."

"Oh, babydoll. Don't be embarrassed. It was fucking hot, and I'd love to see that side more often." Adam pushed himself to his feet, heading toward the adjoined bathroom to clean up. "Question? Oh, what was I wanting to talk to you about? That's for me to know, and you to find out later. I'm plotting things, and for once that's a good thing."

"Should I be scared by that?"

"That depends how it goes. I'm hoping to keep the fear and nerves away though." Adam shrugged, he had idea running though his mind. Talking with Murphys colleague gave Adam some insight, and considering Javi's reaction to the phone call, he had more confidence that it would work.

"I can't say how well that's on gonna go. You need to get ready for the show."

"What do you think I'm doing?"

•••

"Hey, babydoll, you ready to head out?" Adam asks as he steps from the bathroom backstage, towel hanging from his waist.

Adam made plans for the hotel, but he's second guessing himself. Unsure Javi's ready for any of it. On top of that Javi can barely stay awake.

"Hmm? Oh. Yeah. So ready for a bed."

Yeah, maybe a bad night for his plan, but too late now.

A hint of curiosity on Javi's features as he eyes Adam while he dresses. "Well. I was hoping we could talk when we get there, and-" chewing his lower lip, "sleep wasn't part of the plan."

"But. Sleep is sooo good." Javi murmurs, taking Adams offered hand to pull himself up. Pouting. "Tease. I was enjoying that view."

"Nap on the plane, and we'll see how it goes when we get to the hotel. If you're really that tired, it can wait." Adam places a kiss to Javi's forehead, tracing his fingers along Javi's spine. "Hmm? The view of me?"

"Mhmm. I like looking."

Adam chuckles, nodding. "We can talk about that at the hotel. Now come on,"

"Carry me."

"That tired?"

Nodding, "yes. Walkings too hard."

Adam laughs, shaking his head. "No it isn't, you goof. Come on."

•••

"Are you awake, babydoll?" Adam asks with a guiding hand on Javi's lower back as they reach their room. Well. Adam's room, but since they've been sharing.

"Yes." Javi murmurs, covering his mouth on a yawn. "Maybe."

Adam chuckles. "Can you be anymore adorable?" Unlocking the door, Adam pushes it open a crack as not to give anything away yet. "Are you up for this tonight? We can forget it, do it another time."

Javi's awake then, shaking his head. "I'm fine, just a little groggy from the short nap. We can sleep in tomorrow right? Off day?"

"Definitely. I have plans for tomorrow too though." Adam explains, pressing a kiss to Javi's lips. "Sure though? I kinda want you awake and able to make actual decisions right now."

"You have been a busy, sneaky man. Now come on, what is it you don't want me to see yet? Let's go inside."

"Okay, but one thing first." Adam says, turning to face Javi. His hand came up, tilting Javi's chin up and placing a kiss on his lips. "You're allowed to say no. If you don't want any of this you can say no. If you need to, it stops at anytime."

"What- what is it you have planned exactly?"

"The only thing I have in mind is talking, and maybe a soak in the tub. Anything else is bonus, but we'll see where the night takes us." Adam nods, turning to push the door open more, letting Javi enter first.

"You're making me nervous." Javi murmurs, turning to enter the room. Taking in the room, his gaze darting around. The lights are dim, flameless candles all over to set the mood. "Adam." Javi's blinking back the tears threatening to fall, running his fingers of the giant bouquet of flowers on the table.

"You don't like it. Its too much-" Adam chews his lower lip, shaking his head. "I'm sorry I shouldn't-"

"Adam, shut up." Javi chuckles, turning to face Adam. "You shouldn't have because I'm not worth the trouble. And after how much you've dealt with my shit, and how patient you've been, I should be the one doing this for you."

"It was no trouble, and you deserve every bit of it." Adam reaches up, wiping the few stray tears from Javi's cheeks. "I hope those are happy tears for a change."

"I- uh, yeah. Well. Happy, and way overwhelmed." Javi reaches up, resting a hand over Adams. "No ones done anything like this for me before, especially not without some sort of expectations of what they get in return."

"Only expectations I have is you telling me if something is too much." Adam raises an eyebrow, nodding. "And knowing that, you better get use to it because as long as you're mine, I'm gonna spoil the hell out of you."

"Since when am I yours?"

"Since right now, if that's okay?"

Javi chuckles and nods. "I think I've been yours since the second I laid eyes on you in that bar. It's more than okay. You're ready for that step? What about Noah?"

"You know, I'm pretty sure I knew since then too but I wasn't ready to admit it." Adam sighs, a smile curling his lips. "Yeah. I am. And as for Noah, he'll always be a part of my life, I'll always miss him. But I can't dwell on what could have been. Actually, he left a note just for me, telling me exactly that. Not to dwell, and that I had to forgive him and move on. And honestly, I think he'd approve of my choice here."

"I'm glad he'd approve then." Javi smiles at Adam, raising an eyebrow. "I doubt this is what you wanted to talk about though."

Adam laughs, shaking his head. "No. Well. Not all of it." Picking up one of the chocolate covered strawberries, holding it to Javi's lips. "I wanted to talk about us, and what this is. I think that's out of the way though." Leaning in after Javi bit into the fruit, Adam presses a kiss to Javi's lips. Chasing after the taste of chocolate and strawberry on them. "I also wanted to talk about you, and sex."

"That's the part that makes me nervous."

"Why does that make you nervous? It shouldn't."

"Because," taking a deep breath, Javi meets Adams eyes. "What if I don't like it? Or what if I'm no good and just suck at sex? I mean, Jason had to always run off to be with someone else-"

"Jason is a fucking asshole that wasn't going to be happy no matter what you did, and I'm not him-"

"I know that. I know you're not him, I wasn't sayin-"

"I know you weren't. I wasn't accusing, just reminding." Adam pops the rest of the strawberry in his mouth. "If you don't like something, you say so, and we stop or don't do it again. If it isn't good, we talk about it and share why it wasn't good for us, and we fix it. We try again and we figure it out."

"What if- what if it just ends up like with Jason? What if I just resort to assuming I have to do things because you want them?"

"It won't. Because I won't let you forget you can say no." Placing a kiss to Javi's forehead, Adam reaches for Javi's hand, giving a small squeeze. "And this isn't about having sex right now. I won't say no if you want to, but that wasn't why I brought it up. And we don't have to go all the way right off, small steps to get there if you need."

"I do want to, but I don't think I'm quite ready to go there yet." Chewing his lower lip, Javi glances at their joined hands. "Maybe those small steps. Like what though? What did you have in mind?"

"And that's okay." Adam nods, stepping closer. "Well, all I really had in mind right now was a bath. Can we do that? We can talk more there."

"Yeah. I think I can do that. Can you get me stoned first though? I could use something to calm the nerves.

"That I can do."

•••

"So how are we doing this?"

Adam turned to Javi as he turned off the water. "Well first we get in. You know what a bath is, right?" He's teasing, and it works for a second to lighten the mood.

"Shut up, yes I know what a bath is." Javi chuckles, raising an eyebrow as Adam slips his robe off and steps into the tub. "It's the- its the rest that I'm not too sure about."

"Get in then and let me show you. Better yet, we'll finish talking. Can I ask something?" Adam settles in the tub, leaning back, eyes slipping closed. "Come on, I won't look."

"I don't know how to answer that without knowing what it is, so I'll just say yes and ignore you if I don't like it." Javi teases and he hesitates before slipping his own robe off and stepping into the tub. "And you looking wasn't a problem, pretty sure you're gonna see eventually." He murmurs as he settles between Adams legs, leaning against Adams chest.

"That's fair enough. There's more than one question though really. Sort of." Adam runs his hands up over Javi's chest. "First, boundaries still apply here. Nothing below the waist unless you tell me otherwise. Second, you should tell me how you felt about earlier, when I called you. "

"That's more of a request than a question."

"I said sort of. Now, gonna answer?"

"Okay, yeah." Javi sighs, tilting his head back against Adams shoulder. "It was- I don't know. It was a little awkward, but kinda hot to hear you like that."

"You didn't-' did you go along because you just thought its what I wanted and didn't want to disappoint me, or be-"

"No. That wasn't why. I wanted to. I just- I never, did that. On the phone. And dirty talks never been my best skill."

Adam chuckles, hands caressing Javi's chest, thumbs brushing over nipples. "Well I hate to tell you this, but whoever said you were bad at dirty talk is fucking wrong." Adam smirks, "would you do it again?"

"I mean that more in its awkward, and just always feels so, um- over the top? Like its too much? And I end up getting flustered. By the way, even more awkward in the middle of a hallway with crew members all around." Javi's breath hitches from Adams teasing fingers, nodding. "Yeah. I probably would."

Adam laughs, nodding. "Oh, sorry. They didn't hear anything right?" Adam nods, placing a kiss to Javi's temple. "Mm. Maybe next time you can jerk off with me, let me hear you too. Have you yet? On your own?"

"If I'm actually alone next time, you might get lucky." Javi raises an eyebrow. "Is that the actual question?" Chewing his lower lip, Javi nods. "Let's just say, I've been a really looking forward to my morning shower the last couple weeks."

"Oh so that's why you've been getting up so early and taking the world's longest shower."

"Long? Sometimes I don't even get a hand on myself before its over." Javi shifts, fidgety. "You know how you said I needed to fins that inner thirteen year old me? Well I think I found him and he's a horny little shithead that doesn't know how to hold off in the least so I hope your not expecting it to last long."

Adam laughs, "Sorry." He calms himself, face in the crook of Javi's neck. "Sorry. Not that funny." His hands trail down low on Javi's stomach. "What is it you think about I'm your steamy showers?"

"You."

"Wow, specific, babydoll. I see why someone would as your bad at dirty talk now." Adam teases, "what about me? Talk to me. Tell me what it is you want me to do, all your dirty fantasies."

"I don't know about fantasies, its pretty normal." Javi chews his lower lip, shifting again, Adams hands resting on the front of his hips and threatening to dip lower. But Javi knows he won't unless Javi asks him to. "You. Everything. You- some days just you jerking me off. Usually its you on your knees, your- your mouth-"

"You're cute when you're flustered." Adam smirks, "you imagine what it'd be like if I sucked you off?" Javi squirms, nodding as a whimper leaves his throat. "Is this making you uncomfortable?"

"Uncomfortable in a 'I think my balls might explode at any second' kinda way."

"Because you're thinking about my mouth on you?" Javi nods, his eyes closed and lips parted. He's trying to nudge Adams hands lower, but Adam won't budge. "Thinking about me touching you? Is that what you want? You have to say it, babydoll. You have to say what you want."

"I want- I don't know. I want you to- I just- I need- something." Javi murmurs, shifting to turn to face Adam, crashing their lips together. The first time Javi initiates anything more than a peck, and its a passionate kiss, Javi taking control, claiming Adams mouth with his own.

When Adam broke away from the kiss, they're both breathless. "I need you to say it. We can- fuck, we don't have to touch each other, we can- ourselves."

"No." Shaking his head, "no. I want- I want you to touch me. Boundary's no longer in effect."

"Let's move this to the bed, babydoll."

•••

Adam raises an eyebrow an he turns around, dropping his robe again. Javi's laughing, sprawled on his back on the bed, robe open. "What's funny?" He asks, crawling over Javi.

"I'm sure you meant 'sexy' when you told me to get comfy and this isn't it at all." Javi brings his arms up around Adams neck, pulling him down for a kiss.

"No, I meant comfy, just needed to grab something." Adam murmurs against Javi's lips. "And besides, you don't have to do anything special. Trust me, you're gorgeous and sexy as hell without even trying."

"Furthest thing from it, but I'm glad you think so."

"I'm gonna change your mind and way of thinking on that one." Adam shifts, sitting back on his knees over Javi's hips. "Still okay? Can we get rid of this?" He asks, tugging at the plush robe.

"You might have your work cut out on that one." Javi nods, shifting as well. "I'm still okay. Fantastic, actually. Probably a little too eager, even." Sliding himself from under Adam. He moves to his knees as well, letting the robe slip off his arms and drop. "Can I-" trailing his fingers down Adams chest a stomach, he pauses at his hip, his gaze flickering back up to meet Adams.

"I don't give up easily." Adam murmurs, a shiver running though him with Javi's touch as he nods. "You don't have to ask." Pulling Javi closer, he sucks Javi's lower lip between his own, hands cupping the sides of Javi's face. "But you don't have to at all. Only if you want to."

"I want." Javi murmurs, tongue tracing over Adams lips until they parted, tongues meeting and sliding against each other as they kiss. Javi's hand slips lower, finger running along Adams cock from base to tip. Teasing the head as be runs his finger over the slit, through the precum there.

Adam whimpers into the kiss, hips bucking toward Javi's touch. "You have no idea how many times I've imagined your hands on me instead of my own." He murmurs, pulling back from the kiss.

"I might still suck at it."

"I'll guide you if you need it." Adams rearranging them again, moving to sit against the headboard and tugging Javi into his lap. "What you're doing is good. A fucking tease, but it's good."

"Oh, you mean this?" Javi smirks, thumbing the slit again as he wraps his fingers around Adams length.

"Yeah." Adams breath catches, nodding. "That." He murmurs, searching the bed for the item he grabbed earlier. Holding up the small bottle when he finds it, "here, babydoll." Flipping the cap open, Adam pours the lube over his length, letting Javi spread it around with a few slow experimental strokes. "Yeah, like that, baby."

Adam shifts them again, finding a comfortable position for them where the angle wasn't awkward, and they weren't in the way of each other. Javi's breath catches as Adams slick hand closes around his length, hips jerking. "Shit-" He laughs at himself, Adam didn't even do anything yet, not really, and yet that heat is building low in his belly.

"Okay?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm- I'm okay. Just didn't expect- Jesus, you haven't done anything and I- I'm fighting pretty hard not to blow already." Javi murmurs, stumbling over words.

"So I shouldn't," Adam smirks, thumbing the slit of Javi's dick, brushing the spot under the head on the underside, "do this?"

"Fuck- what did-" Javi trails off on a moan, it takes everything he has to fight off the looming climax. Mimicking the same action on Adam, pulling a moan from Adam as his hips jerk up toward Javi's hand.

"Fuck, babydoll. That- that's good. Just don't over do it, can be too much." Adam murmurs and Javi nods as Adam brings their mouths together in a sloppy kiss.

Javi's balls are pulling up tight, ready to unload. He can't fight it any longer, his mouth falls open, eyes closed as he means out Adams name, warm creamy liquid spilling over Adams hand. His hand on Adam moving erratically as he tries to keep his rhythm through the blinding pleasure.

"Beautiful, babydoll. You're so fucking beautiful." Adam murmurs, rattling nonsense as his own climax approaches. "Keep going, baby, so close. Yes, god, Javi, yes, baby-" Spilling over Javi's hand, Adams tangling his clean hand in the back of Javi's hair. Javi slumping against him as they catch their breath.

"Can we sleep now?" Javi murmurs.

Laughing, Adam nods. "Yeah, if that's what you want." Shifting, he nudges Javi back so he can grab the wet wipes he left on the nightstand. "Might want to clean up first," letting Javi pull one out, Adam did the same.

"How are you such a boyscout? Are lube and wipes in your reach at all times?"

Adam laughs, shaking his head. "No. What do you think I was getting while you got settled in bed?" Raising an eyebrow, they finish cleaning up, tossing the wipes toward a bin. "Are you good, babydoll? Clothes?"

"Oh yeah. Forgot about that." Javi glances down at them both and nods. "'M fantastic. And yeah, I think clothes are needed. I also don't think I actually want to sleep."

Adam nods, shifting Javi off his lap so he can get up. He grabs a pair of sweats and pulls them on. "No? I thought you did?" He asks while grabbing sweats from Javi's things for him.

Stopping Adam midway through looking for a shirt for Javi. "Can I have one of your t-shirts?" Adam nods, Javi doesn't need to ask. "And I did, I'm kinda exhausted, but I don't actually."

Adam laughs, handing Javi the clothing items as he gets back into bed. "You're not making sense. I think we broke you."

"You might have, actually." Javi shakes his head, getting up to pull the clothes on. "I just mean, I'm tired and I could sleep, but I don't really want to." Getting back into bed and sprawling on his stomach, "instead, I'd rather enjoy the euphoric high of orgasmic bliss. And that for now, I've forgotten all about you know who and the things he's done."

"That is one of the best highs, it should be enjoyed." Adam smiles, shifting closer and rolling to his side. He brings a leg over Javi's hips, arm draped across his shoulders. "Forgetting him is good too."

"Definitely. Feels pretty great to take that step, and be with you. That I have a unicorn of a boyfriend that I can actually trust. He can't control me anymore." Javi smiles, snuggling closer under Adams hold. "Sorry it didn't last longer, though."

"That unicorn must feel really fucking lucky and special right now." Adam places a kiss to Mavis shoulder, chuckling. "We'll work on stamina next time."

"He might." Squirming to roll to his back under Adam, Javi raises an eyebrow. "Who said anything about there being a next time?"

"A unicorn can hope." Adam laughs, fingers carding his fingers through Javi's hair. "I can't believe you called me a unicorn."

"Because you're rare and one of a kind." Javi nods, hands coming to cup the sides of Adams face. "And the fact that you're often covered in glitter proves my point. Its still in your hair now."

"Fair enough." Adam laughs at the mention of glitter, shaking his head. "I know, that shits hard to get out. It'll be still there a year after this tours over."

"A year from now?"

"Probably. I seem to always find glitter somewhere even when I haven't touched it for years."

"That's cause you're a fucking unicorn, you probably sweat glitter."

Adam cracks up, shaking his head. "You're ridiculous."

"You love it."

 _I love you_ is the first thing to pop into Adams head as a response, but he doesn't. At least not verbally, its in the kiss he places on Javi's lips. "More than you know, babydoll."

"I might have an idea, Unicorn." Javi leans up to press their lips together again. "What are we doing tomorrow? You said you made plans."

"You'll find out tomorrow."

•••


	22. Chapter 22

Javi wakes the next morning, or, afternoon so the clock tells him, and squints in the bright light from the windows. They must have squirmed away from each other during the night as there's no octopus encircling him. Why do they need such a huge bed anyway- wait.

Rolling over, Javi furrows his brows, Adam woke up first and that's why there's no octopus attached to him, a first for everything, right? Or maybe the previous night was all a dream. Pushing himself to sit up and rubbing his eyes. Have glances to the night stand, a note he raises an eyebrow at. So Adam did wake up before him.

'I love waking up to you're beautiful face.  
P.s. you still drool.'

"I do not." Javi shakes his head and pushes himself to stand, making his way to the bathroom where he finds another note on the mirror. 'You're perfect, and you're worthy. (Even if you drool)'

Javi rolls his eyes at that one with a chuckle. "You're a ridiculous unicorn, Adam." Shaking his head he goes about the rest of his business.

Stepping out of the shower, and wrapping a towel around his waist, he startles with a squeak as arms wrap him from behind. "Shit, I'm sorry."

Javi chuckles, the rational side of his brain quick to take over. It was Adams room, who else would it be? "No, no. Its fine, just caught me off guard." Turning in Adams arms, Javi drapes his arms over Adams shoulders, leaning in for a kiss. "Where did you go? And what's with the notes?"

"Needed coffee." Adam murmurs, going in to chase after the kiss. "And the notes, just because. Its just something I do sometimes."

"Isn't that my job?" Javi teases, pressing closer to Adam. "You are seriously something else, now go. Let me get dressed and then you can tell me what those plans you have for the day are."

"Day off, remember? Plus you were were so fucking adorable, I couldn't bring myself to wake you." Adam raises an eyebrow. "What? No repeats of last night yet?" Stepping back with a smirk, Adam nods.

"Well, I appreciate the sleep. Though I missed your face this morning." Laughing, Javi shakes his head. "Not right now, Unicorn. Now go. I'll be quick."

"I'm stuck with that now, aren't I?" Adam raises an eyebrow as he back out of the bathroom, chuckling.

"Unicorn? You are. Have to deal with it." Javi teases, pushing the door shut when Adam out.

"What if I don't like it?"

"Too bad." Calling through the door, Javi shakes his head. Getting dressed doesn't take long, and then he's joining Adam on the room and tucking himself under Adams arm on the couch. "Now, what are we doing today?"

"I don't have any real plan other than I wanted you to meet someone."

Javi tilts his head, raising an eyebrow. "Should I be nervous? I'm guessing they're important if you want me to meet them."

"I'm in town, so I'm suppose to visit them anyway. But yeah, they're important." Adam shifts, turning more toward Javi. "I don't think there's any reason to be nervous though. But Noah has family here, and they've just become an extension of my own family-"

"That's not weird to take me around his family? Seems a little- rude? Like rubbing it in you get to move on?"

"Some could maybe take it that way, but they won't. Noah would have wanted me to be happy, they know that." Adam cups the side of Javi's face, pressing a kiss to his lips. "Do you not want to? If it makes you uncomfortable I can go on my own and we'll do something-"

"No. Its okay, if you want me to go, I want to go."

•••

"What are you doing?" Javi asks as he glances up from his spot on the grass, Adam standing on the dock and half undressed.

"Going for a swim, come join me?"

"Are you insane?"

Adam chuckles, shrugging his shoulders. "I might be. But you love it, now come on."

It's dark. It was a long day of lunch with Noah's family, something Javi still wasn't sure about. They were nice, but Javi wasn't sure how to act around them. Really, meeting new people in general, he was never sure about. He stayed close to Adam, keeping quiet and observing.

There's shopping after, so much shopping. Adam insisting they take Noah's sister and her little girls out. Javi relaxes by the end of that adventure, laughing every time the little girls yell they want something and Adam telling them to get it. They probably had an entire new wardrobe, while their mother rolls her eyes and tells Adam he needs to stop spoiling them.

They end up at Laura's for dinner after, which Javi learns they have a giant plot of land their houses sits on, including a private lake. The one Adam is currently jumping into without his clothes.

"Adam, I'm not-"

"Come on. There's no one for miles, I'm the only one that'll see."

"You're ridiculous." Javi shakes his head, pushing himself to his feet. He crosses the grassy area over to the dock, standing on the edge.

"Get in. Do a strip tease for me, babydoll."

"That would be the most awkward striptease you ever seen, I don't think so." Javi laughs, shaking his head. "What if Laura comes out here? Or the girls?"

"They won't. Come on." Adam swims back over to the edge of the dock. "Please? Its just me. You trust me, right?"

"More than you know, Unicorn."

"Then unless you really don't want to, or have some crazy phobia of water, you have nothing to worry about. I mean, I've already seen you naked."

"That was different though. And no, I'm not scared of water. I really enjoy water, actually. I'm use to oceans more than lakes, but still."

"We can make it the same." Adam teases, waggling his eyebrows.

"Oh my god, no. I'm not doing that in there with you." Javi laughs, "but fine, just no funny business mister." Shaking his head, Javi strips down and lowers himself into the water with Adam.

"That's more like it." Adam steals a kiss, raising an eyebrow at Javi. "Wait. You didn't agree just cause I wanted you to, right? I wasn't trying to pressure or anything."

"No. Well, I mean. You might have pushed me along, but no. I want to."

•••

Swimming turns into teasing and splashing, which somehow turns into making out, which leads them back to the dock where they continue, fingers wrapped around beach others hard cocks.

Adam crawls over Javi again after another quick dip to clean up. "How are you so perfect?"

"I'm not, at all. I'm still not sure what you see in me, how you can stand to look at me."

"Shut up." Adam presses a kiss to Javi's lips. "You're so fucking beautiful. Especially when you smile, and the whole world seems a little bit brighter. I mean, honestly, I don't have the words to even say it. And you're so brave, babydoll-"

"Brave?" Javi raises an eyebrow. "I let some asshole control me for years, and lived in-"

"Stop." Adam shakes his head, "it doesn't matter how long it took, but you found the strength to do something about it. You got away. That takes some courage."

"I had help though. I had you."

"And I'm right here, always." Stealing another kiss, Adam pulls back with a smile. "I'm gonna find a way to make you see yourself the way I do, just wait."

"You have an impossible task ahead of you then. Shouldn't we get back?"

"Nothings impossible." Adam nods, shifting off Javi. "Yeah, probably. We should head back toward the house and call for our ride. Did you at least have fun today?"

Javi nods, sitting up. "Yeah. I did. Especially the shopping, those girls really love you."

Adams eyes follow Javi as he gets up and starts pulling his clothes on. "Yeah, they're really great, aren't they?" Smiling, Adam pushes himself up, grabbing his own clothes.

"Do you want your own?" Javi asks, stepping over in front of Adam once they're dressed, arms around Adams neck.

"Kids?" Adam nods. "Yeah, eventually. Noah and me, we had that all planned out. But that's all been at the back of my mind since-" shaking his head, Adam steals a kiss. "How about you? Do you want kids?"

"Yeah? Would you have had them already?" Javi shrugs, raising an eyebrow at Adam. "You know what? I think so. I never really gave it much thought, not with Jason in the picture. That wouldn't have been a good environment for a kid."

"No. Probably not yet, the timing has to be right. When I can have time at home for a while. I don't want to miss too much, you know?" Adam nods as he listens to Javi. "Yeah, that makes sense. I guess that's a conversation for the future though."

"Yeah, right now we need to get back to the hotel."

•••


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No idea why these are two separate chapters, but that's how I had them saved lol.

"Adam. Adam, stop." Javi gives Adam a nudge back, trying to squirm away. Adams hand is on Javi's thigh, nudging his legs apart, and Javi's breath caught in his throat in the worst way.

"What?" Adam raises an eyebrow as he pulls back, dropping his hands from Javi's thighs. "That hasn't- why is that- shit. What did I do?"

"I don't know." Javi murmurs and it comes out quick, as if its all one word. He hasn't slept great since their day off a few days ago, and that must be affecting him. He shifts, leaning forward, head resting in his hands and he cant seem to catch his breath.

"Fuck, I'm sorry. C'mere." Adam tugs Javi's arm, trying to pull him closer, to pull Javi into a hug.

"No." Javi retreats from the touch, pulling further from Adam, "don't touch me." He snaps, pulling his knees to his chest.

"Javi, its just me, babydoll. It's just me, you're okay." Adam shifts, turning more toward Javi. Reaching for him, he stops himself, pulling his hand back with a sigh. "What's wrong? What happened? How do I help?"

"Shut. Up. Just go away."

"You don't mean-" Adam glances up as the door opens, bad timing. "What's up?"

"Soundcheck soon-" the crew guy senses something is up, glancing between the two men. "I'll let them know you might be late and to start without you."

Adam nods and the man leaves. Adam turns back to Javi, opens his mouth to speak but doesn't get the chance before Javi does. "Just go. They need you."

"They'll understand, its fine."

"Just go, Adam."

"Come on, just look at me, babydoll. If you just focus, you'll see its just me." Adam scoots closer again, reaching out to rest a hand on Javi's knee.

Flinching away from Adams touch, Javi shakes his head. "Don't touch me, just go. You don't need to deal with me."

"I do, I want to help. You're just tired, you don't really want me to go-"

"You can't help, you can't fix everything. Just stop, stop trying and go. Walk away, it'll be easier on us both if you just do it now."

Adam sighs, itching to reach for Javi again but that hasn't been working out for him today. "I know that. I know I can't fix it. But I can help if you just let-" Shaking his head, Adam pushes himself to his feet. "This is getting nowhere. Why are you so stubborn?" Crossing the room to the door. "Tell me about it later then. I'll just- I'll give you a minute alone."

"Being along is the last thing I want or need." Javi whispers, staring after the door Adam just walked out of. Because of course he did, of course Adam left. Did Javi really expect him to stay? Expect Adam to continue being as perfect as he had been?

Somehow, that's what he expected, stupid. Adam would be frustrated eventually and tired of dealing. It was a matter of time.

But Javi did tell him to go. He was just doing what was asked of him.

Why doesn't he know that's not what Javi wanted or needed though? He was suppose to know.

•••

"Adam-" Stopping, Javi opens his mouth to say something else, doesn't get a chance.

"Soundcheck, I know. I'll be out in ten." Adam doesn't glance up, can't bear to look at Javi right now.

"Well yeah, but I was gonna ask if you're okay."

"No, actually, but doesn't matter." Adam shrugs, tilting his head back as he rubs the bridge of his nose. "You don't have to pretend you care."

"But I-" Javi sighs. Fair enough. "Sorry. I'll be gone soon enough."

"What does that even mean?" Adam does glance at Javi that time, still wanting nothing more than to reach for him. But the last week, every time he tries, Javi shrugs him off, pushes him away. This is the longest they've been in the same room together.

"I'm turning in my notice, as soon as this tours over-"

"What?" Raising an eyebrow, Adam sits up more. "You don't- I'm not mad at you, you know? And if you just need space, I understand."

Javi takes in the sight of Adam then, the puffy, bloodshot eyes, the bags under his eyes and he sighs. "I know, but I don't deserve you, and its hard to stay away while being so close."

"I miss you."

"Adam-"

"Javi. I miss you and I need you. You deserve everything good, and you should come over here and tell me what's been going on. Unless you can really just walk away that easily." Adam shifts, fidgeting with his phone as he turns more toward Javi.

"You think walking away would be easy? Not when I'm in love with you, you idiot." Javi pushes the door shut, taking a step closer. "Better question is, what's up with you? Is it just lack of sleep and missing me or something else?"

"I asked first." Adam chews his lower lip, glancing up at Javi through his lashes. "You love me?"

"Thought that had been obvious for a while." Javi sighs, giving in to that pull toward Adam. So hard to stay away from him.

"Well. Maybe but it doesn't hurt to hear it." Adam extends his arms toward Javi, "now come here. Tell me what happened and why you this you don't deserve me. I wanna know what goes on in your head."

"You don't really. You don't want to know the things I relive on a daily basis." Javi collapses into Adams arms, curling against his chest. "Your talking about before? When I kinda freaked?" Adam nods. "I don't really know what happened. I've been trying to figure it out, if it was something you did or said. I think I was just tired."

"So why have you pulled back? You know I understand bad days, and I'm more than willing to help you through them if there's anything I can do."

"Because, I couldn't figure out a reason. I could tell you were frustrated with me when it happened, and that might've made it worse." Javi inhales Adams calming scent, chewing his lower lip. "And I know I told you to go away but when you actually did- it felt like you were just done, and like you just abandoned me. The last thing I really wanted was for you to leave me there."

"We're going to be frustrated at times, with each other, with many things. I wasn't frustrated with you them, more the fact that the things someone else did to you did that, and that I couldn't help." Adam presses a kiss to the top of Javi's head. "I'm sorry. I didn't know what else to do, and you have to say what you mean. If you want me to stay, say that."

"I know. I know that, that I have to say things I mean but I can't always figure out what it is I want or need in the moment when I'm like that."

"Are you done ignoring me? Are you still quitting?"

Shaking his head, Javi lifts his head, turning his gaze to Adams. "No. No quitting. I don't think anyone else would be so easy on me. And yes, I'm done ignoring for now. Now. You're turn. You gonna tell me what this is about?" He asks, reaching to wipe tears from Adams cheeks.

"Just for now?" Adam dodges Javi's question about him, raising an eyebrow. "Are you being honest about what the problem was? Or is?"

"I-" Javi sighs, chewing his lower lip as he shakes his head. "No. I wasn't-" tilting his head and meeting Adams gaze, he shifts away from him, sitting back. "It was- you kept-" he doesn't know how to tell Adam.

"Deep breaths, babydoll. Find what you want to say."

Javi nods, taking a moment to figure it out. "It was- well being tired really was part of it. But I was feeling like it was Jason all over again, that you just wanted to get into my pants once you got that little taste, and that what you were getting wouldn't be enough really quick." Pausing, Javi holds a hand up to stop Adam before he can say anything yet. "And, the dreams fucking suck anyway. But that night, it was like reliving all the worst shit he did to me, only it wasn't Jason. When I seen his face- it was you. And all I've been able to see since is you forcing yourself on me."

"Javi, you know I wouldn't- I could never do anything like he did. And if you don't want sex, you just have to say so. I'll back off if you need me to. I'll survive without until you're ready." Adam shifts, offering a hand to Javi. "Those are just dreams, babydoll. Its not me, its just that fear and anxiety from what you've been through."

"I know, I mean logically I know you wouldn't. But, at one time I didn't think Jason would either. So I'm still stuck with that what if. What if my judgement just sucks and I end up back in the same situation? I don't know if I can trust my own choices." Javi shrugs, accepting Adams hand and glancing down at them as their fingers entertains. "I need to work on that. But, are you gonna tell me your deal? You need to get out there."

"Working on its good. Telling me, or someone you can talk to, when you're doubting yourself can help." Adam nods, shifting. He chuckles, "yeah, yeah. I'll share now. Are we good though? Come here?"

Javi nods. "I- um. I think so. I still feel a little uneasy, the dreams- they're so real." Javi chews his lower lip, scooting closer, letting Adam tuck him under his arm. "And hey, I confessed my love and you never said anything."

"We'll take it slower. Whatever you need, I'll wait." Adam nods and he chuckles, he's stalling talking about himself. "I know. Trust me, I feel the same. The words get stuck on the way out though, my own fear and anxiety holding me back."

"Fair enough. Now before someone comes and drags you away, stop avoiding your issues."

"Not really an issue." Adam says, "just one of those days and was reminiscing." Shifting, he grabs his phone again to show Javi. Videos and pictures he still had of Noah. "Today's his birthday, so he was on my mind more than usual. It's- its not as hard as it used to be. I like remembering him like that, on his good days. Smiling."

Javi nods, listening while he scrolls through the photos and videos. "He looks happy. This was-"

"His last birthday, and he was. I made sure of it." Adam chuckles, pressing a kiss to Javi's temple. "I'm also fucking exhausted, and I was sure you hated me."

"I could never hate you. I'm just having a hard time figuring out my own issues." Javi tilts his head to meet Adams gaze. "Who Wants To Live Forever, you should dedicate it to him tonight. You should make sure he's still smiling on his special day, wherever he might be watching from."

"It helps if you talk to someone. I can still help with that." Adam nods, raising an eyebrow. "You're right, I should do that. On both accounts. You'll be cheering me on side stage again?"

"I'll think about it." Javi nods, sighing. "Of course. I wouldn't miss it, Unicorn. Number one fan right here."

•••

Javi sits in on most of soundcheck, but ducks out mid-way. Adam finds him outside the back of the venue, stepping up and encircling Javi's waist from behind.

Smart move, genius.

Javi gasps and struggles to free himself from the grip, and Adam drops his arms to let him free. "Shit, babydoll. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I didn't think. It's just me."

Javi nods, taking deep breaths to calm his heart rate. "Its fine. I'm okay." It takes a second, but Javi gets himself calmed and nods. "You can't sneak up behind me like that."

"I know, I didn't think. C'mere. Where'd you go?" Adam opens his arms to Javi, hugging Javi tight to his chest when Javi steps into them.

"Just right here, just needed some fresh air and felt like I was a distraction and getting in the way." Javi relaxes in Adams hold, inhaling Adams sweet aroma as his eyes close.

"Never in the way, Babydoll." Adam sighs, and he's quiet for a long moment before speaking again. "Looks like rain." He says, glancing up at the darkening clouds.

"Is that a bad thing? I kinda like the rain."

Adam chuckles, shaking his head. "No, its not bad. Just an observation. I learned to love the rain over the years, Noah loved it. Seems like a fitting day to run into it, too."

"I'm sorry I shut you out."

Adam raises an eyebrow, turning his gaze back to Javi. "You don't need to be sorry. You have things going on you're struggling with, I get it. I have things like that of my own. I guess we're both a little broken, and that's okay."

"Yeah, I guess we are. I'm just having a hard time figuring out how to handle it when things get bad. I think I really might need help with it." Javi cringes, no way does he want to explain anything about Jason to a stranger. But he might just have to suck it up and try.

"Say the word, baby. I'll make sure you have the best possible. But also? Its new. You're only just figuring out it was a bad situation, that you had options. You've only been away from him a couple months, its okay to not have it all sorted just yet. It'll come in time."

Javi nods. "I know. Well. I think I know." He sighs, chewing his lower lip. "We should decide on someone together I think. Since this sort of effects us both as a couple? I mean, if you're willing to-"

"You don't even have to finish that. I think it's a great idea and I'm more than willing if that's what you need, or it just makes you more comfortable with the idea." Adam nods, twirling his fingers in Javi's curls as he turns his gaze to Javi. "I really want to kiss you right now."

"There might be times its what we both need. Especially since I'm not that great at the communicating thing, never really had anyone that listened." Javi shrugs and raises an eyebrow. "Yeah? Well then you should do it."

"You don't have to worry about that now. I'm a good listener. Mostly." Adam chuckles and he nods. "Should I now? Well I don't do well with demands, and we should get back inside too."

"Oh shut up and kiss me."

"You're so bossy. I really hate being told what to do." Adam teases, raising an eyebrow before closing the distance between them as his hand came to tilt Javi's chin up. Locking their lips together, it's short and sweet but full of everything Adam can't yet say. Full of the love that he has for Javi.

Grinning when Adam pulls breaks away, eyes still closed. "You didn't hate it too bad, you still listened, Unicorn."

Chuckling, Adam nods. "Yeah, only cause its you." Placing another chaste kiss to Javi's lips, Adam steps back and Javi shivers at the loss of contact. "Come on, we really should get back inside. I still need to get in a warmup and do something with this face."

"Your face is perfect as it is."

•••

"Shit, where did it go?" Adam shakes his head, how do you misplace a crown? There's a team of people surrounding him to help with his last costume change right before the encore. "Whatever, I'll just-"

"You will not go with out it, you Queen." Javi laughs, Adam's changed and the team have cleared so Javi steps over. "I didn't think you'd be ready for a panic attack over this. I just wanted to see you."

Adam grins, "you stole my crown." He leans down as Javi places the crown on his head. The added height from his boots making it hard for Javi to reach otherwise.

"Actually? It was still in the dressing room. I thought you might need it." Javi fiddles with straightening the crown, smoothing Adams jacket. Leaning up on his tippy toes to steal a kiss, "and I wanted to tell you, you've been fantastic tonight. Well, every night. But even more so tonight."

"I fucking cried."

"I seen." Javi chuckles, "I might have cried with you. Everyone in the room felt that." Stepping back, Javi grins. "Now get back out there and blow 'em away."

"I'm going, bossy." Adam teases, taking his mic from a crew member as he starts toward the stage. "Stay with me tonight?"

"Yes, Adam. Now go," dragging out the word 'go', Javi chuckles, "you're gonna miss your cue."

•••


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Hope everyone has a good weekend and comments are always appreciated!

"I'm sorry." Javi murmurs against the kiss, arms encircling Adams shoulders. Back in Adams hotel room, Adam on top of him mid makeout.

"Why are you sorry?"

"Because," Javi says, fingers tangling in Adams hair. "I don't know. Cause I shut you out? Cause I was thinking about quitting and disappearing?"

"Stop apologizing. Doesn't matter now." Adam shifts, groaning. His hands losing circulation where he was holding himself up and tucked under Javi's shoulders. "Fuck, my hands are going numb. How long have we been here?"

"No idea. A while?" Javi shrugs, chasing after more kisses. "Pretty sure my mouth has beard burn and you bit my lip too hard earlier."

"Oops?" Adam plays innocent, shifting to get feeling back into his hands. His hips roll against Javi's with a sigh, nuzzling his face against Javi's neck. "Can't help myself around you. Do you have any idea what you do to me?"

"I do have an idea, I can feel it jabbing me in the thigh." Javi shares his bead, giving Adam a nudge. "But come on, Adam, not now."

"What? You don't want it?" Adam pouts playfully, his hand sliding over Javi's hips to the crotch of his sweats. "Cause this says-"

"Otherwise, I know." Javi finishes, grabbing Adams hand to stop him before he can get any further. "And that's not it. I do want to, just not now. I'm exhausted, I want sleep more."

"Are you sure that's all?" Adam shifts off Javi, snuggling behind him in a spooning position when Javi rolls over.

"Yes. Or. Well. Mostly. The dreams just suck, and I'll probably feel better with a good sleep." Javi chews his lower lip, letting out a sigh. "You're disappointed." Not even a question, but a statement, its in Adams voice. But that could be in Javi's head.

"No," Adam starts, sighing. "Okay, honestly? A little bit but its okay."

"I'm sorry. I know you want more, and I don't know when that'll happen." Reaching for Adams hand, Javi pulls it to his mouth, kissing the knuckles.

"Stop apologizing. You have no reason." Adam places a kiss to the back of Javi's shoulder. "You're right, I want more. So much more, I want it all with you, there's nothing better than that feeling of closeness and intimacy with someone you care about. But I want you to want it, too. I can wait."

"I do want it, but I'm scared of it. I'm scared of-"

"You're scared of me and your feelings right now."

"Yeah, that," Javi shifts, turning in Adams arms to face him. "Tell me something you want, something you want to do with me."

"I thought you wanted to sleep?"

"Kinda scared of sleep and the dreams right now too. And I can listen while I doze." Javi nods, pressing a kiss to Adams chin. "C'mon, just one thing."

"Stress and not getting enough sleep makes those dreams worse, speaking from experience. Also, you should wake me up, talk it out. You don't have deal all on your own." Adam places a kiss to Javi's forehead, nodding some. "Okay. Just one thing? Where to start? So many options, so much I want."

"Its my problem, not yours. You need your sleep." Javi murmurs and raises an eyebrow. "Anything at all. Just nothing crazy, don't freak me out before you even get to do anything."

"So nothing kinky? No handcuffs, blindfolds?"

"Ugh, no. Oh my God, no. That's not happening anytime soon." Javi shudders at the idea, his face scrunching up into a cringe.

"Kidding, babydoll." Adam chuckles, fingers twirling Javi's curls. "What about, if I wanted to spread you out and take my time tasting every inch of skin. Find all the places that make your breath catch and your hips jerk, tease until you can't take it anymore, and you're begging for more."

"Something tells me you don't give in to begging easily."

"Not at all." Adam smirks, fingers tracing over the shape of Javi's jaw. "No. I'd make you keep begging, keep teasing. But, the wait'll be so worth it when I finally take you into my mouth, and I bring you right to the edge before backing off. It'll be so good when you finally get to come."

"Fuck, I- that's not what I was expecting when I asked." Javi chuckles, nuzzling against Adams chest. "I'm so looking forward to the day that happens."

"It can happen anytime you want." Adam tightens his hold on Javi, a sigh falling from his lips.

"Do- uhm. Are you-" Javi laughs at himself, if he can't even ask how is he suppose to go through with anything? "Do you only top? Or-"

"That's not the question I was expecting. You thinking about trying to get into my pants now?" Adam teases, shaking his head. "But no, its not an exclusive thing. I prefer to top, but I can be flexible."

"I might be. Just keeping options open." Javi nods, slipping his hand under Adam's shirt to rest on his chest. "Ways around my hang up's I guess, though I'd be just as bad that way. I don't think I've ever even- or no, I did. Once. But I guess I wasn't any good, Jason hated it. So I guess its not a good option."

"Jason doesn't count. You don't know unless you try, and if or when you want to, I'm open." Adam slid his hand to rest under Javi's shirt on his back. Really, its Adams shirt. Javi always raiding Adams things. "Or, if you're really worried about it, too nervous, whatever, I can ride you like I do that bike on stage every night."

"Jesus Christ, are you trying to kill me? I've been jealous of that bike the whole tour." Javi murmurs, pressing close to Adam. "Don't know why you would want to though, or anything else. Why anyone would want me in that way at all."

" Javi, hey-"

"What? Its true. Jason couldn't even stomach me unless I was his only option for the night."

"No, its not. Stop. Look at me." Adam brings his hand to Javi's chin, shifting back. His fingers hook under Javi's chin, tilting his gaze to meet Adams. "Look at me, and listen." Javi nods, eyes blinking open to meet Adams. "God, I hate what he did to you, that he made you think of yourself that way. You're beautiful, babydoll. Do you know how many people would kill to have someone as gorgeous as you? You're beautiful, you're worthy, you're enough."

"I almost believe it when you say it."

"You should, I mean every word. You should tell yourself more often, too. Be nice to yourself." Adam sighs, placing a kiss to Javi's lips. "Let's try to sleep, yeah? Hopefully pleasant dreams tonight but I'm expecting you to wake me if you need to."

"Something to work on." Javi murmurs, nodding. "I make no promises but okay. Sing for me?"

Chuckling, Adam nods, snuggling close again, tangling their legs together as he sings soft for Javi.

•••

"Somehow, I doubt this is the wake up call I was dreaming about." Adam murmurs, voice filled with sleep and his hands going to Javi's hips. Javi who's straddling his hips, and squirming around in a way that's making it hard for Adam to resist bucking his hips up against Javi. "You seriously need to stop being so squirmy, or move, or maybe both."

"If you were dreaming about breakfast?" Javi plays innocent, but the glare he gets when Adams eyes jerk open after Javi twists his hips against Adams lap again makes him lift his hips, his knees supporting him over Adams lap. "Sorry, sorry."

"If you're what's for breakfast?" Raising an eyebrow, Adam chuckles, shaking his head. "Don't be." He murmurs again, his hand reaching for the tie holding Javi's robe closed. "What're you wearing under here?"

Javi squeaks, playfully smacking Adams hands away and grabbing the robe before it falls open. "Not for you to know, perv." Moving off Adam, shaking his head. "And no, I meant actual breakfast, with food, but if you're lucky maybe I can be an after breakfast snack."

"I can't tell if you're joking or not." Adam shifts, rolling toward Javi. Reaching over, he pulls Javi back onto the bed with him, pressing a kiss to his lips. "You showered without me, too? No fair. But my god, you smell fantastic." He murmurs, nuzzling Javi's neck and taking a deep breath, inhaling Javi's scent.

"Do you want me to be joking?" Javi raises an eyebrow, chuckling as he smooths Adams messy bed hair. "I did, and it was fucking great."

"I want you to be serious." Adam says, raising an eyebrow. "Oh was it now? Well I'm sorry I missed that. Did you sleep well? Why are you up already?"

"Then not joking, Unicorn. But let's eat first, I got room service, and the gallon of coffee you always drink." Javi teases, nudging Adam to sit up so they can eat. "Shut up you, so not what I meant. And I slept better than I have all week."

"Its not a gallon, you brat." Adam shifts to a sitting position while Javi grabs the tray with their breakfast. "Oh." Faking a pout, "you couldn't have just let me have that thought? And that's good. I slept like a baby and had the best dreams- then I woke up to you actually on top of me, just not exactly in the same way."

"I'll make up for that soon." Javi chuckles, shaking his head. He steals glances with Adam while they eat, stealing bites of each others food and tossing grapes at the other.

Javi's not sure when or how he ended up under Adam, lips red and kiss swollen. "I'm gonna go shower now." Adam murmurs, pulling away.

"Don't you want that snack?" Javi asks, tugging Adam back down, and cracking up when they bump foreheads. He was a little too aggressive pulling Adam back apparently. "Sorry."

"Eager today, hmm?" Adam teases, laughing as he steals another kiss. "I do want it, but I need to-"

"You'll need to shower again after, just wait and shower after."

"So will you." Adam raises an eyebrow, pulling back and rolling off Javi. He gets to his feet off the bed. "Perfect solution. We can do both at the same time. Come shower with me."

"You have the best ideas." Javi takes Adams offered hand, let's Adam help him up from the bed and to the bathroom.

•••

Slipping against Javi for the second time, Adams laughing as it results in pinning Javi's back against the wall. "Shit. Didn't realize it was so slippery in here, maybe this wasn't such a great idea."

”its not if you slow down." Javi murmurs, his eyes closing and swallowing hard as Adams hand rests on his throat. "You- Adam, you're gonna need to move your hand."

"Sorry, Jesus. I'm sorry." Adam presses closer, sliding his hand up, cupping Javi's cheek instead, thumb tracing over his lower lip. "Ever had sex in the shower before?"

"More than I can count- but-" shaking his head, Javi cringes. "You don't want me to finish that and ruin the mood. Let's just make better shower memories, yeah?"

"Yeah, if one of us doesn't slip and bust our ass before we manage that." Adam teases, his voice low as he leans in to crash their mouths together.

"Try to avoid that." Javi mumbles, his words muffled by the kiss. His fingers tangle in Adams wet hair, bringing a leg up, hooking it over Adams hip.

"Doing my best." Adam hooks a hand under Javi's thigh, helping him keep it in place. Shifting so their hips line up, "you're legs are so fucking long, baby. Can't wait to have them wrapped around me while I'm buried deep inside you."

"One day- if that monster cock even fits." Javi murmurs, jaw going slack and a surprised drawn out moan leaving his throat as Adam grinds his hips hard against Javi's, their dick's sliding together. "Oh, Jesus Christ."

"It'll fit, trust me." Adam smirks and his eyes are intense when Javi meets his gaze. Wanting, no, needing more of those sounds from Javi, Adam adjusts. Letting go of Javi's thigh, one hand braced against the wall as the other moves between them, fingers encircling his and Javi's cocks as he rolls his hips again. "You drive me crazy, you know that? So fucking beautiful and you don't even know it."

"Not sure if I do trust you on that one." Javi says, glancing down where Adams hand wrapping around them both, hips thrusting into his hand as he pumps their dicks. More of those whimpers and moans leaving his throat. "Adam- fuck, Adam-"

"Words, baby. Use your words." Adam murmurs, kissing over Javi's jaw, to that spot behind his ear.

"Can't." Javi whispers, hips bucking into Adams hand and okay, bad idea. He feels his back slip down the wall a bit, and moves his leg down from Adams hip to get his footing. "Slipping, Adam-" trailing off on a moan, Javi tilts his head, his arms encircling Adams shoulders.

Chuckling, Adam shifts, getting them a better position for keeping themselves upright. "This is turning out not to be as good of an idea as it sounded."

"Even better that it won't last long then." Javi murmurs, his hips jerking as Adam thumbs his slit, spreading their precome around. Reaching down, Javi joins in, helping jerk them but gives up fast. It ends up awkward and clumsy and Adams doing fine on his own.

"No? Close already?" Javi nods, unable to do much else between the moans and whimpers. "Yeah? Come on, baby. Come for me, let me see it, wanna hear you."

Javi's climax is building quick and steady, low in his belly. Closer with every word Adam speaks. "Oh, fuck-" His hands slide to Adam ass, squeezing as he tries to pull Adam closer. It hits him quick, and intense, hips jerking as the creamy substance spills and coats Adams hand and their dicks, making the slide easier. "Adam, fuck- oh god."

"Yeah, baby. Fuck- you're so gorgeous, Javi. So fucking sexy." Adam murmurs, releasing Javi's length from his grip when the stimulation is too much for Javi, a few more quick pumps to finish himself off before slumping against Javi. "Fuck."

Javi's stealing more kisses, clinging to Adam. He whimpers when Adam starts to move, pulling him back. "No. Stay- just a little longer. I don't know if my legs will hold me if you let go."

Adam nods, giving Javi a few minutes longer to catch his breath.

After rinsing off under the shower, they're back in the room. Towels around their waists and unable to keep their hands to themselves. "You know what sounds fantastic?"

Javi squeaks when Adam pushes him onto the bed and climbs over him, his hands tickling Javi's sides. "Doing-" He tries, squirming under Adam to try to stop the tickle assault, and the laughing. "Oh my god, stop."

"What? This?" Adam teases as he tickles Javi more, the most mischievous smirk possible on his face. "Are you telling me you're ticklish, Javier?"

"Yes, that. Can't- can't breathe. Stop." Javi pants between breaths and laughter, all while trying to fight Adam off him and squirm away. Getting the upper hand, he manages to roll them over, pinning Adam to the bed, out of breath, and towels somehow lost in the struggle. "Stop you brat."

"Make me." Adam says, staring up at Javi.

"I think I did." Javi pants, laughing still as he leans down to place a kiss to Adams lips. "Now, you were saying before that completely unfair attack?"

"What?" Adam raises an eyebrow and shakes his head, remembering. "Oh, yeah. That. What I was saying is, we have the whole day to ourselves. We should find something fun to do, dinner, maybe a movie or whatever else we find. Like a real date. But we should also nap before that because we still have time and I'm still exhausted."

"That does sound really great. All of it. Especially the nap and dinner parts." Javi chuckles, shifting as he loosens his hold on Adam. He lets his weight down on top of him as he relaxes against Adam.

"Do we need clothes before that nap? Cause I'm pretty comfy just like this."

Javi shakes his head, kissing Adams chest. "No. 'M okay, and staying like this sounds perfect."

•••

After an hour nap, an early dinner, and aimless wandering a town neither of them know anything about, they're back in the rental car.

"So your fans- they're a little- uhm. Out there?"

Adam chuckles, nodding. "They're nuts but they're sweet and they mean well." Resting a hand on Javi's knee as he drove, a quick glance at Javi. "Was that weird for you? Being stopped like that?"

Javi shrugs, his gaze on Adam. "Yeah, a little. I mean, I'm sort of getting use to it. They're all over my Instagram and hey stop me at shows if they see me. Working for and or dating you apparently comes with an automatic fanbase."

"Yeah, I maybe should have warned you. They're- We'll go with passionate." Adam shrugs, glancing over again. Chewing his lower lip, Adam pulls off the side of the road spotting an empty field.

"What're you doing?"

"Parking." Adam says as he turns the car off, answering Javi's questioning gaze. "We're gonna watch the sunset, maybe lay under the stars for a while. We're in no hurry,so slow down and enjoy the scenery, yeah? Then we can go back to the hotel, curl up in bed, and get even more caught up on some much needed sleep."

"Are we suppose to just stop here?"

Adam chuckles, shrugging. "Don't know, maybe not. But do you see anyone to tell us we can't? We're literally in the middle of nowhere." Some little town they passed through on their way out to dinner while exploring.

"I guess not." Javi shakes his head, taking Adams hand when Adam opens the passenger side door. "Pretty sure you've lost your mind though. You're crazy."

"Crazy about you." Adam smirks, pressing Javi against the side of the car, pressing a kiss to his lips. "Come on, unless you hate the idea? We can just go back?"

Javi grins, shaking his head. "No. No, that's not it. I think its a great idea." Leaning in for another kiss. "Tell me where we're going."

"Right here, babydoll." Adam takes Javi's hand, leading his a few steps to the back of the car. Hopping up to sit on the trunk, and motioning for Javi to follow. He fishes his phone from his pocket, using it to play music from.

"You really are crazy. We're gonna dent the car, or leave scratches-"

"If we do, I'll pay for it. Worth it." Adam shrugs, laying against the back windshield, Javi joining him.

Crossing his arms under his head, Javi glances over at Adam. The view of the sunset from their spot is perfect, and Adams singing along to whatever he has playing. Often just because, sometimes in silly voices. The goofy singing happens more as it makes Javi laugh, and Adam loves making him laugh.

"What're you doing?" Javi cringes at the sound of Adams camera app. "Did you take my picture? Don't, Adam. I'm so gross, I don't need evidence of it."

"You're beautiful. And a fucking natural in front of the camera." Adam snaps another and Javi brings his hands to cover his face. "Have you really looked at yourself? I mean, really looked without all the thoughts of a certain someone clouding your judgement?"

"What? How would you know that from a candid photo? I haven't posed in- so long." Javi chews his lower lip, "I don't need to look at myself." But he does, he hesitates, but he takes the offered phone, the picture up on the screen. His breath catches as he scans the image, for the first time seeing himself from Adams perspective. Not Jason's.

"Wait. Posed? Baby, you need to elaborate." Adam raises an eyebrow, scooting closer to Javi. "See? You're beautiful, babydoll. Fucking perfect in every way." Its the first picture Adam took, Javi's laughing, relaxed, happy. And the orange glow of the sunset lights his face perfectly.

"Huh?" Javi furrows his brows, the picture distracting him. It takes him a long moment to figure out what Adam is talking about. "Oh. That." Javi glances to Adam, "have I never mentioned that before? That's how I met Jason. We helped each other out with some photography projects. In the process I fell in love with being in front of the camera- and him, unfortunately."

"Oh, you mean you didn't have big dreams to one day be Adam Lambert's personal assistant?" Adam teases, "what happened? Why don't you pursue it?"

"No, that wasn't the dream. But I am glad it ended up that way." Javi shrugs, chewing his lower lip. "See, once upon a time, I was young and confident, and thought I could could do anything. Then life happened and I was made to believe I was shit at everything, and no one would want to see me in magazines, or anywhere. After awhile, the confidence and passion just sort of fades."

"I'm really glad it did, too. Though, also a little sad that it didn't turn out how you hoped." Adam nods, raising an eyebrow. "You're still young."

"Younger then."

Chuckling, Adam presses a kiss to Javi's lips. "But you know he's wrong? You would have people fighting over getting to work with you, you're so gorgeous. You should get back to it, both in front and behind the camera."

"It's a slow process but there's someone helping me see things differently." Javi grins, shaking his head. "Behind the camera I could probably do, in front, I'll have to think about it."

"I can pull some strings. Get you a few gigs- oh! The European leg of the tour is coming up after this ends, how do you feel about concert photography?"

"I might be a little rusty." Javi grins, nodding. "But so long as that's not a problem, I think it sounds like a fantastic place to start."

"We haven't had one this tour, so its already a step up." Adam nods, then he's back to singing along to music, real goofy and Javi cracks up again.

"What are you even doing? You nut."

"Making you laugh." Adam grins, "because I love your laugh," pausing for a kiss, "and I love your smile." Another kiss, "and I love putting it on your perfect face." And I love you, Adam tells himself, but still not out loud.

"How you even real? Such a rare creature, Unicorn." Javi grins, his hands cupping the sides of Adams face. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"For tonight, for everything. The night out, for helping me start to see things differently. For just being you." Javi nods, his gaze locked on Adam's. "It's been a long time since I've really been this happy, and free. No worries about doing or saying the wrong thing and someone getting upset- it's really great, even if I still probably have a long way to go."

"No need to thank me. I love doing anything I can to help, and I really love seeing you enjoy yourself." Adam places a kiss to Javi's lips, "but, sun has set, its getting late. We should go, get back and get some rest."

"Do we have to? Kinda don't want it to end."

Adam nods, smiling at Javi. "I know, me either. We should at least get back, we don't have to sleep." Hopping off the car, Adam offers a hand to help Javi down and lead him to the passenger side.

•••


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Running outta notes to leave, lol. But hope you all enjoy!

A week later and the tours over, for now anyway since they go back out in a few weeks for European dates. The pair had a busy few days looking for Javi an apartment of his own.

Now, after helping Javi move in and set up, they're on the couch after dinner. Adam mindlessly starring at the TV, and Javi crashed out, head resting in Adams lap, Pharaoh curled up on the other side. He hates to wake Javi, but the bed might be more comfortable for them both.

"Javi, hey, Babydoll." Adam runs his fingers through Javi's curls, and down his back. "Wake up, sleepyhead, let's go get in bed."

"Hmm?" Javi stretches and stirs, squinting as he blinks his eyes open and turns his gaze to Adam. "What'd you let me fall asleep for?"

Adam laughs, shifting in his seat. "Is sleeping not allowed?"

"Nuh uh." Javi shifts to sit up, throwing a leg over Adams waist as he nuzzles Adams neck. "Had other plans."

"Those plans can wait, I'm sure. You were tired, babydoll."

"No." Javi drags the word out, and it comes out as a whine which makes him chuckle. "I was tired, now I've had a nap."

"You still seem pretty tired to me."

"Well if you don't want to know my plan, then just say so." Javi pouts, sitting back and raising an eyebrow at Adam.

"That's not what I said. I would love to hear your plan." Adam says, his hand coming to cup the side of Javi's face.

"You didn't have to say it." Javi sighs, shifting again so he's straddling Adams lap, his hips rolling against Adams. "You've been avoiding anything sex related for over a week now, but I have a brand new bed to break in."

"I'm not avoiding, don't want to pressure." Adams hands are on Javi's hips. "You can just as easily initiate something. Is that what this is about?"

"Wasn't obvious enough? I think you might be impossible." Javi shakes his head, pressing a heated kiss to Adams lips.

"Oh I'm getting the picture, loud and clear, baby." Adam murmurs, pulling back from that kiss. "I'm just making sure we're on the same page, I want you to tell me what it is you want."

"Remember when you were telling me things you wanted to do to me?" Javi asks as he sits back on Adams lap, his hands sliding up, unbuttoning his own shirt.

"I do remember a little of that, you might have to refresh my memory as to what I said." Adams eyes scan Javi's body as Javi let's the shirt fall open. His hands sliding up Javi's thighs, hips, his stomach and chest, fingers brushing nipples.

"That you wanted to get your mouth on me- to spread me out in bed." Javi chews his lower lip, rolling his hips against Adams again.

"Oh that thing. About spreading you out and teasing until you're begging for my mouth on your dick? Yeah, I remember now." Adam smirks, his thumb and index finger pinching a nipple and giving a tug.

Javi's breath hitches and he nods, "yeah, that. I want that."

"You're sure?" Adam says, his gaze meeting Javi's. "Sure you're not too tired? Cause I plan on taking this slow and really savoring it- God, baby, you don't know how long I've been waiting for this."

"Its gonna be torture isn't it?"

"Well- yes and no. It'll be well worth the wait and torture when its over." Adam nods, bringing Javi's hand to his mouth. Taking Javi's finger into his mouth, sucking and swirling his tongue before pulling off with a loud 'pop.' Pushing Javi's shirt off his shoulders and letting it fall. He gives Javi a nudge, "let's move to bed then."

It takes Javi a full minute to collect himself after Adams demonstration on his finger, "I- uh- bed. Yeah." Nodding, Javi scoots off Adams lap to stand and offers his hands to help Adam to his feet.

"Did I break your brain already?"

"I think- uh- yeah- words are hard."

Adam chuckles, pressing against Javi's back as Javi leads the way to the bedroom. "This is gonna be fun." Grinning, he presses kisses all along the back of Javi's shoulders and neck. His hand sliding down to cup Javi's length through his pants.

"Oh my god, how are you such a tease?" Javi asks, turning in Adams arms when they reach the bedroom. The short walk down the hall took longer than it should have, Javi have to remember what he was doing every few steps.

"Lots of practice?" Adam jokes, lifting his arms when Javi reaches for his shirt. "I need you naked, like yesterday."

"The might have happened if you weren't being so scared of me." Javi points out, his fingers finding the button and zipper of Adams jeans, pushing them down along with his briefs. "You should tell me what we're doing about this after you're done with me." Fingers encircle Adams cock, giving a few slow, teasing pumps.

"Sorry, just don't want you to feel pressured, or like you have to. Have to tell me when I'm being too cautious. Or just drag me to bed. That would get the hint across." Adam moans, stepping out of his pants and briefs. "Anything you want, babydoll." His hands are on Javi's hips, pushing his sweats down, letting them fall. "Need you on the bed, make yourself comfy, beautiful."

Javi nods, stepping back toward the bed until his legs hit the back of it. Sitting, he scoots back toward the headboard until his head hits the pillows when he lays back. He chews his lower lip, his cheeks going hot and flush as he notes his position. Propped on his elbows, knees bent and feet against the mattress, legs spread. There's nothing left to Adams imagination. Javi's not sure how to feel about that so he pushes the thought from his mind. "Come on, or are you just gonna stare at me being super awkward?"

"Awkward?" Adam raises an eyebrow, climbing on the bed and crawling over Javi. "There's absolutely nothing awkward about you." He murmurs, lifting Javi's hand to his lips, kissing his palm, and his wrist, and up his arm. Paying extra attention to the sensitive skin on the inside of Javi's elbow.

Dropping Javi's arm, Adam moves to the other, giving the same attention. Javi shivers, anticipation of what's to come and the pleasure moving through his body from such simple actions. His back arches toward Adam. "You're so fucking gorgeous, Javi. I love all the little sighs and moans you make, finding new ways to pull them from you, how you arch against me- fuck, babydoll, its beautiful." Adam whispers against Javi's ear.

Kissing Javi's ear lobe, licking along the shell of his ear. Adam finds that sensitive spot behind Javi's ear, sucking, licking, nipping at the spot. Moans and whimpers leaving Javi's throat with each new sensation. "Keep it up and it won't take long to have me begging."

"Oh, I know. That's the plan though, because once you start begging, I'm still going to tease the hell out of you." Adam purrs, sucking Javi's lower lip into his mouth and giving a tug with his teeth before crashing their mouths together, swallowing down the next sounds Javi makes. Maybe they were suppose to be words? Adam can't be sure.

Adam breaks the kiss way too soon, its a tease all on its own. "Ad- please. Please, Adam, need-" Javi bucks his hips up against Adam, search for some friction, anything at all. But Adams kissing down Javi's neck, sucking at the hollow of his throat.

"Oh, you are making this so much more fun. I'm not even close to done with you yet." Smirking against Javi's skin, Adam kisses his way down the center of his chest. He's enjoying this way too much as he finds a nipple. Tracing circling around it with his tongue, teasing, nipping, tugging, licking until its a hard peak. Kissing across to give the same treatment to the other nipple.

"Oh, fuck-" Javi arches toward Adam again, his hips jerking. His hand slides between them, down to grip his own dick with a moan.

"Nuh uh. As much as I enjoy watching you touch yourself, I'm not done with you yet." Adam murmurs, pushing Javi's hand away.

"Then fucking touch me." Javi tangles his fingers in Adams hair, Adam back to kissing down Javi's body, nipping and sucking at skin.

"Bossy. Just have patience, babydoll." Adam purrs, dipping his tongue into Javi's bellybutton. He kisses along that light trail of hair leading him right where Javi so desperately wants him. "What do you want, Javi? Have to tell me."

"Your mouth- Adam- please." Javi murmurs, his hips buck up, still searching for friction. Anything.

Adams mouth waters, dying to get Javi into his mouth, to taste him. "You might want to be more specific. Pretty sure I've been using my mouth this whole time and I can keep that up all night if you want." Sliding his hands under Javi's hips, giving his ass a gentle squeeze, Adam presses kisses to Javi's inner thigh, nipping and licking. Lips brushing the sensitive area.

"You- fuck-" Trailing off on a moan, legs spreading more. "Please- Need your mouth, Adam- want you- your mouth on my dick." The last sentence comes out quick and sounds as if it could all be one word.

"Anything else?" Raising an eyebrow, Adam leans in, licking the underside of Javi's length, and kissing the tip. "Is that what you want?" Adam chuckles as Javi's head jerks up from the pillows to glare at Adam.

"Such a fucking tease." Javi chews his lower lip, his hips jerking toward Adams face. "You- you know exactly what I want." Licking his lips, Javi shifts to prop himself on his elbows again.

"So impatient." Adam smirks, his gaze locking on Javi's as he brings a hand to grip the base, taking the head of Javi's dick into his mouth.

"Yes- fuck, yes-" Javi's head drops back, jaw slack as he let's out a long moan. Adams tongue swirling around the tip of his cock, flicking against the frenulum, that sensitive spot just under the head. "Fucking heaven."

"You're so good, baby." Adam murmurs, pulling off to tongue the slit. "Fucking love your cock." Taking the tip back in his mouth, Adam sucks, a hand coming to cup Javi's balls while the other pumps Javi's shaft.

"Yes, Adam-" Javi trails off on a moan, lifting his head to lock his eyes on Adam again. "My balls- fuck, play with my balls, baby."

Rolling Javi's balls in his hand, he's gentle as his eyes meet Javi's. "Oh? You like that?" Adam murmurs, pulling off again to mouth at the underside of the length. "Just- like this? Or you want something else?"

"That- that's good." Javi whimpers, his hips bucking involuntarily toward Adams mouth and hand. "Or- your mouth. You could use your mouth."

"Gonna watch my lips wrap around your gorgeous dick? Gonna fuck my mouth?" Adam moans, taking Javi into his mouth again, further this time and bobbing his head. Still keeping the focus on the head.

"You have such a dirty mouth, and I'm gonna come just from that if you don't shut up." Javi breaths, moaning as he rolls his hips up a few times.

"Not yet you're not." Adam says, Javi still in his mouth. Not the most coherent words, but the way it makes his tongue move against Javi pulls more of those moans from him. Pulling back again, his eyes meeting Javi's as he rubs the tip against his lips, smearing precum over his mouth, "so fucking good, babydoll." He murmurs, licking his lips clean of the creamy substance before dipping his head, gentle as he mouths and licks at Javi's balls.

Javi's head drops back, his fists clenching in the sheets as he moans, long and low. "Fuck, Adam." He pants, breathless. Adams hand pumping his dick while Adam teases his balls. "Adam- fuck, Adam- wait."

Adam jerks his head back to turn his gaze to Javi's face, searching. "Wait? Did I do-"

"No, not that." Enough for Adam to get back to teasing, "will-" Javi's mouth falls open on a moan. Adams thumb pressing and rubbing that spot behind his balls, the sensation sending blinding pleasure through his body.

"Will I what? Don't know what you want, baby."

"You're making words hard," Javi pants, his back arching. "I- fuck. Can- will you-" Adams mouth back on his balls, Javi whimpers. "Holy shit, lemme finish-" the smirk on Adams face is so full of mischief, Javi can't take it. "Want your tongue- your tongue on my hole-"

"Oh fuck-" Adam murmurs, nodding. His own cock heavy and begging for attention, twitching at Javi's words. "Not what I was expecting you to ask for. Have you ever-"

"No. But I want it."

"Lift your hips." Adam instructs, grabbing a pillow from the head of the bed and sliding it under Javi's hips when he lifts them. "Knees to your chest, babydoll." Moaning at the sight when Javi does, "Jesus, you're killing me right now."

Adams hand still stroking Javi's length, long, slow, teasing strokes. "Oh fuck." Javi moans as Adams tongue flicks against tight ring of muscles. "Yeah- more. Adam, please." Javi's babbling, somewhat incoherent and lost to the new sensations.

Adams eyes close as he presses his face close, to give Javi what he wants. His tongue circles the muscles, probing at the entrance with the tip. Moaning against Javi, he curls his tongue, pressing past the muscles inside him. Pulling right back out to lick at the hole.

Squirming, hips pressing toward Adams face and tongue, into his hand, Javi's whimpering and breathless, any control he had long gone as the heat builds low in his belly. "Adam- Adam, I'm gonna come."

Pulling back, Adams free hand tugs Javi's balls, holding them to pull Javi back from the edge keeping them from drawing up. Javi's thighs visibly tense and muscles quivering from the impending pleasure. "How do you want to come, baby? In my mouth? While I'm fucking you with my tongue?"

Javi groans, frustration as he's so close but Adam holding his balls like that's preventing it, but its still there, so close he can taste it. "Your mouth- please, need to- please, Adam."

Adam nods, shifting, taking Javi back into his mouth and letting go of his balls at the same time. Its instant as Javi moans, long and drawn out and Adam swallows around him, Javi's entire body trembling with the pleasure and force as he comes and Adam bobs his head until its too much and Javi's trying to nudge him away.

"God, baby, so fucking hot." Adam murmurs, a hand stroking his own dick. It only takes a few strokes before he's moans Javi's name, breathless and panting. Javi's still coming down when Adam catches his breath, and he slips off the bed to the ensuite to clean up himself.

Coming back a long moment later with a warm wash cloth, he stares for several beats. Javi spread out, stretching his legs, his chest rising and falling with each breath, still faster than normal. Muscles twitching every so often with aftershocks of pleasure. Adam grins, taking the few steps to the bed.

"Hey. Okay?" Adam asks to make sure, also letting Javi know he was back as he gets in bed. Using the wash cloth, he cleans his mess from Javi's thigh, shifting Javi to move the pillow from under his hips. Javi pliant, and completely unhelpful with any of it.

"I-" Javi starts, but forming words is still hard so he just nods as an answer until he starts to come down more. "Yeah. 'M okay. Fantastic."

"Can I kiss you?"

"Thought we were past asking that?"

Adam chuckles, nodding. "We are, I think. But not what I meant." Some guys weren't into tasting themselves in someone's mouth, and Adam didn't want to overstep there. "But considering the places on your body my mouth has been."

"Didn't even cross my mind." Javi shrugs, turning his head toward Adam and puckering his lips, making kissy noises.

Adam laughs, scooting closer. "Goof." Adam teases and Javi's laughing as Adam closes the distance and presses their lips together. "Guess I don't need to ask if that was good?" He asks as he pulls back from the kiss, fingers carding through Javi's hair.

"Better than good." Javi murmurs, struggling to keep his eyes open. Sleep and exhaustion taking over.

"Should sleep now, beautiful." Adam places another kiss to his lips. "Clothes?"

Javi shakes his head in answer, rolling to his side to face Adam and snuggling in against his chest, hiding his yawn there. "Nuh uh. Just like this."

"Okay." Adam wraps his arms around Javi, placing a kiss to the top of his head. "Goodnight, babydoll."

"Goodnight, mi amor."

•••

Adam blinks his eyes open, still late, or early. He's not sire which, but its still dark enough he can barely make Pharaoh out in front of him, nudging him awake. "You really need to go now?" He asks the pup, rubbing his eyes. "Okay, okay, I'm getting up."

The pair spent the day together and crashed at Adams after not seeing each other for a few days. Adam busy with album release stuff, and Javi wanting a little space. When the pup jump over Adam and in between them, Adam furrows his brows.

"What are you doing? I thought-" Adam rolls over, reaching for both Javi and the pup, and finding the reason Pharaoh woke him. "Oh." Javi in a fetal position, back to Adam. His body trembling, trying to hold back sobs, but the sniffling gives him away. "Hey, Javi, you awake, babydoll?" Pharaoh moves to the foot of the bed when Adam scoots closer to Javi.

"No." Comes the meek reply, but Adam isn't having it.

"Lies." Adam rests a hand on Javi's side, so he doesn't startle him. "C'mere. Tell me what's wrong. Is it Jason? The dreams again?"

"I'm fine. Go back to sleep."

"Even if I believed that, Pharaoh doesn't. And if he's worried, I'm worried."

Javi lifts his head to glare at the pup at their feet. "I told you to leave him alone, I was fine." But Javi can't keep up the annoyed act, Pharaoh's too cute to be mad at.

"He thought otherwise." Adam shifts, pressing a kiss to the back of Javi's head. "You don't have to talk about it, but you can wake me. I don't mind. And you're clearly not okay before you say it again."

"Its just the dreams." Javi murmurs, turning to face Adam and bury his face against Adams chest. "I haven't slept great alone, and I think that therapy session just- I don't know. Stirred things up more?" The first one today, and yeah, it was a lot.

"That makes sense. You've been shoving it all down and not acknowledging it. So yeah, bringing it all up, it could make it all fresh again." Adam sighs, carding his fingers through Javi's curls. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"The first one-"

"First one? First one tonight? There was more than one?"

"Yeah." Javi nods, "it was just the usual. At least the usual as of lately. Its like living through something he's done all over again, and every time I assume its him. But then I see his face and-"

"It's me." Adam frowns, shaking his head. "Javi, I would never-"

"No, I know. You wouldn't. Those are- they're still jarring at first, but I'm able to shake it off a little easier. I just went back to sleep." Javi sighs, taking a deep breath. "It was the last one that got me. You were leaving- like, decided I wasn't good enough and you didn't need me anymore-"

"That's not happening either."

"But it could, and the idea hurt more than anything. You're everything to me, and the thought of losing you, of you getting bored and walking away, that's more terrifying than anything else."

"Javi-" Adams breath catches in his throat, this is his fault. Because he can't say how he feels, the words won't come out, its making Javi doubt him. He takes Javi's hand, placing it over his heart." This is all yours, baby. Its in your hands and its delicate, so handle it with care, yeah? But I'm not going anywhere. Ever."

"You can't promise that. You don't know what might change in the future."

"Okay. You're right, I don't. And I'm not making any promises like that." Adam shrugs. "But I can say that I have no intention of ever leaving, that whatever problem might arise, I will fight as hard as I can to fix. And if for some reason we hit a problem we can't fix? I'm still here. I'm still a friend you can call if you need me."

Javi nods, tilting his head to meet Adams gaze. "I hope so. Cause I really fucking need you right now. Being right here, in your arms, no matter where we are, it feels like home." He chews his lower lip. "And I'll be extra careful with your heart, that's a promise. I just can't promise I'll never hurt it, just know you have to tell me if I do, and that I don't mean to. Just please don't leave me, I don't think I could handle it."

"I'm not. Baby, I'm not leaving, and I don't ever plan on it." Placing a kiss to Javi's forehead, Adam shifts, rolling to his back. Javi snuggling against his side, head on Adams chest. Its quiet for a long while, Adam sure Javi dozed again when he sings, voice quiet.

"Wise men say only fools rush in,  
But I can't help falling in love with you  
Shall I stay,  
Would it be a sin  
If I can't help falling in love with you?

Like a river flows surely to the sea  
Darling so it goes  
Some things are meant to be.  
Take my hand, take my whole life, too  
For I can't help falling in love with you."

Turning his eyes to meet Adams again, Javi chews his lower lip as he grins. Its sweet, and Adams way of saying the things he can't. Javi melts at Adam singing when its just for him. No one else. Pressing their lips together in a short but passionate kiss. "You know I've told you this already, and I haven't said it since because I don't want you to feel pressured to say it back." Pausing, cupping Adams face in his hands. "But I think that was you saying it in your own way for now, and I want to make sure you haven't forgotten, and you know, I love you."

"It was saying it, without actually saying it, and I actually thought you crashed on me again." Adam chuckles, returning that kiss. "But I do know that, I don't mind hearing it though. And I'm working on saying it back." Pressing a kiss to the tip of Javi's nose. "Are you okay now? We've got a busy day ahead, we should try to squeeze a few more hours of sleep in."

"Yeah, I think I'm okay now. Thanks, Unicorn." Javi nods, pouting a bit. "I'm gonna miss you. Silly people keeping you busy with promo stuff and away from me all day."

"I'll miss you too, but I'll be back to you as soon as I finish up if you want. Aren't your mom and sister flying in tomorrow anyway? I'm sure you'll so happy to spend time with them, you won't get a chance to miss me."

"I don't know about that last part, but it has been a while since I've spent any real time with them, so I'm excited to see them." Javi smiles, pecking Adams lips again. "But you're right, we should try to get some sleep in, and I promise to wake you if there's anymore problems if you promise to sing to me some more. I love it when you sing for me."

Adam chuckles, nodding. "You're crazy, but I can promise that. I can sing anytime you want."

"Crazy about you, and your gorgeous lip freckles."

"Crazier than I thought then." Adam teases, turning on his side to face Javi, pulling the blankets up over their shoulders and he sings low and soft until they've both crashed hard.

•••

"Adam, are you okay? You seem distracted."

"Huh?" Adam glances up from his phone, eyebrows furrowed.

"You've been here twenty minutes and barely said two words."

"Oh. Shit, sorry. Just- handling something." Adam steals a quick peck, his attention back to his phone.

"Adam." Javi reaches over, pushing Adams hand and phone down to his lap. "What happened? What are you handling?"

"I-" Adam sighs, turning his head back toward Javi. "Just-" rubbing the bridge of his nose, Adam leans against the back rest. "I just- I might have said too much."

"About?"

"About you. I mean, I don't think I gave anything too personal away, or anything like that." Chewing his lower lip, "but shit just came out."

"Why was I even a topic?"

"Jason."

"Jason?"

"Yeah. You know he's still running his mouth?" Adam shifts, arm draping over Javi's shoulders. "Remember when we seen him in that club in New York?" Javi nods. "I guess he's telling people we were snorting coke off each other or some shit. Calling me a home wrecker, accusing me of being a bad influence and getting you hooked on drugs."

"What the fuck?"

"Yeah, exactly. I'm not sure how I knew nothing about it until now, but it just gets thrown at me in an interview and throws me off. What do I say? What do I do? Deny it? Tell the real story? Refuse to comment? The last option gets thrown out right away, it looks worse when you say nothing." Adam sighs, fingers playing with Javi's curls.

"What did you say? Did you give anything away? Adam, my family doesn't know about Jason, at least not the things he did-"

"Stop. Nothing like that. Nothing that would make it obvious. I just told them it was nothing like that, and that no one knew the whole situation and that I had just helped you get away from a not so happy place." Adam shakes his head. "I just, might have gotten a little pissy with them about it. And I might have sorta confirmed we're actually dating in the process too."

"That's not so bad?"

"Well no, I didn't think so. If you're okay with it, I don't care who knows. But I've already got fans accusing me of forgetting about Noah, and betraying him." Adam shrugs.

"Do you feel like that's what this is?"

Shaking his head, Adam leans into Javi. "No. Not at all, I'll never forger him, but he's gone and I have to live my life now without him. And I definitely don't want to do that alone."

"Why not just let everyone know that? Most should understand, and the ones that don't shouldn't matter. Its no ones business how you grieve or when, or how you move on." Javi shifts, placing a kiss to Adams lips.

"What to say though? How to explain? I wouldn't know where to start or-"

"You're over thinking it. Just make it from here," Javi places a hand over Adams heart. "Your fans love you for being honest and staying true to yourself. Just do that, and share as much or as little as you want."

"You're probably right."

"I am, but you know what?" Adam raises an eyebrow in question. "I think Pharaoh could use a walk, and it could help you think it over and clear your head. Runyon?"

"Yeah, let's go, babydoll. We gotta stop by the store too, you have no food in this place."

•••

"How was your day, anyway? Did you enjoy your time with your family?" Adam asks as they reach the top, waiting for Pharaoh to catch up to them.

"I only seen them a couple hours, but I did enjoy it. They want to meet you." Javi tucks himself under Adams arm, leaning against him.

"Invite them over. We'll make dinner for them." Adam says, arms encircling Javi's waist.

"We? Will we? You do remember me trying to cook for you the other night right?"

Adam laughs, nodding. "I do and it wasn't good. Okay, I take that back. I'll cook for us." Adam kisses the top of Javi's head, "call and see if they're up for it. Tomorrow if not tonight."'

" I will in the car."

Adam nods, pulling his phone from his pocket to snap a selfie of the two of them. "In the meantime, I have a post to make. Can I post that?"

Javi nods, "yeah." Smiling, he's quiet while Adam makes his post.

"I wasn't looking, and definitely didn't plan on it happening, but @javicostapolo has stole my heart. Noah is still never far from my mind, but he'd want me to be happy. And I'm the happiest I've been in sometime."

Adam doesn't post yet, letting Javi glance over it and given his approval. "It's perfect." When he hands Adams phone back, the picture Adam took of him while they watched the sunset added along with the selfie, and already hit post for him.

Grinning, and stealing a kiss, Adam nods. "Now that's done, let's get back to the car, you call your mom, and we'll go get food."

•••


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy! 
> 
> Any translations come from google, I'm not responsible ifbtheyre wrong 😂 
> 
> How is everyone enjoying Adams new music?

"Tell me about your mom and sister, babydoll. Are they going to like me?"

Back at home and dinner started, Javi's family too eager to meet him to wait. "You're nervous, aren't you?"

"A little bit. I want them to like me. But, you've never talked about your family much, I'm just curious."

Javi grins, nodding some. He steals a kiss before turning to grab plates and set the table. "Well, Erica's the baby, we have an older brother too. He and my dad couldn't come this time."

"The baby, and the only girl. So she got her way all the time right?"

Javi laughs, nodding. "Yeah, most of the time. I wasn't around a lot for her growing up, not like I should have been. Too caught up with Jason, you know?" Javi sighs, shrugging. "But we always seem to stay close, no matter how much time we've spent apart. The whole family does."

"So you guys are close?"

"Yeah, nothing more important than family, right?" Javi nods. "And my mom, she's always been more like my best friend, and she's always supported me in everything I did. I can talk to her about anything- well- at least until-" the knock at the door saves him. But adam knows what he's getting at.

"Sounds a lot like my mom." Adam says, "I'll get that, don't let the food burn."

"I'm better off getting the door, I can't make promises with the food."

Laughing on his way from the kitchen, Adam shakes his head. "You can handle it, beautiful." Adam lifts pharaoh into his arms so the pup doesn't jump on their guests or try to escape. Opening the door, "hi! Javi was just telling me about you."

"Good things I hope." Both women greet Adam with hugs, "you must be Adam. Javier's had plenty to say about you, too."

"Excellent things." Adam grins, shutting the door again when the two were inside. "Oh? Well I hope its all been good."

"Adam!" Javi calls from the kitchen, "don't leave me in here too long."

Chuckling, Adam shakes his head. "Oh, right. He's scared of the kitchen." He teases, bending to set Pharaoh down. "Let me get back to that, make yourselves comfortable."

Adam disappears back into the kitchen, arms encircling Javi from behind. Stealing a kiss when Javi leans back. "This is almost done, so why don't you go enjoy your girls and make sure Pharaoh isn't too much of a pest while I finish this up?"

"Pharaoh could never be a pest. He's too cute." Javi grins, chasing after that kiss. "I'll do that though. Any longer in here and we'll be ordering take out."

"Your not that bad."

"I might be, you don't know. But I'm also distracting you, so."

"Oh." Adam laughs, nodding. "That parts true."

•••

"Next time, we're just going out for dinner. This is too much work."

Adam laughs, shaking his head. "And that's why you're no good in the kitchen, babydoll." They're washing up dishes after the meal. Adam singing along to whatever songs in his head. Which changes a lot. "You can go sit down and I'll finish this. Relax and enjoy yourself, its good for you."

Javi shakes his head, "I want to help. And it'll get done faster."

Helping turns into splashing Adam with the water though, and Adam squeaks. "Oh my god, what are you doing?"

"Enjoying myself." Javi grins, mischievous, spraying Adam with the sprayer this time.

Dishes take way longer than they should, and both boys are wet and in fits of giggles by the end. Its when Adam has Javi pinned against the fridge, mid-makeout that Javi's mother decides to see was taking so long.

"Oh. Sorry, sorry."

Adam jerks back, glancing over. He's laughing again, shaking his head. "Don't be." But Javi's beet red and trying to hide, which makes Adam laugh more. "Did you need something?"

"Oh, no. Was just seeing if you boys need help? It was taking so long."

"That's cause your son here decided it would be fun to get me wet and make more of a mess." Adam teases, stepping back from Javi after stealing another glance with him. "We're done here. We just need dry clothes now."

Javi glares as his mother goes back to the living room. "Oh my god, you are horrible."

"It was just kissing, and she didn't seem bothered. I've shared way worse with my mom." Adam shrugs, reaching for Javi's hand. "Let's go get changed."

"Like she's seen worse or you told her about it?" Javi raises an eyebrow, following Adam to the bedroom.

"Well probably both, honestly. But I tell her everything, and I mean literally everything. I'm an over sharer." Adam laughs, and he's stealing glances at Javi as they undress. "So, Spanish, huh?"

"Why am I surprised?" Javi shakes his head, "changing the topic. But yeah, Spanish. Well. What you heard was Catalan, very similar. But I do speak Spanish, too."

"I wasn't, was curious. You've never mentioned it before." Adam raises an eyebrow. "Catalan? Don't think I've heard that one."

"Its never come up." Javi shrugs, reaching to cup Adams cheeks when he has dry pants on. "I was born in Mallorca, Spain. Its a pretty small island, so its not really a widespread language. Most speak Spanish, too."

"Why didn't I know that?" Adam pouts, placing a kiss to the tip of Javi's nose. "And you should have brought it up, you could have been using that shit against me."

"You haven't asked, and you know now." Javi grins, tapping Adams nose and laughing. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, its fucking sexy and you should be talking dirty to me in your native tongue." Adam steps back, both men grabbing shirts, Javi stealing one of Adams t-shirts as usual. "And I mean, I wouldn't understand a word of it so you could just read your grocery list and it'd be fine."

"I'll keep that in mind for later. I think we've kept them waiting long enough though."

•••

Javi sits on the floor leaning against the couch between Adams legs. Adams hand on Javi's shoulder while he sips his wine. Sparkling juice for Javi.

"So Adam, tell us about yourself. How old are you? Where are you from? How did you and Javi meet?-"

"Mom, slow down. Give him a chance to answer." Javi says, hand on Adams thigh.

"Its fine, babydoll." Adam chuckles, stealing a glance from Javi. "I'm thirty-seven." Javi glances to his mother, she's close to choking on her wine as she sips, caught off guard.

"Well Javi did always like the older boys." Erica says, and Javi tosses a throw pillow her way.

"Shut it, you."

"You two." Their mother shakes her head. Her attention back to Adam. "You know Javi's age right? I mean, your business if you two are happy, so long as you don't hurt my son."

"I do. The difference doesn't bother us. And I don't plan on hurting him, you don't have to worry about that." Adam smiles, a content sigh. "What else? Where I'm from? Technically, I was born in Indianapolis, but I was just a baby when we relocated to San Diego where I grew up. And I've lived in LA since I was eighteen or so."

Adams fingers massage the back of Javi's scalp, carding through his curls. "You gonna answer how we met?" Javi asks, chewing his lower lip.

"Yeah, I can answer that one, too." Adam says, shifting. "Does anyone need refills first though?" He asks, eyes back to Javi. "Are you comfy? You don't have to sit on the floor. Do you want wine? More juice?"

"No, no wine." Javi says, leaning his head back in Adams lap, gaze meeting Adams. "I'd like something else but-"

"Something else?" Adam raises an eyebrow, "what's that?" Javi motions with his fingers to his lips, mimicking smoking and Adam nods. "I can help with that."

"Later. Stop stalling."

Adam laughs, shaking his head. "I'm not stalling." The girls have assured them their fine and don't need anything so Adam nods. "So. How we met-" he starts, his attention back on the girls. "Has Javi mentioned Noah?" Shaking their head in a no, Adam continues. "I- he was my fiance. I lost him though, suicide."

Glancing to Javi, Javi squeezes his hand and offers a smile. "I still have a hard time with it sometimes, and Javi found me on one of those nights. I don't always cope in the healthiest of ways, and that night was spent moping in the back of a bar with too much to drink."

"And with Jason out of town at the time and I was bored at home. He looked miserable sitting in a dark corner alone. I had to say something to him and see if he needed company." Javi adds.

"That was the last thing I wanted. I wanted to wallow in my sorrows alone and drink myself stupid til I forgot." Adam cringes, how bad off he was that night. "But I'm glad he came over anyway. He made sure I got home safe, or just took me to his because I refused to go home. I didn't think I'd see him again after I left the next morning."

Javi laughs, nodding. "Until I showed up on the doorstep of your studio as your new assistant. I don't think you were having a great day then either."

"I wasn't, and you were late." Adam points out.

"You just took some drunk stranger home with you?" Erica raises an eyebrow. "Did you guys-"

"No! Oh my god," Javi hides his face in his hands.

"He was still with Jason, and on top of the fact that I wasn't in a state of mind to even be thinking about that, I'm not into being the other man." Adam shrugs. " I crashed on the couch. His way too tiny couch."

"You tried to ignore me so much at first." Javi teases, shifting, moving from the floor to Adams lap.

"I did ignore you a lot. I didn't want to admit I liked having you around." Adam shifts, hand on Javi's lower back.

"You two stop being so cute." Erica tells them, faking disgust.

Its quiet for a while after they all laugh. Quiet until Adam starts singing, Adam's singing all the time. Javi is mesmerized every time, too. After setting down his empty glass, Adams hand is on Javi's inner thigh.

"Are you trying to get in my pants?"

Adam quiets, mid word as he's singing, eyebrow raised. "Babydoll, I've been in your pants enough to know how to get there. If I was trying, you wouldn't need to question it."

Javi turns bright red, "oh my god, you Queen. Do you have to say things like that with my mom here?"

"You brought it up, and you know I have no filter." Adam points out. "You also knew I was a Queen, you've even handled the crown jewels."

"Shut up, you're making it worse!"

"Get your head out the the gutter, I was talking about the crown. The literal jeweled crown." Adams laughing, pulling Javi in closer against his chest.

"Oh please, Javier, like you think I don't know you've had sex? I've known what you were doing since you were a kid sneaking around with that boy." Javi's mother chimes in, and Adam quiets again.

"Worst mistake I ever made, wish you would have put a stop to that one." Javi mutters under his breath, gaze turned down to his lap.

"Huh?" His mother didn't catch what he said.

"Nothing." Javi says, shaking his head.

"Jason's a sore spot is all, we should just change the topic." Adam nods, rubbing his hand over Javi's back.

Javi shakes his head as he sits up again, covering his mouth as he yawns. "Actually I'm just tired. I think- I'm going to bed." Javi gets to his feet, bending over Adam and whispering in his ear, something in Spanish. Adam furrows his eyebrows when Javi pulls back from the quick peck. And after a quick goodnight to his mom and sister, he disappears to the bedroom.

"Is he okay?" His mother asks, and Adams attention snaps back to the two women.

"I- yeah. I think so." Adam rubs the bridge of his nose. "I hate to rush y'all out and all, but I should make sure."

"Don't worry about it. Go take care of him." Both women stand, along with Adam and say their goodbyes with hugs.

"It was good meeting you, maybe we can get together again before you leave." Adam walks them to the door, making sure they have a way back to their hotel, and once they're gone, he locks up, putting glasses away.

•••

"Adam." Javi draws the name out and Adam raises an eyebrow as he turns toward the voice. "Why are you taking so long?"

"I thought you went to bed?"

"I did-"

"Are you okay? You kinda jumped and ran at the subject of Jason."

"I'm fine. Just didn't want to talk about him, or say something I regretted because I don't wanna explain what an asshole he was."

Adam nods, taking a few steps closer to Javi, grunting when Javi jumps on him, legs encircling Adams waist, arms around his neck. "What-" Javi's lips on Adams cut him off. Adam pulls back. "What did you say to me before you left?"

Javi chuckles, leaning in, nipping Adams earlobe. "I said," whispering against Adams ear. "Deshazte de ellos y ven a la cama. Get rid of them and come to bed."

"So you're the one trying to get into my pants?"

"Is it working?"

"Do you need to ask?" Adam asks, hands sliding from Javi's hips to his ass. "Wearing my clothes, which you already know does things to me, the spanish- just tell me what you want and where."

"Entonces llévame a la cama y llévame alto." Javi murmurs, licking the shell of Adams ear, "take me to bed and get me high, before you ask."

Chuckling, Adam nods. "Glad you clarified that. I might have to learn some Spanish now." Turning his head so their lips connect, Adam let's the kiss linger, nipping Javi's lower lip as he lowers Javi's feet back to the floor. "I'll be right there, go make yourself comfy."

Javi pauses a beat, a loving gaze at that Adam matches. How did he get so lucky? "Such a unicorn. Don't take too long, mi armor."

"Why am I a unicorn this time?" Adam raises an eyebrow, "I do actually know that one." Grinning, Adam reaches to brush his fingers over Javi's cheek. He's plotting now, ways to let Javi know how he feels. "Now go, I'll be quick, promise."

"You're always a unicorn, and I was just thinking how lucky I am to have such a unicorn." Javi smiles, turning to head back to the bedroom. Adam staring after him with that adoration and love still shining in his eyes. Turning to finish cleaning up their glasses, working quick as possible so he can get to Javi.

•••

Adam sighs, trembling with nerves. He shouldn't be doing this right now, shouldn't be in Javi's apartment while he's not there. Its probably intrusive. But its needed without Javi knowing, Adam needs to get everything out, make Javi see what he means to Adam.

Setting his shopping bags down, Adam considers for a moment doing up the whole apartment but decides against it. He's sure he's already being over the top with the bedroom. He changes the sheets, making up the bed. Needed anyway after their tryst the night before, but he bought new ones. Black with hints of red, and so soft.

With the bed made, Adam litters it with rose petals. And arranges the dozen roses at the head of the bed, in center of the pillows. "Adam, you're such a cheese, this is all way too much." He tells himself, shaking his head.

His hands tremble even more as he reaches for the note he wrote. Stupid, Adam, you should be saying these things to his face, not in a letter. Taking a deep breath, calming himself, he lays the note on top of the roses. Written on the outside is, "you are beautiful, you are worthy, you are loved."

Pushing his hair out of his face, he sighs, one last look around. Everything has to be perfect. Cleaning up after himself, he collects his things and heads out.

"Javi,   
These roses can't even compete with you. I'm not even there to see it but I know you're still the most beautiful thing in the room. I wish I was there for this moment, but I'll be there soon.  
I just want you to know you mean the world to me, you have since I laid eyes on you across the table from me. I don't know how to say just how much you mean, I don't think there are words that match what I feel for you.   
So I hope a simple 'I love you' is enough. Because that's all I've got. I love you, babydoll, and I'm in this for the long haul.  
\- your Unicorn."

•••

It's late in the evening when Adams finished with his work and heads back to Javi's. "Wha- are you okay?" Adam pushes Javi back at the shoulders when he swings the door open and jumps on Adam.

Chuckling, tears in his eyes, Javi nods. "Yes, you sap. I'm perfect." He presses back against Adam, hopping up to wrap his legs around Adams waist, arms encircling Adams shoulders.

"Then why are you-" Javi's lips connect with Adams before he finishes his question. And Adam hooks his hands under Javi's thighs to support him as he steps inside the apartment. Kicking the door shut, he's giving back to the kiss, both battling for control of it.

"I love you." Breathless when they break the kiss, Javi rests his forehead against Adams.

"Happy tears then? You found my surprise?"

"Yes. To both questions. I found it, and I loved it, but it was overwhelming and unexpected, and just- shut up and kiss me again." Javi murmurs, carding his fingers through Adams hair.

"I wasn't even talking." Adam chuckles, turning them to press Javi's back to the door, pinning him there as he crashes their lips together again. "I love you." He murmurs against the kiss over and over.

"Show me how much." Javi pants, pulling back, tugging Adams shirt up over his head. "Llévame a la cama, hazme el amor."

"Whatever you just said, you're gonna need to translate. Its sexy as fuck, but I don't understand a thing."

Javi chuckles, nodding as he presses their lips together again. "I said, take me to bed, make love to me." He whispers, hands cupping Adams cheeks.

Leaning his forehead against Javi's, his gaze locked with Javi's. "Are you sure?"

"I'm positive that I want to," Javi nods. "But I can't say for certain how my body will react once we're there. But if-"

"If you need to stop-"

"I'll tell you." Javi's thumb caresses Adams cheek, "but please. I want to. I want to try, I want that connection, I want you to show me what you can't say with words."

"Okay. Fuck, okay. Like I could say no to that." Adam murmurs, their lips connecting again as he carries Javi to the bedroom, careful as he lays Javi on the bed, moving over him while breaking contact as little as possible.

"Lube and condoms in the nightstand drawer." Javi murmurs, scooting back toward the pillows as Adam follows.

"You planned this?"

"No." Javi shakes his head, hand sliding up Adams bare chest. "I just- I bought them in case the mood were to strike. Better to be prepared?"

"Fair enough."

•••

"Wait, Adam- wait." Javi is pushing back as soon as Adam is pressing at his entrance, a sharp intake of breath as his whole body tenses. "I- I need to turn over- need to see you, have to see your face, baby, know its you." Rambling, Javi takes deep breaths between, trying to relax again.

Adam wasn't thinking about what associations Javi might have had with the position when he had him turn on his belly. He wanted to make it easier for him to relax was all. "Sorry. Yeah, turn over, babydoll." Moving off him so Javi has space. "Are you okay? Do we need to stop?"

"I hope not. I think I'm okay." Adams over him again as soon as Javi turns over. Adams slow and gentle the whole night. Taking his time, showing Javi he cares, trying to make it good for Javi.

"Wrap you legs around me." Adam murmurs, pressing his lips to Javi's as Javi brings his legs around Adams waist, and Adam waits, waits until Javi relaxes again while kissing him, tongues dancing together.

"Please, Adam. Want you."

Adam nods, kissing over Javi's jaw as he shifts, reaching between them. He grips his length, holding it steady as he starts to push in. Javi tenses again, its instant as Adam presses the tip past the tight muscles.

The groan the leaves Javi's throat is pain rather than pleasure and when Adam pulls his head back to meet his gaze, Javi's eyes scrunched closed tight. "This- we should stop. You can't-"

"No. Just gimme a minute, I'm trying to relax." Javi pants, his fingers gripping tight on Adams hips. Adam nods, doesn't pull out, but doesn't push any further.

"It shouldn't hurt, babydoll, and if I force it you're gonna be sore."

Javi nods, he knows that but he can't convince his body to relax, and as much as he wants to keep going, he keeps having flashes of Jason. He shouldn't be in his head right no. Nothing about Adam has come close to Jason, but yet there he is. "I know, but I can't-" his hands come to cover his face as he takes a shaky breath, tears escaping the corner of his eyes. "I can't- I need to stop. I'm sorry."

"You don't need to apologize." Adam shifts, hips pulling back and he rolls off Javi. Moving to get up, get something to clean them up.

"No, don't leave. Please, don't leave, I'm sorry-" Javi has Adams arm, tugging him back.

"Hey, I'm not leaving." Adam presses a kiss to Javi's forehead. "I love you. I'm not going anywhere but to grab a washcloth, there's lube everywhere." Javi nods, loosening his grip. Getting tonhid feet, Adam cleans up in the bathroom.

Javi's on his side, back facing Adam when he comes back. "Hey, can I-"

Javi nods as Adam gets back in bed, "yeah." Adam presses a kiss to the back of Javi's shoulder, using the warm cloth to wipe the excess lube from Javi. "'M sorry."

"Javi, look at me, babydoll." Adam asks, tossing the wash cloth aside. Javi rolls over, blinking his eyes open to meet Adams gaze, bringing a hand to wipe his nose as he sniffles. Placing a kiss to the tip of his nose, Adam cards his fingers through Javi's hair. "You have nothing to be sorry for-"

"I do, I couldn't- I can't- I didn't want to disappoint you."

"I'm not disappointed." Adam frowns, that's the last thing Javi should be worrying about. "I'm actually more pissed that someone ruined this experience for you so badly, but nows not the time for that." Shaking his head, Adam rests his forehead against Javi's. "But I'm not disappointed, and you shouldn't keep apologizing. Sometimes even in the best circumstances, sex just doesn't go to plan."

"Maybe I'm disappointed I myself then."

"What? Why?"

"I-" Javi shrugs. "I let Jason- my experiences with him get in my head and ruin everything. I shouldn't have been thinking about him- but I was. It was stupid."

"For one, go easier on yourself. That isn't your fault, its his. Its the things he's do to you. That experience will always be there. It'll probably show up at times you least expect it on more than one occasion." Adam traces his fingers down along Javi's spine, his voice soft, soothing. "Second, did I do something to cause that? To send you to that place?"

"No!" Javi answers quick, shaking his head. "No, you were perfect. Gentle, caring, loving. I couldn't have imagined you being any better. Don't ever think it was your fault. I wanted it, I still want it." Taking a deep breath, hand cupping Adams cheek. "I think it was just- trying from behind. I couldn't see you, it was easier to let my thoughts get away from me, my head to take me back there. And once it was there-"

"It stuck there." Adam nods. "I'm sorry, I didn't think about the position doing that to you. I just thought it'd be easier to relax. You should have told me."

"I didn't think about it either, it was going so well til then, I didn't think anything would get to me." Chewing his lower lip, Javi's eyes meet Adams. "Try again?"

Adam nods, stealing a kiss. "Of course. But not tonight." He says, kissing Javi's forehead. "We have that appointment with your therapist tomorrow, why don't we bring it up there? She might be able to help sort it, give us some ideas. And we'll try again when you're ready."

"I want to, I'm ready." Javi is close to a whine, trying to convince Adam, pressing closer. "I- that's so awkward to talk about, Adam."

"That's what she's there to help with, she's probably heard worse." Adam raises an eyebrow, "you might want to. But wanting to and being ready are two different things. Another time."

"Okay. We'll bring it up. And maybe you caught me." Javi says with a pout.

"I love you, and I'll wait as long as you need. There's no reason to rush. I'm not him, I won't disappear and get it elsewhere. We'll figure it out." Adam pulls the blankets over them, arms pulling Javi tight against his chest. "Let's get some sleep for now."

Wiping the tears from his eyes, Javi nods with a grin. "You know, I knew already how you felt, but its so good to her you say it. Makes this feel more real. And even though we didn't get to go all the way, you still showed me how much. In how you took care of me, how you listened to what I needed, how you stopped when it was too much." Javi nuzzles against Adams chest, placing light kisses there. "I love you, too. I love you even more after tonight, my Unicorn. But yeah, try to sleep. Sing for me?"

•••

"Why are you up?" Adam murmurs, voice rough with sleep. Javi's tracing the tattoos along Adams arms with his fingers, snuggling closer as he realizes Adam's awake.

"Can't sleep. Didn't mean to wake you." Javi shifts, tangling their legs together as he places kisses to Adams chest.

"'M not bothered. You can always wake me." Adam drapes his arm over Javi's waist. "Wanna tell me what's on your mind and keeping you up? Is it the dreams again?"

"No, no dreams." Javi shakes his head, hand sliding up over Adams side. "Its just you. You're on my mind."

"Me? What about me?"

"'Mm maybe I could show you, since you're awake now and all." Javi nudges Adam to his back, moving over him and nudges his legs apart so he fits just right between them. "Was just- I want to try again. But I don't think I can- that it'll work, not right now."

"So you have something else in mind?"

Javi nods, dipping his head to flick his tongue against one of Adams nipples. "Yeah. Sort of." Nipping at the hardening peak, then licking. Adams hips buck and Javi smirks. "Remember when you said I could top?"

"Yeah," Adam nods, hand coming to tangle his fingers in Javi's curls. "I believe I said something along the lines of, 'I can ride you the way I ride that bike onstage every night' right?"

Nodding as he kisses over to the other nipple, giving it the same treatment. "'Mm. Yeah, that was it-"

"Right now?"

"No." Javi answers quick, chuckles at himself. "Not exactly anyway." Rolling his hips against Adams, chewing his lower lip as he pulls back to meet Adams gaze. "I was thinking more along the lines of me topping you- like this. Not that you riding me doesn't sound hot as hell, but another time."

"Another time- that's good, cause I might not have the energy for that right this second." Adam shifts, pulling Javi down for a kiss, his hands sliding down Javi's sides. "If you're sure though, babydoll, and that's what you want, I'm okay with it."

"What I want? Just okay? You're not into the idea, are you?"

"Did I say that?" Adam raises an eyebrow, pressing his hips up against Javi's as he nips his ear lobe, whispering, "I'm so into the idea. I would love for you to have your way with me." Kissing the spot behind Javi's ear, "Make love to me, Javi, make me feel every inch."

"Fuck, your mouth-"

"Oh, my mouth has many talents."

"I'm well aware of those talents." Javi murmurs, shivering in anticipation, his fingers encircle Adams cock, long, slow strokes.

"Grab-" Adam moans, hips pressing into Javi's hand. "Fuck. Grab the lube, and a condom"

Nodding, Javi reaches for the night stand, grabbing the supplies where they left them before. "I don't really know what I'm doing." He murmurs, dropping the condom to rest on Adam's chest, taking the bottle of lube.

"It'll be easier to open this before you're hands are coated in lube, babe." Adam pointed out, nudging the condom toward Javi.

"Oh." Chewing his lower lip, his hands trembling as he grabs the packer, attempting to tear it open and fumbling. "I can't- why must it-"

Adam chuckles, shaking his head. "Let me then. Deep breaths, babydoll. Don't be so nervous." Taking the packet, Adam tears it open carefully, removing the item. He strokes Javi's length a few times before rolling the condom over him. "I want you, baby."

"I don't really- I've only- myself." Javi murmurs,full sentences are hard, but he's gesturing to his ha as he coats his fingers in lube and Adam gets the picture.

"Well, fuck. Did you have to put that image in my head?" Javi's cheeks heat up, blushing bright red all the way down his chest. "Just, that's good. Start there, like you're doing it to yourself, what you usually like."

Javi nods and Adam shifts, bending his knees and resting his feet on the mattress. His legs falling to the sides. Every touch send electric jolts through Adam as Javi's hand moves between his legs. The first finger teasing, massaging the ring of muscles as he leans over Adam to crash their lips together.

"Gonna fuck me with those fingers, baby? Get them inside me and stretch me real good for that cock?" Adam purrs, Javi whimpers and pushes harder than he means to, first finger pressing inside all the way to the last knuckle. It happens harder and faster than either of them expect. Javi's mouth opens, ready to apologize at Adams sharp intake of breath, but he doesn't get a chance. "Oh, shit." A moan as Adams back arches and presses his hips down against Javi's hand. "Yeah. Yeah, that's good, baby, like that."

Javi shifts, getting a better angle on his wrist to thrust his finger in and out of Adam. Soon he has two fingers, and he's staring as they disappear into Adams body over and over again. The way Adams muscles quiver and twitch with the pleasure. Pressing in, he curls his fingers up. Searching for that spot, that one that causes blinding pleasure. "No puedo esperar hasta que sea mi polla, estás tan envuelto."

"Oh-" Adam moans, back arching and cock twitching against his belly. "Fuck. That's it, Javi. That- right there. Keep- keep talking. Talk dirty to me, baby."

"How do you know I'm talking dirty?" Javi chuckles, pressing up against that spot every few thrusts and he licks his lips. "You're so sexy, Adam. Quiero hacerte sentir tan bien, mi amor."

"I don't, but it doesn't matter." Adam murmurs, hands sliding to Javi's ass, giving a squeeze. Jaw slack as Javi adds a third finger, scissoring them. "Come on, want you in me."

"Tan jodidamente caliente viendo mis dedos desaparecer dentro de ti." Javi purrs, nodding as he pups his fingers free. He strokes himself a few times before gripping the base, lining up the tip with Adams entrance and pushing inside. "Oh, fuck. Eso es bueno, tan jodidamente apretado." Adam wraps a leg around Javi's waist, pulling him in so he doesn't stop til he's all the way in.

"Fucking perfect, baby." Moaning, Adam pulls Javi into another kiss. "Made for this, you're made for me."

"I don't think I'm gonna last." Javi murmurs.

"Not gonna be a problem." Adam breaths, nudging Javi to reposition himself, bringing his leg to hook over Javi's shoulder and he moans as Javi rolls his hips, as if he's testing things out. "Don't think about it, baby. Just let go, fuck me."

Nodding, Javi glances down, staring as he pulls his hips back, pushes back in, words lost and traded for gasps and moans. "Fuck." Javi keeps it slow, working up a rhythm.

"You like to watch? See your dick sliding in and out?" Adam purrs, hands on Javi's back. "Next time I'll turn over, get on my hands and knees for you. Can see everything like that-" A moan cuts him off as Javi thrusts in harder. "Trying to shut me up? That's a good way to do it. Come on, more, baby."

Javi's gaze on Adams, staring at their bodies connecting will have him coming too soon. Stares at Adams face instead, breathing heavy already as he works up a steady rhythm. Slamming his hips against Adams, pulling out almost all the way, back in. Shifting the angle of his hips every few thrusts, figuring out how to find that spot.

"There." Adam pants, his back arching on a moan as he grips hard onto Javi's hips. "Right there, babe- do- fuck, do it again, faster."

Javi moans, shifting to get better leverage and doing his best to keep his hips at that angle as he speeds up the pace, movements more erratic as the heat builds low in his belly.

"You're close, aren't you?" Adam purrs, catching on to Javi's struggle to keep a steady rhythm, his hand sliding down to stroke his own dick. Javi nods, his eyes meeting Adams half lidded ones. "Do it. Come on, baby. Come for me."

"Fuck yes, Adam, yes, yes-" Javi moans, his hips slamming in one last time, circling slow, riding the waves of pleasure. His gaze falls to Adams hand, licking his lips.

"Have to- fuck." Adam moans, giving Javi a small nudge. "Have to pull out, babe." Javi meets Adams gaze again, gripping the base of the condom to pull out. "Oh shit." Catching Adam off guard, Javi slips two fingers inside and presses up against that spot. "Yes, fuck, yes, baby." He murmurs, his back arching as his muscles spasm and clinch around Javi's fingers, his hand stilling as the pleasure subsides.

"Fuck." Javi murmurs, collapsing next to Adam, catching his breath as he disposes of the condom. "I might be able to sleep now."

"Sleep sounds fantastic. Just-" Adam shifts, stretching his legs out. "Can you hand me a tissue, or anything?"

"Shit, sorry. Lemme grab something." Javi jumps up, stumbling on the first few steps across the room. Cleaning up himself, he grabs a warm washcloth before coming back to bed. He cleans the lube and drying come from Adam, leaning over him for a kiss. "Better?"

"Perfect. Thanks, babydoll." Adam shifts, rolling them to their sides. "You feeling okay after that?"

"Yeah, I am." Javi grins, fingers tracing down Adams spine. "I feel great right now, just wore out. And scared, terrified even."

"What are you scared of?"

"You. This. How much I love you. Last time- the only time, I cared for someone- well you know how that turned out." Javi says, hand resting on Adams lower back.

"Love is scary in the most normal circumstances. To be so attached to someone, unable to imagine being without them, to be so terrified of it not working, of messing up somehow, losing that person you love so much." Pressing a kiss to the tip of Javi's nose. "I can't imagine being in your shoes, having the added worry that you're making another horrible choice, that its gonna turn upside down at any second." Adam shakes his head. "I love you, Javi. I'll never hurt you. Not like that, not like him."

"I know you won't, I do. I love you."

"Sleep now? We've got a busy day tomorrow. I have your spare key still too, remind me to give it back." Adam murmurs, hand covering his mouth as he yawns. "I have something to show you tomorrow too. I kinda made some big decisions today."

"No, keep it. But sleep, yes." Javi nods and raises an eyebrow. "Good decisions I hope?"

"Definitely good decisions. Something I should have done ages ago." Adam nods, "I was going to talk to you about it when I got here but you were distracting." Adam chuckles, pulling Javi tight against himself. "I have something for you too then if I keep your key."

•••


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy and comments are always appreciated! 
> 
> And since I can't remember if there's any in this one, translations come from google so you'll have to forgive me if they're not entirely correct.

Javi's the first one awake, and he lets Adam sleep. He'll wake him before they need to be anywhere. He's enjoying the view anyway, Adams arms encircling him, head rested on Javi's stomach, ass hanging half way out as the blankets are slipping off his hips.

Not necessary to wake him it turns out.

Javi's on the phone with his mother when Adam starts to come around. He's slow to wake in the mornings though, Javi has experience with that. So even as Adam stirs, pressing kisses to Javi's stomach, Javi cards his fingers through Adams hair, keeping his voice quiet as not to disturb Adam.

"Adam, your beard tickles." Javi squirms, fighting back giggles as Adam nuzzles Javi's belly, the beard rough and scratchy, but the touch is light enough to tickle.

"Oh?" Adam lifts his head to raise an eyebrow at Javi before blowing raspberries on his belly.

That time, Javi does laugh, shaking his head. "Oh my god, you Queen. Stop." Javi squirms to get out of Adams hold. "No, mama. He's just woke up being a pest. Yeah, he's doing good."

Lifting his head again at that, hair falling in his face. "Oh, I'm a pest now? Not what you were saying last night." Smirking, Adam blows another raspberry against Javi's skin, his hands joining in to tickle Javi's sides.

Javi can't hold it back that time, he laughs hard until he's out of breath and gasping for air. Dropping the phone in his struggle to squirm away from Adams attack. "Adam, please. Can't- Can't breathe."

Adam laughing too when he let's up, grabbing the phone to put it on speaker.

"Javier, what's going on? Are you okay?"

"Hi mom! Javi's fine. He just can't handle a tickle fight." Adam teases as he sits up, leaning in to press a kiss to Javi's lips.

"Oh. Hi Adam. How are you? Javi forgot to mention you were over."

"I didn't forget, he was sleeping like the dead, I didn't think he'd be up anytime soon." Javi squeaks, squirming from the assault as Adam tickles his side again.

Chuckling, Adam nods. "I'm doing fantastic. You're doing good I hope?"

"I'm doing good, just getting ready to board our flight so I'll let you boys get to your day."

"Oh, well safe travels, and rest up an you get there." Adam rolls off Javi, placing a kiss to his shoulder as he hands the phone back.

"We will. You boys have fun, and keep that son of mine in line."

Adam laughs, fingers twirling Javi's curls. "Don't worry, he's in good hands. Don't stay away too long, yeah? We'd love to see you more often."

"Love you, mama. And Adams right, come back soon?"

"I'll do my best. Love you."

Adam nuzzles his face in Javis neck when he hangs up, his eyes closing as he inhales Javi's aroma. Javi's quiet and scrolling on his phone. "Ugh."

Adam lifts his head to see what Javi's looking at and raises an eyebrow. "Who's that?"

"Apparently Jason's new play thing. I'm not sure why its news but, there you go." Javi scrunches his face in disgust.

"He looks young. Like really young." Adam tilts his head to meet Javi's gaze. "Does it bother you to see him with someone else?"

"He is. Sixteen? Fifteen? Something in there. Some up and coming model that's getting all the buzz right now." Javi shrugs, setting the phone aside as he shakes his head. "Not in the jealous, sages moving on way. I couldn't care less what he does. I've known for a long time he never really cared about me. But it bothers me in that I feel bad for the kid."'

"What? Is he insane? I mean, I have no issues with an age difference, obviously but I mean- at least make sure they're of age." Adam cringes, and he aides an eyebrow at Javi. "Why feel back for him?"

"I can speak from experience, that yes, he is insane." Javi chuckles and he presses a kiss to Adams forehead. "He's just a kid. Jason's going to do the same thing to him, reel him in, make him think he cares, he's going to end up in the same situation I just got out of."

"I have to agree. He's insane for not treating you the way you deserve, and holding on tight. But his loss." Adam nods. "Fair enough. But maybe he'll be smart enough to see it and get away before it comes to that."

"Oh." Javi frowns, pulling away from Adam. "So I wasn't smart enough? Just stupid me that stayed and let it happen."

"What? That's not what I said." Adam furrows his eyebrows, shifting to scoot closer again, Javi jerking back again. "You weren't stupid. You were young and felt you had no one to turn to. But you did get away."

"Not before he managed to da!age me for life. Young stupid me didn't realize it soon enough." Javi mutters, eyes on his lap as he picks at his finger nails.

"That's not even close to what I said-"

"Whatever."

"Javi, don't be mad. I didn't mean that, that's not what I said. I'm so fucking proud of you for getting away when you did." Adam leans in for a kiss and hes met with Javi's cheek instead of his lips as he turns his head away. He sighs.

Javi rolls his eyes. "Whatever. Didn't you have something to tell me? Or show me?"

"I do have something to show you, we'll go after our appointment." Adam says, sitting up straighter. "I'm gonna get a shower in before that. Is there any coffee?"

Nodding, Javi kept it around for Adam. "There is. I'll go start a pot for you, maybe I'm not too stupid for that."

Adam sighs, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "I didn't say-" Adam shakes his head. "You're not stupid. I love you."

Javi ignores him, getting up to go to the kitchen and start the coffee.

•••

"What do you think?" Adam asks after giving Javi a tour of the house.

Javi's not sure why Adams showing him the empty house, there's a for sale sign outside with 'SOLD' stamped across it. Staring out at the backyard through the sliding doors, Javi raises an eyebrow. "Its nice. But I'm not sure what your point is? How did you even get in here?"

Adam chuckles, stepping behind Javi, arms encircling Javi's waist. "So you like it?"

"I love it, but you still haven't-"

"Its mine. And this-" Adam slips a hand into his pocket, producing a single key attached to a key chain. "And this is yours. And before you say it, I'm not asking you to move in. I know your not ready for that, and want your own space for a while. But keep the key, your welcome anytime. And one day in the future, this is all yours, too."

Taking the key, Javi nods. Leaning back into Adam. "What about your house?"

"Put it up for sale yesterday."

"Why do all this? When did you even have time to do this?"

"It was time, something I should have done ages ago." Adam chuckles, placing a kiss to the top of Javi's head. "It was suppose to be ours, Noah and mine. Without him its been too empty, lonely. Too many reminders." He says, "And I didn't really have that much time. My moms been looking at houses for me while I was away and sending updates. She'll be taking care of the move while I'm away again."

"That's good then, if it means taking another step forward." Javi nods, turning in Adams arms to face him.

"It feels good, yeah." Adam nods. "But, that's out of the way. How are you feeling after that session?"

"Like maybe I can handle this, and I don't need to rush anything, but someday soon maybe I can give myself to you for real." Javi nods, hands cupping Adams cheek. Recounting every detail from their attempt wasn't as bad as Javi dreaded. For Adam though, hearing details about Jason was every bit as hard as he expected. "Are you good with it?"

"I wish I didn't have to know about the things Jason has done, but I think that parts important too so I can understand why you might react a certain way in a situation." Adam nods, fingers brushing through Javi's hair. "But yeah, I'm okay with it. I think it'll do us some good."

"I think so, too. It'll help a lot since I don't have any idea what I'm doing, or how an actual healthy relationship works." Javi sighs, eyes meeting Adams.

"I don't think any of us know what we're doing for sure. We just wing it, go with the flow and hope its right." Adam leans his forehead against Javi's. "Are you still mad about this morning? What I said?" Probably the one thing that didn't come up in their session.

"It just hit me the wrong way. And it hurt, or maybe it was made worse because I think it myself all the time. How stupid I was to not see it was wrong and get out."

"I'm sorry if it came off as me saying you were. That wasn't my intention at all." Adam places a kiss to Javi's lips, hands rubbing up and down his sides. "And you're not stupid. At all. He manipulated you into thinking it was okay, and that you had no one to turn to when you realized it wasn't."

"I know. I'm slowly getting there, and not thinking that way about it." Javi chases after that kiss, wanting more. "And I'm sorry, too. I might have overreacted a little, and I don't want to be mad at you."

"But its hard, and reminders of feeling that way make it harder. I get it." Adam smiles, kissing Javi's forehead. "It's okay." He says, tightening his arms around Javi. "Let's get outta here. Make some lunch at your place or grab something on the way?"

"Yeah, that's it." Javi smiles and nods. "My place. I kinda just want to get home and curl up with you and Pharaoh. So tired."

"Yeah, someone kept us up half the night." Adam teases, stepping back and taking Javi's hand to lead him out.

•••

"Ada- what in the world are you doing?" Javi raises an eyebrow walking into the dressing room and finding Adam in some sort of pretzel position mid stretch.

"Stretching." Adam chuckles, unfolding himself and stretching his legs out in front of him. "My backs been kinda achy. It helps."

"Should have said something, Unicorn. I'd have offered massages." Javi pointed out, setting his camera case down. No longer Adams assistant but instead tour photographer, like adam promised he would do for him.

"As tempting as that is, it's no longer your job to tend to my every need, Mister Photographer." Adam grins, pushing himself to his feet. "Did you need something, babydoll?"

"Maybe not my job title anymore, but kinda feel like its my job as the boyfriend to help out." And Javi's still taking care of whatever Adam can't do himself, having plenty of free time and Adam not yet replacing him. "I have to need something to come see you now?"

"You can take care of me later, I'm okay right now and it hasn't been that bad." Adam takes the few steps across to Javi, wrapping his arms around him. "No, of course not."

"Oh, I can take care of you all right." Javi teases, nodding. "Good. But actually-" raising an eyebrow at Adam, he steals a kiss. "I have no idea if there's anything I'm suppose to be doing right now? Anyone I'm suppose to check with? Where do I start? Are there certain shots I need to try to get?"

"You've taken care of me real good, baby." Adam chuckles, and he nods. "Right now? Probably not. You could grab some backstage shots if you wanted. For the rest of that? Brian's probably a better person to ask, but you can follow me to soundcheck soon. Get some shots there and get a feel for the layout, and see if there's anything Brian and Roger want."

"I hope so. I still need a lot of practice." Javi says, fingers carding through Adams hair. "Okay. We have, what? Another twenty minutes til then? So, how's your back now? What even got it hurting?"

"We'll get to that." Adam says, tugging Javi over to the small love seat to sit with him. The rooms backstage are much nicer in the European venues, fancier somehow. The love seat so plush and comfy. "Its fine right this second. And I don't know, I either slept wrong, or its a stress thing."

Tucking himself under Adams arm, Javi snuggles against him. "Stress? What's to stress about? You can talk about it, you know."

"I do know, but its nothing really. First show of this leg of the tour, its always a little more stressful and chaotic hoping things go smoothly, more nerves I guess? And then the album's out now, and while it's not the most important thing, I'd be lying if I said I didn't care if it does well or not. Or if people like it. I haven't been nervous about it, or worried, but now that its out- it's like sending your baby out in the big scary world on their own for the first time."

"So you do want to talk about it." Javi teases, making himself nice and comfy before grabbing his phone from his pocket. "I can ease a little of those worries then. Label sent this over earlier." Opening the text, and handing it to Adam. "Reviews are coming in all over the place, and everything's really positive. Sales are steady, too. Your baby's doing fine on it's own."

Furrowing his brows, Adam looks over the stats, skimming a couple reviews and grins. "That does help a lot. Like a weight being lifted." Adam chuckles, handing Javi's phone back. "Why are they still sending everything to you though?"

"You already have enough going on to deal with, so I told them I would still be with you and could give you any important messages and handle it til you find someone to take my place." Javi nods, pressing a kiss to Adams chin. "I learned a thing or two over the summer, I think I've got it down how to deal with everything for you, Unicorn."

"Are you sure? That's a lot extra to take care of that you don't have to. I could take my own business calls-"

"Hush. Its nothing and I want to."

"Okay, but if it gets to be too much-"

"I'll direct them back to you."

"Okay, good." Adam nods, fingers twirling Javi's hair. "Now, you should kiss me."

"Bossy now, are we? I mean- I don't think you're actually my boss anymore, you can't just make demands like that." Javi teases, lifting his head to meet Adams gaze.

"Oh I can and I will. Now shut up and kiss me."

"Make me."

"You're a stubborn little shit." Adam laughs, leaning in to press their lips together. "You're lucky I love you." He murmurs pilling back, grinning. The kiss short and sweet, but full of love.

"I can agree with that one. Luckiest guy in the whole world right here." Javi says, grinning as he snuggles back in against Adam and silence falls over them.

Its a comfortable, happy silence. One both men enjoy, relaxed against each other. At least until the reminder for soundcheck interrupts it. Adams phone buzzing with the reminder and startling Javi as he was starting to doze. "Come on, sleeping beauty, grab your camera and get to the stage."

•••

"Still nervous?" Adam asks, back in the dressing room. Javi's fidgeting, sorting Adams things, putting everything in order. "You don't need to do any of that, come on. Deep breaths, relax."

"A little bit." Javi stops, turning toward Adam. Grinning, Adam lounged out on the couch. "I know I don't need to. But I do need to, it helps. Doing something familiar I guess." Grabbing his camera instead, flipping through pictures from soundcheck before he snaps one of Adam on the loveseat.

"I know you'll do great, you shouldn't be so worried." Adam reaches out for Javi, shaking his head. "You're so keeping those to yourself."

"I think I'll be okay after tonight and I get the hang of things." Javi says with a nod, and raising an eyebrow at Adam as he steps closer. "Why not? It's how you look your best. Relaxed, and happy."

"You're crazy, you're so wrong on that one." Adam reaches for Javi's arm to rug him down ontop of him when Javi's in reach. "But I love you, so I'll let you think it."

"Nuh uh, you're wrong. And I might be crazy, but only about you. If you really want though, I'll keep them for myself." Javi squeaks as Adam tugs him down, setting the camera aside as he makes himself comfortable sprawled on top of Adam "I love you more."

"That's impossible." Adam say, arms encircling Javi's waist lifting his head for a kiss.

"I've sometimes believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast." Javi grins, stealing a kiss of his own before nuzzling against Adams neck.

Adam chuckles, fingers tracing along Javi's spine. "You've gone mad."

"Absolutely bonkers." Javi nods, his hand coming to card his fingers through Adams hair. "But, we're all mad here."

"Never a more fitting statement." Adam laughs, hands sliding down to cup Javi's ass. "I need to get ready, you know. As much I would love to just lay here with you the rest of the night."

"I've come go know how true it is. But you're all mad in the best kind of way." Javi lofts his head, nodding. Adam, the Queen guys, the whole crew, becoming one giant family to Javi. They've been so nice and welcoming, and Javi's sure he must be dreaming most days. "I know, I'll let you to it in a minute." He murmurs, leaning in to nip Adams lower lip, and closing their mouths together.

"Need to get dressed, babydoll." Adam murmurs, but makes no move to get up or pull away from the kiss. Instead, tangling his finger in Javi's curls, tongue tracing Javi's lower lip until Javi opens for it.

Their tongues dance together, battling for control. Javi gives it over to Adam after several long moments, his hips rutting against Adams thigh. He whimpers in protest when Adam pulls away nudging Javi to move. "Come on, you have time." Pouting, Javi goes in for another kiss.

Adam chuckles and nods as he nips Javi's lower lip as he pulls back again. "But not much." Nudging Javi to move again, Adam sits up, stealing another kiss. "And I'd much rather wait til later when we have more time. Time to do it right."

"Okay. Fair enough." Javi shifts off Adam. Grabbing his camera again when Adam gets to his feet to start getting himself together, Javi snapping photos of him through the process.

"Hey, I wanna see what you've got so far." Adam says, arms encircling Javi's waist from behind.

Javi smiles, leaning into Adam. He lets Adam see the camera screen as he scrolls through the photos, pausing an extra beat when Adam takes interest in a certain one. "Do you even know how gorgeous you are? You make it so easy to get good photos."

"You really have gone mad." Adam chuckles and he nods, kissing Javi's cheek. "I really like that one though. Can you send it to me? Is it okay if I post it?"

"Of course." Javi hits a button to send Adam the picture and turns his head for a kiss. And Adam goes about the rest of his routine, the room filling with his vocal warm ups. Which Javi has to say he oddly enjoys listening to.

•••

"Baby, I wanna see." Adam's coming from the stage, dripping in sweat, crown still on his head.

"You're really distracting, you know." Javi chuckles. Experimenting is what he did for the first show, playing with angles and which ones worked or didn't. That is, when he wasn't staring at Adam with heart eyes and a huge grin.

"Me? You were on top of the scaffolding! I was worried you'd fall." Adam goes for a kiss, and Javi pushes him away, removing the crown from Adams head.

"That part was fun. Should I not?" Setting the crown down, Javi chuckles at Adams confused expression. "You're all sweaty, Unicorn. Go rinse off and I'll get the pictures up for you."

"I don't think its a problem. Whatever you need to do, just be careful." Adam raises an eyebrow and nods, "Right. I'm gross as fuck right now. Ten minutes." Undoing his boots and pulling them off on the way to the small bathroom.

"Javi, can you hand me my robe, babe?" Adam calls from the bathroom a few minutes later and Javi laughs, pushing himself to his feet.

"What would you do without me?" Javi teases, crossing the room with Adams robe to hand or over. "You know, I might enjoy the view more without the robe."

"Probably just get it myself and hope no one comes barging in at that moment." Adam laughs, leaning in for a kiss as he accepts the robe. "Well, I might be able to arrange that for later. Now, show me those pictures."

Adams tying the robe around his waist as he follows Javi to the love seat. Javi sits with his legs across Adams lap as he grabs the laptop, easier to see on a larger screen. He's chewing his lower lip, waiting as he turns it toward Adam.

"Oh my God, babydoll. These are fantastic." Adams grinning, eyes shining bright as he looks through them.

"You think so?" Javi asks, fingers carding through Adams damp hair, pressing kisses to his shoulder and neck.

"I know so." Adam says, scrolling through the photos. "The ones from earlier too. You have a good eye." He nods, he rambles about the angles and lighting, and which one he likes best. Javi takes note in his head for the next show.

"Now I'm regretting ever giving this up in the first place." Javi says and he shifts, taking the laptop to close it and set it aside before straddling Adams lap. "Maybe I can get some personal shots at the hotel later." He says, wiggling his eyebrows.

"Now who's the perv?" Adam raises an eyebrow, hands on Javi's hips as Javi presses their lips together, his hips rolling down against Adams. "Mm, hey. Come on, babe. Not here."

"At the hotel? You said earlier, after the show." Javi pouts, hands resting on Adams chest. "Also, that wasn't a no to the pictures."

"I did say that, but I'm not making any promises. I'm tired tonight." Adam laughs, "And you're right. It wasn't a no. But it's a not tonight, I'll make it up to you. On both accounts."

"I'm gonna hold you to that." Javi says, stealing a kiss. "I love you. Jetlag set in?"

"I think so." Adam shifts, returning the kiss. "I love you. Ready to go? I'd love to get to our room, and enjoy a glass of wine and some snuggles."

"Yeah. Let's go, Unicorn."

•••

"Adam, what're you doing?" Javi set his camera down after the show just nanoseconds before Adam grabbed him. Tugging him toward the back door of the venue.

"Just come with me." Adam says, lacing their fingers together. It's raining, somewhere in London. Adam still in his stage clothes. "Dance with me."

"What-"

"Shh. C'mere." Adam tugs Javi close, arms on Javi's hips. Javi's arms come up around Adam's shoulders, both of them soaking wet from the rain. There's no music, except for Adam's quiet humming as they sway together and Javi raises any eyebrow.

"You need to change, and it's cold out here." Javi shakes his head, not really complaints. Stating the obvious is all.

"I know, we wont stay out long. Just enjoy the moment." Adam says, hands sliding around to cup Javi's ass. "Ever been kissed in the rain?"

"Can't say that I have."

Adam nods, leaning in to close his mouth over Javi's. The rest of the world melts away, disappearing. It's only the two of them. Javi tangles his fingers in Adam's hair, licking into his mouth. Time stands still for a time, just them, swaying together in the rain and lips locked.

Brian pulls them from it, Javi ready to break and finding it hard to breathe without inhaling water up his nose anyway. "Yeah, we're ready. just let us grab dry clothes." Adam calls back to his bandmate, lacing his fingers with Javi's to lead him back inside.

Javi follows, and they undress and change in silence, helping to peel the wet clothes from each others bodies, teeth chattering as they shiver in the cool air. "Here, you need to get warm, babe. You don't need to get sick." Offering Adam's robe, Javi wraps him in it, Adam nodding. "You're unusually quiet. Everything okay? Did something happen?"

"No, nothing happened." Adam says, pulling Javi close. "The rain just reminded me of Noah and I needed to enjoy the moment. And I'm fantastic, actually. Just still feels it'll crash down at any second."

"Well, when, or if, it does, I'll be right here and we'll put the pieces back together best we can." Javi nods, grabbing his own robe. "Do you want some tea? Help warm you up?"

"No. I'm okay. We need to go." Adam wraps his arms around Javi from behind, chin resting on his shoulder. "How're you doing, babydoll? How's the therapy sessions going?"

Javi smiles, turning in Adam's arms to face him. "I'm doing great, and the sessions are helping a lot I think. And you don't need to feel like you don't ask enough. You're busy and I get it."

"I do though, I always feel like I didn't check in with Noah enough. Like maybe if I had just asked him how he was more often, he'd feel more like someone cared and-"

"Hey, you don't need to finish that thought. And I think Mine and Noahs situations are different. I know you care, whether you ask or not, I know you care and if I need to vent, I'll let you know." Javi cups Adams cheeks, searching his gaze. "Sure everything's okay? Where did this come from?"

Adam nods, "Yeah, I'm fine. I just- I was thinking about him. That's all. I don't want to make the same mistakes, don't want to miss things again."

"You don't need to worry." Javi kisses Adams forehead, sighing. "I'm okay. You're not making any mistakes, you didn't in the first place with him. It's a whole different situation, babydoll. I didn't know him, or what issues he had going on, but I don't think it was the same as mine."

"So many. He had so many."

"Maybe you can tell me about it one day." Javi hugs Adam tight, kissing his cheek. "But come on. We need to go, and bed sounds so good and warm right now."

•••

"Has anyone seen Javi?" Adams asks as he comes from soundcheck, still in London for a second show. His exhuastion is not helping his state of mind, and Javi should be there by now.

Everyone shakes their head, telling Adam they hadn't seen him around and Adam sighs, heading to his dressing room. Maybe he's there.

No such luck.

Adam sends a text, and tries calling when he doesn't get a response. Still, no luck. It brings Noah to mind, the last time he didn't get any response from him when he texted he was on his way home, what he found when he got there. Pacing the room, enough to wear the carpet down he's sure, but he doesn't care. Too busy trying to calm himself. Javi is fine, he just can't get to his phone is all.

Giving up trying to hold back, his head pounding as he leans against the wall, sliding down until he's on the floor and tears are spilling out. "Fuck, you're ridiculous, Adam." He tells himself as he rests his elbows on his knees, hands covering his face.

"Adam? What's wrong? Did something happen?" Javi. Javi's back and he's across the room and kneeling in front of Adam as fast as his legs allow him to move.

"You happened." Adam sobs, pulling Javi between his legs and hugging him tight.

"I did? I wasn't here?" Javi nuzzles Adams neck, wincing as Adams squeezes his ribs. "Hey, loosen up, Unicorn. Can't breathe."

"You weren't here. That's what happened." Adam murmurs, loosening his hold on Javi. "Answer your phone next time."

"Huh?" Javi hasn't gotten any calls, or anything- oh shit. "My phones dead. I didn't get a chance to charge it." Pulling back, Adams calming down. He wipes the tears from Adams cheeks, pressing a kiss to the tip of his nose. "I'm sorry. I'm here now, I'm okay. You're okay."

"You scared me. Or rather I panicked and my mind jumped to the worst." Adam says, his gaze meeting Javi's, sliding his hands up Javi's chest. "Sorry. I do that ever since-"

"Its okay. I'll do my best to make sure my phones charged and on from now on." Javi leans his forehead against Adams, carding his fingers through Adams hair. "I might have something to make it up to you."

"I don't need sexual favors for you scaring the shit outta me."

Javi laughs, shaking his head. "Well, that was my back-up plan, or maybe an add-on to the current plan." Placing a kiss to Adam's forehead, Javi pushes himself to his feet. "Been missing anything today?"

"You." Adam takes the hand Javi offers, letting him help pull Adam to his feet.

"Being dead serious, Unicorn. You left the hotel in a hurry today." Adam furrows his eyebrows and Javi grins. "I have your keys, and your wallet. You should be really glad I hung around a few after you left." Javi shakes his head, producing the items from his jacket pocket.

"Oh shit, total life saver. That would have been a total headache." Adam accepts the items, setting them with his bag.

"Thought it might be." Javi crosses the room while Adam throws himself on the love seat, rubbing the bridge of his nose. Picking the two cups up from the snack table where he left them when he came in. "And I have milkshake peace offers." Turning to join Adam on the sofa, offering one of the cups.

"You know-"

"No dairy, I know. For one, its coconut cream, dairy free. Two, I know enough by now to know, dairy or not, you would have stole mine if I didn't bring you one." Javi shifts, straddling Adam's lap. "Are you sure you're okay now? How was soundcheck?"

"How are you so perfect? I mean, other than forgetting to charge your phone." Adam sips from the straw, nodding. "Yeah, mostly. I'm sorry. Noah's just been on my mind and then you didn't answer- Ever since- I just sorta panic when I can't get ahold of someone. I have a slight headache now. But i have you and this milkshake to make it better." Nodding, Adam sighs. "Soundcheck was good. The usual. Where have you been anyway/'

"I'm sorry. Someone distracted me before I plugged it in last night." Javi teases, nodding. "it's okay. You don't need to apologize for being worried. And I was- Well I don't know really. I just went and explored for a bit."

"Oh so it's all my fault then?" Adam raises an eyebrow, a hand resting on Javi's hip. "See anything interesting?

"It is actually. Maybe. I mean, you fell asleep and grew four extra limbs, I couldn't get away." Javi teases, hand running over Adam's chest. "I did, I've never been. I've never been to a lot of places. It was a good way to clear my head and do some thinking. I got some pictures of the city too."

"Fair enough." Adam nods, leaning against the back rest. "What was it you had on your mind? Anything you want to share?"

"I did." Javi starts, something he had on his mind lately. "Actually, I wanted to show. Something I've been thinking about, something I've wanted to do and I think- I think I could now. But you just said you didn't want sexual favors, and now it might come off as one."

"Bribes and favors for scaring me have already been accepted in the form of milkshakes. Anything else is too late to be counted." Adam smirks.

"Do we have time? You need to get yourself together." Javi murmurs, setting his cup on a side table as he leans in to kiss Adam, nipping his lower lip and his hands pushing Adam's shirt up, pulling it over his head. No time for Adam to answer that.

"Depends what you have in mind. We can make it quick, or I can be faster getting ready." Adam shifts, setting his own milkshake down too. "Let's start with locking the door."

"Hmm, see. I was thinking, you, naked, my lips wrapped around your giant cock." Javi says as he stands, crossing the room to push the lock in on the door. "So, do we have time?"

Adam whimpers at he words, shifts, adjusting himself in his jeans. "Not gonna need time if you keep saying shit like that. Get back over here. Tell me in Spanish."

"Oh that still does it for you?" Javi raises an eyebrow as he steps back over, "well," Straddling Adams lap again, he leans in to kiss over his jaw, keeping his voice low. "Primero, me burlaría, pero no tenemos mucho tiempo."

Adam tilts his head back, his hips pressing up against Javi. Javi smirks, "eres tan sexy No puedo esperar para meter tu polla en mi boca. Me muero por hacer esto." He whispers against Adams ear, kissing back down Adams neck, pausing at the more sensitive spots, giving extra attention.

"Wait." Javi pauses, lifting his head to meet Adams gaze. "What did you mean, you think you can do it now?"

"Now you ask?" Javi chuckles, back to kissing Adams skin, down his chest, tongue flicking against a nipple. "Its- I've been afraid it would be a trigger of some kind."

"But it's not now?"

"Maybe. Maybe it is. We're about find out." Tugging Adams nipple with his teeth, licking over it. "I want to. I want to try. We'll talk about it after if you want to know details or reasons."

"I probably don't, but I should. And okay, after." The last word goes higher pitched as it trails on a moan, Adams hands on Javi's sides as Javi gives both nipples the same attention before kissing lower.

Javi slides down, slipping from Adams lap, on his knees between Adams legs. He's kissing every inch of exposed skin along the way, dipping his tongue into Adam's belly button. "Lift your hips." Murmuring, his fingers fumbling to undo Adams jeans.

Adam nods, scooting his hips to the edge of the love seat, lifting while Javi tugs his jeans and briefs down. Javi hesitates, staring at Adams flush length for several long moments, his mouth watering at the sight. His hands tremble as he brings one to encircle the base. "You don't have to go through with it. It's okay if you change your mind."

"I want to." Javi murmurs, keeping his eyes on Adams as he leans in, licking the underside from base to tip. Taking in the taste, the precum leaking from the tip. "I just might suck at it. And not in a good way." He says before taking the tip into his mouth, teasing the slit and frenulum with his tongue, hand pumping the shaft.

"Fuck-" Adam moans, hand coming to rest on the back of Javi's head. "You- your downplaying what you can do, baby."

Javi smirks around the length, one more glance at Adams face before his eyes slip closed. Focused on the task. He sinks down more, past the head, getting use to the taste, and the weight on his tongue. The stretch of his jaw. Bobbing his head a few times, taking more each time.

Moving his hand out of the way, Javi sinks down. Relaxing his throat and swallowing around the length as it slides into his throat, his hands resting on Adams thighs.

"Javi- fuck- Javi-" Adam tries to get words out, his jaw going slack as his hips buck involuntarily, fighting his hardest against the reflex.

Javi pulls back quick, hand on Adams dick again and stroking him as he coughs, gagging from the sudden movement from Adams hips. "Sorry, sorry." He murmurs over and over while he catches his breath, his gaze turning to meet Adams again.

"Don't apologize." Adam murmurs, fingers massaging Javi's scalp. "You don't need to choke yourself though. If you keep the focus right here," his hand comes to trace around the crown of his dick, "You'll do just fine."

Javi nods, taking a deep breath. "Sorry." He murmurs again before leaning down, flicking his tongue in the slit. Moving down more, he licks Adams balls, sucking one into his mouth, his hand still stroking the hard length.

The climax is building low in Adams belly, "Javi- baby-" He moans, fingers curling in Javi's hair. Little quiet gasps and moans leave his mouth.

Javi moves, closing his mouth over Adams dick again, just the tip this time. His tongue flicking and pressing against all the most sensitive parts as he bobs his head, his hand working the rest of the shaft.

"Javi- gonna- baby, fuck, can't." Sentences are hard as Adam tries to warn Javi, give him a chance to pull back if he doesn't want Adam cumming in his mouth. "Oh fuck-"

Javi doesn't pull back, wants it. But even with the warning, and the pulses and twitching of Adams muscles giving him away, it still catches Javi off guard. He can't swallow fast enough as the creamy, bitter substance hits his tongue and has to pull back. Stroking Adam through it as he pants, gasping to catch his breath as the milky liquid drips over his lips and down his chin with his own saliva.

"C'mere, babydoll." Adam purrs, giving Javi a nudge to join him on the loveseat. Javi nods, swallowing what was still in his mouth as he moves to sit next to Adam. "Fuck, you-"

"Made a huge fucking mess. Sorry." Javi murmurs, he never mastered the skill of swallowing, not fast enough. It was always a mess, a complaint Jason had every time.

"That you did." Adam chuckles, leaning in for a kiss, his hand coming to wipe the mess from Javi chin. "No reason to apologize, kinda hot. Though if you didn't want to swallow-"

"That- no. I wanted to. I just- it always catches me off guard and I'm not quick enough." Javi shifts to his feet. Crossing the room to rinse his face in the small bathroom. "Or rather, I'm not use to being warned." Shrugging, Javi join Adam on the sofa again, nudging the hand reaching for his zipper away. "Don't, not right now. You need to get yourself dressed.

"There's enough time," Adam says, shifting closer. He pulls Javi into a kiss, hand on the side of his face.

"I'm sure there is, but I'm okay. I can wait til later." Javi murmurs into the kiss, pulling back after a moment with a smile.

"Mm, I'm gonna get clothes then, hang on." Adam steals one more kiss before pushing himself to his feet. "Wanna talk about those possible triggers then? Or why you were worried about trying that?"

Javi stares as Adam crosses the room, no shame at all being in his birthday suit while he searches through his things. "Not really my favorite topic, but if you want to hear about it."

"It's not my favorite either, but knowing does help so I know what not to do, or what I did wrong. Like if you would have told me before we tried you bottoming that he always pinned you on your stomach when he- uh, yeah. I would have never asked you to try that way." Adam pulls his clean briefs on. "Lemme just get dressed, and you can tell me about it."

"I didn't think about it, I was trying not to think about him at the time." Javi nods, curling up in the corner of the couch. "I've been thinking about that again too, you know. Or, I guess talking about it."

Adams listening from the small bathroom while he gets his first stage outfit on. "Oh? In the sessions? How's that going?"

"Still nervous about it, about being able to go through with it." Javi shrugs, his eyes trailing from Adams feet, up to his face when he reappears, dressed in the gold suit. "She gave me things I should try on my own first."

Grabbing his shoes, Adam sits next to Javi again, nodding. "And have you? Is it helping?"

"Why do you think I've taken a couple nights in my own room?" Javi raises an eyebrow, nodding. "And yeah, I think its helping a little. I'm getting there."

"I thought you were just sick of me and my extra octopus limbs." Adam teases, shifting, turning somewhat to face Javi. "And what about right now? After- did that have any effect? Are you okay?"

"I could never." Javi smiles, scooting closer and placing a kiss to Adams lips. "Right now, I feel really good. And it did have an effect, but a good one. One of taking control back and not letting what he did hold me back and keep me from trying things."

"That's not something you had in that situation before, is it?"

Shaking his head, Javi hides his face against Adams chest. "No, not really. He always forced me, pushed me to my knees and just-"

"You don't have to-"

"No, its okay." Javi sighs, fingers gripping onto Adams sides. "He- he would hold my hair and force me down, thrust down my throat-"

"Jesus Christ, I need you to stop." Adam took a deep breath, fist clenching at his side. "Now I see why you were worried it'd be a trigger."

"I think it still could be, just cause I did it once-" Javi shifts, meeting Adams gaze. "But you're nothing like that, Unicorn. I wasn't worried you'd do anything like that. But that's cause, I think-" turning, facing Adam. "The therapist- she says we also have um, glimmers?" He shrugs, "something that's the opposite of triggers. A place, person, smell, whatever it might be, that makes us feel safe." Cupping Adams cheek, he steals a kiss. "And I think you're one for me. I feel safe with you. It feels like home in your arms."

Grinning, Adam leans into the kiss, resting his forehead against Javi's. "Being with you is home. And I'm happy to be that for you. Happy to be right here anytime you need reminding that you're safe and you'll be okay."

"I might take you up on that a lot." Javi chuckles, "and I'm sorry its hard to hear about these things, that they're even necessary to talk about."

"Its not you're fault these things happened to you, babydoll."

"You have a show to get ready for."

•••


	28. Chapter 28

Adam sighs, staring out over the skyline from their balcony. Its a beautiful view of the city, everything lit up for the night. The Eiffel tower at the center of it all. Perfect end to a day off together exploring the city, relaxing, enjoy themselves, and just acting like big goofballs.

Javi shivers as he comes back to join, a bottle of wine and two glasses in his hand. They opted for dinner in the room. Set up on the little table on their balcony. The view was something to take advantage of while they could.

"Are you cold? We can eat inside." Adam asks, raising an eyebrow as Javi sets the glasses down, pouring both with the wine. "Since when are you drinking?"

"No. I mean, I am a little but its fine. I'll grab a sweater." Which he does, stepping back inside as he answers, "And since right now." Javi reappears, wrapped in an oversized sweater. One that's Adams, and Adam grins. "Its just a glass of wine, and its with you. So it's safe, you're safe." And Javi can't let Jason win by avoiding things he once enjoyed forever.

"You're glowing, babydoll. I don't know what it is, but something's shifted, in a really good way." Something Adam noticed all day. Maybe he's having a good day and that's all, maybe the therapy is helping him that much. Or maybe it was getting to take the day, and just let loose. Relax. "I love it, it looks fantastic on you." Adam reaches across, taking Javi's hand. Bringing it to his lips, pressing a kiss to the knuckles.

"I think I'm starting to see things in a new light. Feel more like my old self again, before Jason ruined everything. I mean, I was just a kid, so not exactly like that, but you get the point. I'm trying not to think of myself as damaged and unworthy of anything good." Javi nods, smiling across at Adam. "You've helped a lot with that, too, you know. Making me feel loved and worthy. I'm working on really believing it."

"It's a start, and its a really good one, babydoll." Adam gives Javi's hand a squeeze, smiling across the table. "And its fucking beautiful to see, to watch you become more comfortable with yourself, gain confidence. And you know I'll keep doing everything I can to make you believe."

"I know you will. I already see and believe things that I don't think I would have without you." Lacing their fingers together, Javi nods. "I love you."

A silence falls over them. A content, comfortable silence as they finish their dinner.

Javi grabs his camera after clearing their dinner away, joining Adam back on the balcony. He loves getting candids of Adam, when Adams just relaxed and happy, not trying to impress the camera. The night skyline of Paris also makes a great backdrop.

"So, I've been thinking-" Javi says, fingers fumbling as he messes with setting on the camera and Adam reaches for Javi's hand, tugging him closer as Adam leans against the railing. "I- um, I-"

"Put this down," Adam gestures to the camera, "Not that I don't love seeing you with it, I love watching you rediscover something you love." Chuckling, Adam presses a kiss to Javi's forehead as Javi let's the camera drop, hanging around his neck. "Now, deep breaths, and tell me what it is. Its just me, the nerves are unnecessary."

"I know they are, I just have a hard time talking about certain things."

"You can talk to me about anything, you know that."

Nodding, Javi takes a deep breath, trying to settle his nerves as he rests his hands on Adams chest. "I know." Javi says, "Just- I- fuck. You know how I mentioned the therapist giving ideas- things I could try on my own, to help me when I try to bottom with you?"

"I remember you mentioning something, yeah." Adam says, fingers trailing over Javi's sides. "Have you given them a try? Is it helping?"

"I've tried- a lot. And succeeded a lot." His cheeks heat up, skin down to his chest flushing bright red. "This is so weird to talk about."

"Those nights you've been taking on your own?" Adam raises an eyebrow, he's noticed Javi retreating to his own room at least once a week. Not a complaint, Adams happy to give him his space. "It shouldn't be weird. We're both adults here, these are normal things to talk about in a relationship."

"Yeah, those nights." Javi scrunches his face and shakes his head. "Are you sure? Cause this has never been a normal thing for me. Jason-"

"Wouldn't have given it a second thought or cared what you wanted." Adam says. "I'm positive, healthy relationships function differently. Talking about this is completely normal, sharing wants, fantasies, likes and dislikes, its how we make sure we're both comfortable with what's happening and how things are going." Nodding, Adam rests his arms over Javi's shoulders. "So, are you gonna share what you've been doing on your own?"

"I, um, I was, but, I, uh-"

"Deep breaths." Adam chuckles as Javi stammers and stumbles over his words. "Want me to break the ice?" Javi raises an eyebrow, nodding. "Okay. So, last night I ran my self a bath,lit some candles. Took things slow, no rush, just slow build of foreplay and teasing all the while imagining that gorgeous mouth of yours on my dick, your fingers buried deep inside me. It was so good."

"Jesus Christ, that's what I missed leaving you alone last night?" Javi licks his lips, gaze meeting Adams. "I guess I'm suppose to share now?" Encircling Adams waist with his arms, Javi chews his lower lip. "She suggested, um, trying- trying with- with toys. Something more than fingers because clearly I've had no issues with that."

"Oh? And you have been?"

"Yeah." Javi says, "And its been fantastic. And I want more, I want you, I want the real thing. But I might still be worried it'll freak me out the second I'm not in control anymore." Sighing, Javi's gaze meets Adams again. "But I trust you, and I want to. I want to try again."

"Tonight? Right now?" Adam says, and Javi nods in response. "Are you sure?" Another nod and Adams backing Javi inside, toeing off his shoes and slipping his jacket from his shoulders.

"Someone's eager." Javi chuckles, lifting his camera from around his neck, setting it with his things while Adam slides the patio doors closed. "And I'm sure, babe. Absolutely positive."

"Sorry." Adam laughs at himself, grabbing supplies from his bag.

Javi toes his shoes off, shaking his head as he pulls the sweater off, his gaze meeting Adams when he joins him at the end of the bed. "Don't be. I love that you're excited. I'm sorry it took me so long to try again."

"Don't be. I'll wait as long as you need me to. And I mean, we haven't done without. There's been some fantastic sex between now and then." Adam tosses the condom and bottle of lube on the bed, his attention back on Javi as he cups his cheeks. "Still nervous?" He murmurs, hands dropping to Javi's shoulders and sliding down, unbuttoning Javi shirt as he presses their lips together.

"Yeah a little." Javi murmurs, words muffled again the kiss. He let's his shirt drop when its unbuttoned, breaking the kiss to pull Adams shirt over his head. "Can I be on top?"

Adam raises an eyebrow. "I thought you wanted-"

"No, I do, but just if I can-"

"Oh. I got it." Adams working Javi zipper and button on his pants. "You want to ride me, so you'll have more control of what's going on." Nipping Javi's lower lip, Adam pushes Javi's jeans and briefs down, letting them fall. "Yeah, thats- we can do it that way."

Javi nods, his fingers fumbling as he undoes Adams jeans, pushing them down with his briefs. Closing their lips together again, tongue tracing over Adams lower lip, Adam turns them, lowering Javi onto the bed.

Javi breaks the kiss to scoot back against the pillows. Spreading himself out and reaching for Adam, trying to tug him over himself. Adam pauses though, taking it in as his gaze trails over Javi spread out in their bed. "Fuck, baby. So beautiful. Its perfect." Adam purrs, crawling over Javi, and grinding his hips down when Javi's legs wrap around his waist.

"You're crazy. There's nothing more perfect than you." Javi whispers, fingers hooking around Adams neck to pull him down. The kiss is brief, Adam closing instead to kiss down Javi's jaw, sucking at sensitive spots on his neck.

"Crazy about you." Adam murmurs, muffled against Javi's skin. Kissing down Javi's chest, mouth closing over a nipple and tongue flicking against it. "How do you want it, baby? Just fingers, or-"

"So cheesy." Javi moans his back arching, "Fingers, yeah." He says, Adam paying the same attention to the second nipple. "And- we can switch? Cause I think I'll be easier for me to start on too, but I want- I want you to make love to me."

"Of course, we can try as many positions as you want. Just tell me when you're ready to switch." Adam shifts, adjusting Javi's legs on his waist. "Roll with me."

Javi chuckles, nodding. "I don't think we're getting too adventurous tonight." He says, rolling with Adam and adjust himself on top of Adam. He reaches for the condom and bottle of lube, condom resting on Adams chest as he takes Adams hand. "I can tell you when we can switch though." Chewing his lower lip, he flips the cap open, pouring lube over Adams fingers.

"Still okay?" Adam asks as he smears the lube over his fingers, sliding a finger between Javi's cheeks when Javi lifts up. He's on his knees above Adams lap. Adams finger brushes Javi's hole,

"Yeah. You don't have to keep asking though, I'll say if I'm not okay." Javi murmurs, his hips rolling down as Adam slips a fingertip inside him. "You know I can take more than that, Adam, don't tease."

"Oh? Can you?" Adam smirks, slipping the finger in to the last knuckle. Thrusting his wrist a few times, slipping a second finger in alongside the first as he presses back in. He's curling them forward, pressing against that magic spot. "How much more, baby? Gonna be able to take my giant cock?"

Javi's back arches on a moan, nodding as he leans forward, supporting himself with his hands on his chest. "Yes, fuck- yes, Adam, need you in me, stretching me open."

"Yeah? I want that to, so bad, baby." Adam purrs, scissoring his fingers and taking his time, a third finger slipping in with the first two. His fingers curl, pressing against Javi's prostate each time he presses into him.

"Adam- Adam, stop. Stop." Javi moans, orgasm building low in his belly as he lifts up, trying topull off Adams fingers. He reaches down to give his balls a tug, prevent them from drawing up against his body. "Please. I want you in me when I come."

Adam starts to ask if he did something wrong, but snaps his mouth shut. The way Javi's things quiver, muscles visibly trembling a dead give away to what's going on. "Did you really just almost come?" He asks, pulling his fingers free.

"Si." Javi nods, panting, he grabs the condom, tearing it open and rolling it onto Adams aching cock. He drips more lube over the length, stroking a few times to coat Adams dick. Half lidded gaze locked on Adams, Javi grips the base to hold Adam steady, his head tilting back on a moan as he lowers himself, the head penetrating the ring of muscles. "Fuck."

"Could keep you like that all night, right on the edge." Adam brings his hands to Javi's hips, resting there for support rather than to guide Javi. "Slow, babydoll."

"Always come so hard when you do that." Javi pants, lowering down another inch. "Jesus Christ, you're gonna split me in half. Fuck."

"You're not even half way, babe." Adam moans, and it takes every ounce of his will power to keep from bucking his hips up into Javi. He shifts, bending his knees, feet flat on the mattress, something for Javi to lean on or reach for if he needs.

"I know." Javi murmurs, and he takes his time, taking an inch at a time as he lowers and pauses, letting his body adjust. Until Adams about half way in and Javi slips. Taking more than he meant. Moaning, Adam brushing that magic spot, Javi doesn't have a chance to notice the discomfort of too much too fast and lowers down the rest of the way, flush in Adams lap.

"Oh, fuck, baby. Gonna have-"

"To give you a second? Yeah I know." Javi murmurs, his back arching as he leans back against Adams knees. His hand trails down, fingers tracing where Adams entering his body, stretching him wide. "So big, babe. So fucking full." He murmurs, circling his hips, small movements.

"Yeah, come on, Javi. Ride me, baby." Adam moans, hips bucking up and that's all the encouragement Javi needs. He leans forward, hands on Adams chest again for support as he lifts up half way and lower back down.

"God, that's so good." Javi moans, lifting further each time, and setting a steady rhythm. Adams eye glance from Javi's face to where he's disappearing inside Javi's body and back. "Can we switch? Want you to-"

"Yeah," Adam moans, pulling Javi close against his chest and rolls them. He forearms end up under Javi's shoulders. Not on purpose but it works. And he shifts to get his knees under him for some leverage. One hand under hands head and tangling in his curls. He closes their mouths togethein a heated kiss, Javi sucking Adams tongue into his mouth. Javi wraps his legs high around Adams waist as Adam grinds into him, slow and deep.

"More, Adam, please." Javi purrs, and Adam nips at Javi's lower lip before nodding as he pulls back. He has to adjust his hips as he starts to pull out, push back in. Matching the pace Javi set before. Another shift of his hips has Javi moaning and his back arching as his nails dig into Adams back. "Yes. God, yes. Right- right there. Adam- Harder- please."

Pulling back to catch Javi's gaze, Fuck, baby. You're so good, Javi." He breaths, his hips thrusting harder and doing his best to keep the angle. Javi's hand pumping his cock in time with Adams thrusts, and neither man able to form words any longer. The occasional curse mixed with moans of pleasure. "Come for me, baby, I know you're close."

Adams voice low and purring on his ear is enough to send Javi over the edge, his back arching. His body trembling with the pleasure, panting as little moans of Adams name leave his lips.

"Yeah, want to feel it. Fuck-" Adams rhythm falters as Javi's muscles contract around him. A few more thrusts and Adam gasps, jaw going slack as the blinding pleasure hits him. A gfew more erratic thrusts before pulling out and collapsing next to Javi.

Javi startles, still catching his breath as a warm cloth is cleaning the mess. "Sorry." Adam murmurs, Javi blinking his eyes open as Adam kisses his forehead. "Should have warned you."

Javi furrows his brows, unsure how long he was laying there or when Adam got up. He chuckles, shaking his head. "Its okay. I'm fine."

Tossing the wash cloth aside, both cleaned up as well as they can without a shower, Adam crawls back in bed. Pulling the sheets over them, pressing a kiss to the top of Javi's head. "Sure? We can talk if you need-"

"No." Javi shakes his head. "I feel great right now. I don't need to talk about it, I'm just tired and want to enjoy the moment." Shifting, Javi snuggles close and buries his face in Adams chest, inhaling the scent of Adam.

"Sorry, just have to make sure. I love you." Adam traces his fingers along Javi's spine. "Sleep, beautiful."

"Don't be. I love that you care enough to make sure, even if it is sometimes unnecessary and a little annoying." Javi chuckles, pressing a kiss to Adams shoulder. "You don't need to worry though, I'll let you know if something's wrong. I love you, Unicorn."

"I do worry though, can't help it." Adam whispers, tightening his hold on Javi. He chuckles, the change in Javi's breathing and light snores tell him Javi crashed out and Adam snuggles in and let's himself drift to sleep, too.

•••

Adam groans as he rolls over, stretching out. Blinking his eyes open and glancing next to him, no Javi. Frowning, he sits up.

"Over here, sleeping beauty." Javi grins at Adam from where he's sitting. Set up at the table with his tablet. "Hey," stopping Adam as he begins together out of bed, "I set your robe by the bed, babe."

"Tired of my naked ass already?" Adam murmurs with a yawn as he gets up and pulls the robe on.

"Not at all. For my eyes only though."

Adams raising an eyebrow, confused and opens his mouth to say so but. "Adam, you should join us now that you're up."

Right, Javi's on a call. With his therapist. Adam chuckles, nodding. "Sure thing, gimme two minutes."

Taking care of his business in the bathroom, Adam is next to Javi pulling a chair over. He places a kiss to Javi's forehead, a hand on Javi's knee. "Everything okay? Are we good?"

"Mhmm. Everything's perfect. We're perfect."

"Then-"

Javi chuckles, "I'm fine. Stop worrying. This was already scheduled."

"Adam, how are you? Javi was just about to tell me about last night, and how he feels about it."

Adam turns to the screen after stealing another glance with Javi. "Not sure I'm fully awake, honestly but otherwise I'm fantastic. And was he? I'd love to hear that too." His head back toward Javi.

"Thought you might, and since you woke up just in time, maybe you can share with him how you feel about it after."

"Of course, I'm not sure I can really put it in words but I'll try."

•••

"Hey," Adams bouncing, rocking back and forth on his feet. How does he have so much energy after such a long flight and a two hour show? Javi will never know. "Let's go down to the beach."

"We're here for a while, its late. We can go crash the beach tomorrow. Aren't you tired?" Javi raises an eyebrow, stepping closer and resting his hands on Adam's chest.

"I am, but I'm still- the show. I don't think I can sleep yet." Adam cups Javi's cheeks, pressing a kiss to his forehead. "And you, on the beach, in the moonlight, sounds fantastic. Bring your camera."

"What? Wh-"

"Just grab it and come on." Adam chuckles, tugging Javi toward the door. Javi just able to grab the camera on the way out.

"Your dragging me down to some random Australian beach in the middle of the night with a camera. What are you up to?" Javi furrows his brows, following along to the elevator. He chuckles when Adam pulls him close once inside, his forehead bumping Adams. Both rubbing the spot. "Oh my god, would you chill."

"I should, sorry." But Adams laughing, hand on Javi's cheek. "Sorry."

"I'm fine. Now what are you up to?"

"Maybe I want nudes on the beach." Adam jokes, wiggling his eyebrows.

"Of you? Mm. I could get on board with that." Javi smirks, stealing a quick kiss.

"No, not of me. No one wants to see that." Adam shakes his head, tugging Javi along again when the elevator dings and the doors slide open.

"Oh trust me, I think everyone would want to see that. But it would be for me only, I don't share." Javi nods, "but if not you, you must mean me. And you are insane if you're serious, never happening."

"I was teasing mostly, but I wouldn't say no if you agreed." Adam says, sand crunching between their toes as they cross the beach. "But seriously, just relax. Enjoy the moment, yeah? You, me, the ocean, the moonlight. Maybe I can talk you into getting in the water, maybe some underwear pictures." He winks with a smirk as he pulls Javi close near the shore.

"You know, I'm not actually saying no to any of that but we'll see what happens." Javi chuckles, arms encircling Adams waist.

"No? Not even the underwear?"

"Not even that part, but only for you. But we'll see, stripping down for the camera sounds so awkward." Javi cringes, stepping back from Adam to take the camera from its case, attaching lenses and changing settings.

"Not possible for you to be awkward, babydoll."

•••

Both boys stripped to their briefs and sand sticking everywhere. "I cant believe you pulled me n the water fully clothed."

Adam chuckles, Javi laying on his belly in the sand and Adam snapping pictures. "If I warned you and told you to strip first, would you?"

"Well, no. Probably not." Javi shifts to his knees, back to Adam. The tide is coming up over his thighs as he looks over his shoulder at Adam. "But you got your underwear pictures this way and there's so many good ones of you."

"That no one will ever see."

"Except for me." Javi's posing, playing innocent as he hooks his thumb in the waistband of his briefs. He finds he enjoys teasing Adam, and how comfortable he is with Adam. Tugging the briefs, cheek and crack exposed. Holding the innocent sex eyes he's giving Adam over his shoulder lasts only so long before he cracks a grin. "Might wanna wipe the drool from your chin, Unicorn."

"I'm hanging those in my house. You're so beautiful." Adam murmurs, moving closer.

"You want to hang my bare ass in your house? For anyone who comes over to see?" Javi raises and eyebrow, shaking his head. "I don't think so."

"Mm. No. In my bedroom, where I'll be the only one to see them. And maybe you when you're over." Adam nods, fingers brushing through Javi's wet curls. "Should give that modelling thing some more thought, you're a natural."

"I can live with that then." Javi nods, shifting. He turns to push Adam back in the sand, straddling his waist. "I have, but that industry scares me."

"The world should be able to see how gorgeous you are." Adams hands go to Javi's hips, raising an eyebrow. "Why does it scare you?"

Javi chuckles, "Thanks to you and instagram, I think the world sees plenty of me." Shaking his head, Javi leans over, stretching himself out on top Adam. "Because its competitive, and I'm not the most confident person as it is right now. I've had a lifetime worth of having every little flaw picked apart, being told I'm gross, garbage, too fat, too skinny, whatever he could come up with that day. I'm not sure I can, or want to put myself in that environment again. And I definitely don't want to end up working anywhere near him."

"See, you're smarter than me. I didn't even think about that side of it." Adam runs his hands along Javi's sides, "it's good that you have though, even better that you recognize those could be triggers and problems for you. You've come a long way these last months, babydoll, and I'm so fucking proud."

"As much as I do want to, its on hold right now. But if I ever feel comfortable enough with it, you'll be the first to know. And you better be right there cheering me on." Javi steals a kiss before sitting up on Adams thighs.

"I'll be there cheering no matter what you do, babe." Adam nods, "we should go back up to the room, try to scrub all the sand away. I'm all outta energy."

Javi nods, pushing to his feet and offering a hand to help adam. "I don't know how you had any left to start with." He says, collecting their things, starting to pull his wet jeans on. "Oh my god, this is gross and impossible though. Who thought it was a good idea to undress and have put wet clothes back on?"

"That was actually all you, goof."

•••


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Working on editing the last few parts of this one 😞 so there's only a couple chapters left after this. Sooo I'll have to come up with something new... Or add in some in between parts with this one lol. Leave some idea for new stories in the comments if you have them! 
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

Adams bouncing like an excited child. The holidays came up quick. And he's happy for time off and quality time getting to know the rest of Javi's family. 

"Adam, Javi. We've been waiting for you boys." Javi's mother greeting them both with hugs and pulling them inside. 

"Hi, mom." Adam greets with a grin, chatter and laughter coming from the living room. 

"Um. Adam-" 

Adam turns to look at Javi, he's pale, tense, and trembling. Javi's mother rambling, but Adams not really listening as they drop their bags by the door. "-Jason was just telling us what he's been up to, come on." 

"What?" Adam pauses, Javi's reaction makes sense now. She's leading them past the entryway, into the living room. "What the fuck do you think you're doing? Why are you here?" 

"Oh. Javier, I'm sorry. I didn't think, I should have known Jason might make things uncomfortable for you and Adam."

"Mom, don't. That's not it, and its not your fault." 

"Adam, Javi. How're you? Didn't know you'd be here." Jason puts on a friendly greeting. 

"Bullshit!" Reacting on instinct. Instinct to protect Javi. Adam has Jason by the collar of his shirt, jerking him up from the arm chair backing him from the room. "You shouldn't be here. Or anywhere near Javi." 

"Jealous much? You won dude. You stole him away, got him under your control. I was just in town, thought I'd say hi. They were like family to me for a lot of years, you know."

"Adam." Javi reaches for him with a trembling hand, taking deep gasping breaths. "Adam- don't-" 

"Yeah, is that why you kept Javi from them? Isolated him from everyone?" Adams focus doesn't change, his jaw clenching tight as Jason's back hits the door and Adam pins him there. "Why are you really here? Why do you have to keep showing up when he's finally doing better?" 

"What's this about?" Erica is glancing from Adam, to Javi, to everyone else. Javi can't get words out to answer, Adam not registering the question. 

"Look, I don't know what he's told you, but its all lies. I've never touched him, never kept him from anything." 

"Really?!" His grip tightens on Jason's collar, pressing him harder into the door. "Your bullshit might work on them, but they haven't seen Javi like I have. They didn't see the bruises littering his body, around his fucking neck-" 

"Adam- please-" Javi gets a hand on Adams arm, and it grabs Adams focus. "He's not worth it. Adam." Adams face softens, Javi needs him, Javi needs him and his focus was on Jason. Javi's fighting against his sisters hold on him. She's trying to keep him out of the middle of the two men. 

"You have to let him go, Erica. You'll just make it worse." Letting go of Jason, Adam steps back, Javi's brother there, ready to step between the men. "Stay the fuck away from Javi." Erica let's go of Javi as Adam said. And Adam waits for Javi to come to him, arms encircling Javi when he does. "I'm sorry, baby. I'm okay, you're okay." 

"Look, I don't know what's going on, but I think we all need to cool down. Jason, its probably best you leave-" Javi's brother, trying to settle the situation. 

"I'm out. I'm not gonna take this when I've done nothing to either of them." Jason's grabbing his coat, stomping out the door. 

"Javi, honey, are you okay?" 

"Shit. I'm sorry. I didn't- I shouldn't have-" He shouldn't have reacted that way, he should control himself better. Shaking his head, "He's not right now, but he will be. If- if you could just point me in the direction of our room, I think he might need a minute to pull himself together." Adam says, hands rubbing soothing circles over Javi's back. 

"Of course. Just upstairs, first door on the left is Javier's old room." 

"Thanks. We'll be back, I'll meet everyone properly. Sorry again for- I don't even know what that was." Adam guides Javi to the stairs, and up to the room. 

•••

Sitting them both on the bed, Javi climbs into Adams lap, straddling him. His breathing back to normal by then, Adam cupping Javi's cheeks. "I don't know what he thinks he's doing, but he's gone now. He can't hurt you. I'm sorry I snapped like that."

"I'm okay." Javi nods, taking a deep breath. He leans in, closing his mouth over Adams and tangling his fingers in his hair. "Was kinda hot anyway. Was just afraid he'd do something- didn't want you getting hurt." He murmurs into the kiss. 

"He could try. He wouldn't make it far though." Adam says, pulling back, his gaze meeting Javi's. "I guess I made a real nice first impression on your dad and brother though, huh?" Javi's hips grind down against Adams. "What're you doing, babydoll?" 

"You're protecting me, they'll understand." Javi murmurs, mouth closing over Adams again. "Told you it was hot, and isn't comfort sex like a thing? Just- I want you. Please, its just this sudden craving, and I need you. Now." 

"If you're-" Adam stopped, no. Asking if Javi's sure is a bad idea, something he's working on doing less. "We don't- our bags are downstairs." 

Pulling back, Javi glanced around the room, scanning for something they could use as lube. "Oh!" He remembers, "do you still have those condoms in your pocket?" 

Raising an eyebrow, "do I? The lubed ones?" Adam shifts to search his pocket, laughing as he pulls the item free. "Why did I have these?" 

"The other night after your show, someone was handing them out." Javi murmured, moving off Adam to remove his pants and briefs. Back in Adams lap, he's undoing Adams jeans, pulling the flaps apart. He pushes Adams briefs out of the way, pulling Adams dick free. 

"This- fuck, baby." Adam whispers, hips bucking up into Javi's hand. "It has to be quick, and you have to be quiet. And this won't be as much lube as you're use to."  

"Don't care." 

"Then here, put this on me." Adam murmured, opening the condom wrapper. Using the excess lube from the package, Adam coated his fingers best he could. Finding Javi's entrance, he pushes two fingers past the tight ring of muscles. He closes his mouth over Javi's mouth, swallowing the moan that escaped. "Shhh. Quiet, babydoll."

•••

Javi's pants back on, Adam still zipping his as the bedroom door opens and Erica appears. Both boys collapsing in laughing fits on the bed. 

"What are you-" 

"If you had walked in even thirty seconds earlier, oh my god." Javi pants between laughter, that was so close. 

"That would have been an eye full." Adam adds and Erica furrows her eyebrows, shaking her head. 

"Oh, ew." 

"Sorry. I'm making like the worst impression this visit." 

"Or just scarring children for life with that image of their brother." 

"Oh shut up and don't be so dramatic." Javi grabs a pillow to toss her way. "Knock next time. What did you want?" 

"Dad and Carlos still haven't really met Adam, and Mom sent me to make sure you're okay. But I see, you're apparently just fine." 

Javi shook his head. "I'm okay now, sorry if we worried anyone. We'll explain, after dinner yeah? Smells like mama's got something good on." 

"Yeah, it'll be done soon. Whenever you're ready to come down. And Adam?" Adam lifts his head to acknowledge her. "No ones upset with you, we know you must have a good reason for going after Jason like that." 

"I should have controlled myself better and been paying more attention to your brother here." Adam smiled as he glanced to Javi. "I'm glad no ones upset, but I know you have questions so we'll be down soon and if Javi wants to talk about it-" 

"Its okay. We can wait." 

Erica leaves and Adam rolls to his side, facing Javi. "My god, I'm an idiot. What was I thinking mauling you like that without locking the door?" 

"I don't know." Adam laughs, carding his fingers through Javi's hair. "You're okay now, though? I'm sorry by the way, I know they heard what I said to him about the bruises, they'll have questions. I shouldn't have- you shouldn't have to tell them if you're not ready." 

"Wanna know a secret?" Adam nods. "I was gonna tell them while we're here anyway. It just might happen a little sooner than I planned." Javi cups Adams cheek. "But yeah, I'm fantastic now. That might be my new favorite way to cope. I'm just exhausted." 

"Were you gonna let me in the loop on that?" Adam raises an eyebrow. "That was new, but I'm not complaining. Bonus if it helps." 

"I don't know what came over me. It was just this sudden need to be close as possible, and even more connected, and just- fuck, I needed you in me like yesterday." Blushing, Javi chews his lower lip. 

"I don't know either, but anytime. Just lock the door next time." Adam teases, "Your sister-" laughing, "oh my god if she came in any sooner, she would have seen nothing but your ass full of dick." 

"I'm not sure its that funny." But Javi's laughing, too, leaning up to kiss Adam. "I love you. Let's go down, see what she told them we were up to." 

•••

Adam didn't even make it down the last step before someone's pouncing on him. A young girl, had to be about Javi's age, screeching in his ear as she did so. 

"Oh my god, what?" Adam stumbles, catching his balance again. 

"I didn't even know you were here." Javi's laughing, a hand on Adams shoulder as the girl jumps down. 

"Well, if you weren't so busy screwing your new man, you might know what's going on down here." 

"What?" Javi blushes bright red. "Erica, you told?!" He calls to his sister. 

"Oh my god, I was kidding. I didn't- well now I know you actually were. Don't blame you, wish he was into girls so I could have a piece myself." 

"Hush you-" 

"Is someone gonna introduce me? I mean your blushing is adorable and all, babe, and I'm glad the mood is much better but- should I know this one?" Adam gestures to the girl. 

"Oh. Sorry." Javi laughs, nodding. "This is Sophia, met her first day of school after we moved to Colorado from Spain, and she hasn't left my side since. Like, seriously, sometimes I was sure she had just moved in." 

"Sometimes, I'm still not sure she hasn't." Erica says, walking past them up the stairs. 

"Yeah, apparently she still doesn't leave." Javi shrugs. 

"Well, you'd know more about that if you'd been home anytime in the last few years. I feel like I haven't seen you in so long, and I miss my best friend." Sophia says, pulling Javi into a hug, and turning to Adam. "I have heard plenty about you, though, Adam. Its great to finally meet you." This time, Adams able to hug her back, not so caught off guard. "By the way, Javi? Major upgrade from Jason. Does he have a less gay brother?" 

Adam laughs, nodding. "I do actually, taken though." 

"And ugh, you don't even know just how true that comment of him being an upgrade is." Javi shudders,the idea of Jason, of the questions that would come, that he would have to explain. 

Adam places a kiss to Javi's temple, pulling him close. "I've yet to properly meet dad or Carlos, and I'm dying of starvation, so could we check how dinners coming along?" 

Javi laughs, "you are such a Queen. But yes, we can check." 

"How was the trip?" Sophia asks as they head to the kitchen. "Wait, you've been here and haven't met half the house? How?" 

"Trip was good. It was no private jet, but it wasn't bad." 

"Oh, now who's the Queen? Spoiled already. That's a Queen thing, by the way. Don't get too use to travelling that way." Adam shrugs, glancing to Sophia. "Uh, bit of a long story. We'll um, well- when Javi's ready to talk about it."  

•••

Adam eats way too much, something he'll kick himself for later. But the foods delicious, and the company even better. He fits right in, and he instantly feels like part of the family. They dodge questions about the incident with Jason, telling they'll answer after dinner, that Javi has things to share. 

"Where'd Javi disappear to?" Adam asks coming back downstairs, Javi no where in sight. 

"He's out back with Sophia." Carlos answers and stops Adam before he can get too far away. "Hey, is he alright? He seems happy, much happier than I've seen him in a while. But is he really? Is something going on?" 

Adam smiles and nods, "he has things to tell you that are his to tell, not mine. But, yeah, I think he's happier than he has been, and he's working through everything. He's okay right now." 

"We're not going to like what he has to tell, are we?" 

"Probably not. But, he needs to get it off his chest, and he'll need everyone's support. Don't push for details, just take whatever he offers. It has to be on his time." 

"Drink?" Carlos nods, holding up his glass. "And thanks, Adam. Seems you've been there for him when he really needed someone." 

"I- actually, I might really need that. Pour me one for when I come back in." Adam nods, "and of course, I wasn't going to let him stay where he was."smiling, Adam heads to the back door. 

Stepping out, Adam has an eyebrow raised. "Since when do you smoke?" Adam asks, taking the two steps to the empty patio chair. 

"I don't, Sophia's a bad influence." Taking another long drag from his cigarette, he shrugs. "Okay so, I use to. I haven't in a few years, probably the only good thing he did for me. Does it bother you? I'm sorry, I just needed something to-" 

"-Calm you down." Adam stops him, laughing at Javi's nervous ramble. "Don't apologize, babe. Doesn't bother me. I wish you wouldn't, but if it helps, that's your thing." He shivers, a gust of cool air blowing across them and he pulls the thin long sleeve shirt tighter against himself. 

"It's a one time thing, promise. I'd rather get high, honestly but then I might not focus well so-" Javi raised an eyebrow at Adam, "okay, Unicorn. I know you're a Cali boy, but this is December in Colorado, where is your coat?" 

"I wasn't planning on coming out, so didn't think to grab it. Had to come see what you were up to, though." 

"Because you had to check in on me." Javi smiles shifting to nudge Sophia from his lap as he puts the cigarette out. She's paying them no mind but she moves so Javi can get up, "Come on you, inside." 

"Yes, Mother." Adam teases with a laugh, letting Javi help him to his feet. 

"Sophia?" Javi waits for her to look toward him, "I need you in, too. If I'm doing this, I don't want to do it twice." 

"Yeah, just a minute."

Nodding, Javi pulls Adam inside, pausing to slip his coat off and hang it over a chair in the kitchen. "I don't know if I'm ready for this." Javi says, turning to wrap his arms around Adam, pressing close to snare body heat. 

"You don't have to. Doesn't have to be tonight, or at all." Adams arms encircle Javi's waist, placing a kiss to Javi's lips. "I love you. And I'm here, whatever you decide." 

"I want to. And I'd rather get it over with, especially now they have questions." Javi nods, chasing after that kiss. Nipping Adams lower lip, he licks into Adams mouth, exploring. His hands coming to the sides of Adams face. 

"Oh, gross. I don't need to see that." Sophia, sliding the patio door closed, mock disgust on her face. 

Both laughing as they break apart, "Oh hush. We're not doing anything indecent." Adam steals another kiss, hands on Javi's hips. "Ready for this?" 

"As ready as I'll ever be."

•••

Everyone in the living room, Javi on Adams lap in the arm chair. "I- there's- oh my god, I don't know how to do this." Javi sighs, turning to Adam for help. 

"Oh my god, you guys eloped?!" 

Adam glares, shaking his head. "I know you're joking, but no, Sophia. That would be much easier to talk about. This isn't- it's not something to joke about, and Javi has a hard time with it, so, we need to let him." He glances to Javi again, slipping a hand under Javi's shirt on his lower back. "So, remember those questions you had at dinner? About what happened earlier? Now'd be the time to ask them." 

"Wait, what happened earlier?" 

"Jason happened." Javi shrugs, reaching for the drink in Adams hand. The glass of tequila. Downing it in one go while Adam raises an eyebrow. "Jason always happens." 

"Babe, you-" 

"I'm okay, Adam. Refill this for him, Carlos." Javi holds the glass out, watching as the liquid pours into it, handing it back to Adam. 

"I'm still- what happened earlier?" 

Adam laughs, Sophia's eyebrows scrunched as she tries to figure it out. "Jason was here, and to keep it short, I kinda couldn't keep cool about it." Adam shrugs. 

"Adam, what he said earlier- that you stole Javi from him and have him under your control-"

Adam stops Carlos, shaking his head. "Think about the last time you seen your brother compared to now, and who might be, or was, controlling him?" 

"Shit. I- why wouldn't we notice that?" 

"Don't blame yourself. Javi had to see it and decide to get away from it himself." 

"But you said something to Jason about- about bruises?" 

"We'll get to that part. I think Javi should start from the beginning, as much or as little as he wants to share." Adam nods, glancing to Javi. "You can do it, babydoll. You only have to tell as much as you want. You've done it with me, and in our sessions. This is the same thing." 

"Yeah, sorry. I- just- I'm trying to figure out where to start." Javi sniffles, giving Adam a smile as he reaches to wipe his eyes. "I just don't want anyone to think of me differently, or- fuck. I'm just ashamed I stayed and let it go on so long."

"No ones going to think of you differently, or think any less of you, Javi." Carlos sighs, "I'm gathering this has to do with Jason? I think we all are? He wasn't very good to you, was he?" 

"No, he wasn't." Javi takes a shaky breath, gaze cast down at his lap as he fidgets, picking at his fingernails. "It wasn't so bad at first, it was just- I could handle the name calling and put downs." Sighing, Javi trying to keep it together, hold back tears. "The first time he hit me, it was so out of nowhere, and it was a long while before it happened again. I just- it was my fault, right? I made him angry and if I just didn't do that, if I just did what he wanted, it wouldn't happen." 

Adam slips a hand in Javi's, squeezing as he laces their fingers together. "You're doing so good, babydoll." 

"Javi, that wasn't your fault. It shouldn't that's never okay." 

"I know, Mama. At least, I do now. I was just a kid, how was I suppose to know? That's just how relationships were for all I knew." Javi glances to Adam, chewing his lower lip. "That part still wasn't even the worst of it, I mean, that got pretty bad at times too. And more frequent, the littlest things set him off." Wiping his eyes, he couldn't hold the tears back any longer. "But the sex, that's the worst. He would- and fuck, I'm not even sure which is worse, the nights he'd come home in the middle of the night, climb on top of me, and just take what he wanted, or the nights he drugged me and I have no memory of- no idea what he even did to me." 

"C'mere, Javier." His mother holds her arms out, and Adam nudges Javi to go to her. He does, stumbling as he crosses the room, the alcohol his systems not use to effecting his balance. 

"I wasn't- I applied for the job I got with Adam while he was out of town, I wasn't suppose to. Jason hated the idea, another fight that happened before he left that time." Javi sighs, "I'm really glad I did it anyway, though." 

"I'm glad you did, too." Adam smiles, locking his gaze with Javi as he sips his tequila.

"You got him out of this?" Javi father asks. 

"Not exactly." Adam shakes his head. "That was on Javi. I kinda suspected something was going on, but didn't think it was my place to pry or ask." Sipping his drink again, Adam rubs the bridge of his nose. "I wasn't in the best place myself at the time, but the more time I spent with him, the more I knew him, the more I wanted to know." Taking a deep breath, "he showed up one day, I was rehearsing with Queen, and he had these bruises, dark, horrible bruises, hand shaped, encircling his neck."

"You weren't suppose to see them." 

"I know, I wasn't, babydoll. But I did. And, I just offered him a friend, an out, someone he could trust." Adam nods, "the rest was up to him. And, it took him a couple weeks, but he took it. He called me one morning, Jason had on of his- Javi had no memory of the night before, but I got an eye full of the rest of the bruises when I picked him up. I gave him a place to stay until we went on tour."  

"Thank you, thank you for helping him." Javi father says and Adam nods. 

"He's good to you, Javier? Adam treats you how he should?" 

Javi nods, pulling from his mothers hold. "Si, Mama." He gestures for Adam to come to him. Adam does, pushing to his feet and crossing the room. He kneels in front of where Javi is on the couch. "Adam is great." Cupping Adams cheeks, Javi smiles. "He's kind, and gentle. So patient, and understanding. He makes me feel safe, and loved. He encourages me, he's helped me rediscover myself, and things I enjoy, things I use to do before Jason ruined them. I'm taking pictures again, I told you that right?"

"You did, you sent us some of them." Javi's mother smiles at her son, "that's good. I'm glad Adams given you something to keep busy. He sounds wonderful, Javi." She smiles at Adam, kissing her sons temple. "And we don't think of you differently, baby, we're just glad you had Adam, that you got away. You're strong, and brave, Javier."

"I love you." Adam mouths to Javi, stretching up to kiss the tip of Javi's nose.

"Javi's really okay now? You're taking care of him?" Carlos asks and Adam nods.

"We take it one day at a time, but he's doing a lot better." Adam takes Javi's hands. "He's seeing a therapist, we go together sometimes, she helps us navigate how this should work, she's helped Javi let me know what he needs, and how he feels. We're working through it all together." 

"I'm happier than I've ever been. I'm working on not depending on Adam so much for everything, being more independent, but things are really good right now." Javi nods, he is in a good place now. Even with that incident earlier in the day. Adam gets to his feet, pulling Javi up with him, pulling him into a tight hug. "Adam, I love you, but I have to breathe, Unicorn." 

Adam laughs, loosening his hold a little. "Sorry." He murmurs, kissing the top of Javi's head. Leading him back over to the arm chair and into his lap. 

Everyone has to take in what they shared, there's more questions, which they answer best they can. They fall silent after a little while, no doubt processing all they've heard. Javi's curls against Adam's chest, Adam humming quietly, something that turns into him singing after a while. 

"Gonna put me to sleep." Javi murmurs, sitting up with a yawn. 

"Would that be such a bad thing?" Adam chuckles, hand resting on Javi's back. 

"Not for me, but then you'd have to carry me upstairs." 

"That wouldn't be a problem." Adam shifts, sitting up more, pressing a kiss to Javi's temple. "Come on, babydoll. Long day, we should go get some rest." 

"After a shower." Javi says, standing and offering a hand to help Adam up. 

"Okay, shower, then bed." Adam let's Javi help him up, stretching his arms over his head. "Hate to drop that bomb and run, but we're exhausted." 

Good nights and hugs for everyone before the pair head upstairs and fall into bed after a quick shower.

•••

Adam startles when Javi's arms wrap around him. "Hey, what're you doing up, bsbydoll?"

"Could ask you the same thing, woke up and you weren't-" Javi notices his father on the patio then, "hi, dad. You shouldn't be up either." 

"I know, Javi." 

Adam turns in Javi's arms, kissing his forehead. "Sorry. I didn't want to wake you. Was just having a hard time getting to sleep and staying that way. Kinda ready to give up three dreams in." 

"Dreams?" Javi furrows his eyebrows, "The usual again? Noah?" 

Shaking his head, "No. Not Noah this time, all you, babe. And it seems your dad here had a lot on his mind too and a similar problem. I think we scared each other sneaking out here." Adam chuckles. 

"I'm keeping you guys up? I shouldn't. I'm okay, promise." 

"Wasn't you exactly, but the dreams. I know you're okay. And your dad's just had a lot to process, I made sure he knows you're good. We had a nice chat." Adam nods. 

"About me?" Javi narrows his eyes, noticing the lighter and pipe in Adams hand. "Did you get stoned with my dad?" 

"No, I offered, he turned me down." Adam chuckles, kissing Javi's temple. "Want some? It helps me get to sleep sometimes, that's why I snuck out here." He says, "and yeah, we were talking about you. We just worry about our boy." 

"Gonna tell me what those dreams were about?" Javi asks, taking the items from Adams hands. 

"You. That you were still with him, I didn't get you away soon enough." Adam says, sighing. "Nothing for either of us to be worrying about. Just dreams." 

"Well boys, I'm gonna try and get back to bed. Don't stay out here too long." 

"Goodnight, dad." They say in unison before chuckling, Javi holding the pipe to his mouth as he lights it, inhaling. "He's blaming himself, isn't he?" 

"He's doing that Dad thing, worrying about his kid, wondering if he could have done thing differently to keep you from getting hurt." Adam nods, "so yeah, he's blaming himself. But we had a good chat, think I helped him see its not his fault." 

"How'd you manage that?" 

"I shared some things, my experience blaming myself for Noah, that it didn't solve or change anything." Adam says, shrugging. "Told him it couldn't be changed now and all he could do was be there and support you now." Stepping back from Javi, Adam sighs. "It was nice actually, we talked about Noah. It was good to have someone ask about him, and just be curious, not afraid I'd have a melt down at the mention of him." 

"You've been out here a while then, huh?" Javi yawns, handing Adam the lighter and pipe back. 

"Yeah, I guess longer than I thought." Adam says, taking the items, he reaches for Javi's hand. "You're tired, babydoll, and I think I could sleep now. Let's get back to bed. You should talk to your Dad tomorrow though, have some one on one time." 

"I will, that does sound like a good idea. What about you though?" 

"I'll get on fine on my own, or with the girls." Kissing Javi's temple, he leads them back inside.

•••

 


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Almost the end 😞 sad to let these two go and move on to something else.
> 
> EDIT: Now updated with the correct chapter lol.

For once, Adam wakes first. They crashed hard when they got back to bed, no more dreams, nothing keeping them up. Adam enjoys being up first for a change, too. Watching Javi sleep, he's so beautiful and peaceful, Adam can't believe how lucky he is. 

Careful not to wake Javi as he rolls out of bed, Adam pulls on his sweats. And pads down the hall to the bathroom. He's back in a few short minutes. Javi shifting over, head in Adams lap as Adam settles back in bed. Adam smiling as he cards his fingers through Javi's messy curls, Javi purring and pressing into the touch. 

"'M so tired. W'time is it?" Javi murmurs, Adam not sure he's fully awake. 

Adam chuckles, shaking his head. "No need for you to get up, babydoll. Relax, catch up on that sleep you've been missing." 

"Mm'kay." Javi pulls Adams hand to his lips, placing a kiss to the back of it. Then he's pliant, breathing even. He's out again.

There's a knock on the door, Adam reaching for the sheets to pull them higher on Javi's waist. Making sure no one gets an eye full of Javi's ass as he's about to call to whoever's at the door. Though glad he doesn't have to when the door opens, doesn't have to disturb Javi.

 "G'morning, Mom." Adam smiles when she appears, hand resting on Javi's shoulder and keeping his voice low. 

"Thought I heard movement up here-" spotting her son, still asleep she pauses, lowering her voice. "Oh, I thought he'd be up first. He was always an early riser." 

"Yeah," Adam chuckles, "He usually is. He's had a rough couple days though, and I don't think he's slept well since tour ended. Not that he'd admit it, doesn't want to worry me." 

"Oh." Javi's mother frowns, staring at her son a few long moments. "Let him sleep then, I'm sure he needs it. Hope you slept well?" 

"It was a rough start to it, but yeah, eventually I conked out good." Adam says, "Nothing to do with you guys, I over think and get too much on my mind at times, makes sleep hard to come by." 

"Well, its good you got there eventually." She smiles, "you're welcome to come down and join us for breakfast, or at least some coffee." 

"Thanks, I might do that if sleeping beauty here doesn't join us soon." Adam says, fingers carding through Javi's hair. Javi stirs, a sigh leaving his lips before he snuggles closer and settles again. "Hate when he has such a rough time and won't say." 

"I'm sure he's just had a lot on his mind with all he told us last night." 

"Yeah, that's probably it, he told me he'd been planning to share while we were here anyway, Jason just hurried things along I guess." Adam hopes that's all that's on Javi's mind anyway. 

"See, he's got it all out. He'll be fine." She smiles, nodding. "Now, I'll get out of your hair. Don't be shy if you get bored waiting for him to wake." 

"Me? Shy?" Adam chuckles, "You'll learn those two things don't go together. I'll be down if he doesn't wake soon." 

Adam shifts when Javi's mother leaves, careful as waking Javi is the last thing on his mind. Enjoying the moment, its rare he wakes before Javi and gets to wake to his gorgeous, peaceful face. The only light in the room a small sliver from between the curtains. 

Laying back down, he's on his side, facing Javi. Adam traces his fingers over the shape of Javi's jaw. Hand cupping Javi's cheek as he places a kiss to the tip of his nose. Javi snuggles closer, nuzzling against Adams neck. 

"Why're you up so early?" His words slur with sleep, and muffled against Adams neck.

"Admiring your beauty in the morning light." Adam grins, placing a kiss to the top of Javi's head. "And I could do this all day, babydoll. I don't often wake up first and get to to see your peaceful self like this." 

"You're crazy." 

"About you." Adam chuckles, rubbing a hand down Javi's back. "Didn't mean to wake you, babe. I'm sorry. You seem go have slept better than you have been though. No tossing and turning." 

"Its okay. I should get up anyway. You'll get bored just staring at me sooner or later." Javi places a kiss to Adams shoulder, nodding. "Have I been keeping you up, too? 'M sorry, should kick me outta bed when I get like that. But I did sleep better. Guess I just needed to get it all out, not feel like I'm hiding some huge part of myself from everyone." 

"I could never. And your moms already invited me down for breakfast when I get bored of staring at you anyway." Adam nodded, chuckling. "I couldn't do that, I wouldn't sleep any better without you there. Its okay though, you just worry me when I can tell you've got something bothering you, and you don't say anything. You can talk to me,you know, anytime." 

"I know I can. Sometimes I just don't know exactly what it is bothering me, or how to put it into words." Javi shifts, pressing a kiss to Adams lips. "In that case though, we should go down for breakfast." 

"Mm." Adam hums against Javi's lips, nodding some. "That sounds like a plan. Then you can go have that chat with your dad, and after that, you should call Sophia. You should go out and enjoy yourselves, catch up." 

"But-" 

"No buts, I'll be fine here on my own. I can get to know everyone better." Adam nods, shifting again to press a kiss to Javi's lips. 

"No, Adam. Not without you. Jason's in town, what if-" 

"Stop." Adam sighs, "You're gonna get yourself worked up. We're working on you being dependent on yourself more, right? Because there's a chance I'm not always gonna be right by your side considering the work I do?" Javi takes a deep breath, nodding. "Okay, well this is a good chance to try that out. I doubt Sophia's going to leave you on your own to deal with it, and if anything happens you can't handle on your own, and Sophia's no help, I'm a phone call away, babydoll." 

"Okay. You're right, okay." Javi nods, pulling Adam to him for another kiss. "Sorry. Just- I'm use to you being there now, and you always make things better, the idea of being apart worries me- even just a short distance."

"You don't need to apologize." Adam shifts to get up, grabbing a T-shirt. "I know that's how things have been, that's what you're use to. But I know you'll be fine on your own-"

"What if I'm not?" Javi asks, standing and pulling on his sweats. Stealing one of Adams t-shirts for himself. 

Stepping closer, Adam presses a kiss to Javi's lips. "I told you, you call me." Adam cups Javi's cheeks. "Just go out, try. Go with a positive outlook, be confident in yourself, tell yourself you'll be fine. And, if you get out and there's a problem, you call me. I'll talk you through it, I'll come get you, whatever you need. Or just come home." 

"Okay. I can do that. You promise if I can't- if I need you-" 

"Baby, I promise. Anything, you just have to call me." 

"Okay. A day with her does sound good, its been way too long." Javi smiles, kissing Adam again. "Now, let's get downstairs and I'll give her a call after breakfast, unless she shows up before then."  

"Good. And remember, if you really need me, just call." Taking Javi's hand, Adam leads him from the room and down stairs. The whole way singing Kelly Clarkson's 'Meaning Of Life' at the top of his lungs, Javi grinning the whole time.

Still singing in the kitchen as Javi pours his coffee for him, Adam wraps his arms around Javi from behind. Javi hums along, leaning into Adam. 

Adams trying to get Javi to sing along with him, it turns into a full vocal lesson. Both laughing each time Javi tries and fails to match what Adams doing. 

"You two always like this in the morning?" Erica asks as she comes in the back door.

"Actually, its usually spent in bed with Adam barely able to wake up, purring as I play with his hair." Javi grins, grabbing a piece of bacon as he hands Adam his coffee. 

"I don't pur, you brat." 

"You do, and its adorable." Javi leans up, placing a kiss to Adams lips.

"I much preferred waking up to your face first." Kissing Javi's forehead, he sips his coffee, stepping back as he's back to singing. 

"God, you're obnoxious with your singing sometimes." Javi teases, shaking his head. 

"You're both obnoxious." Erica shakes her head, having been observing the pair. 

"Just in a good mood, feels like a good day." Adam shrugs. 

"Lucky I love you, even when you're being insane." Javi shakes his head, turning to his sister. "Is dad awake?" 

"Outside." 

Nodding, Javi leans up, kissing Adam again. "Get yourself a plate if you want, Unicorn. I'll be back in a minute." He smiles, grabbing his coat on his way out the door.

•••

Adams laughing at something Carlos said, spending his day with Javi's family while Javi has some much needed time with his friend. Its late s he hears the front door open, the pair giggling as they come in. 

Adam turns toward the noise, raising an eyebrow when Javi stumbles on his way over trying to remove his coat at the same time. "Whoa there, careful, babydoll." 

"'M okay." Javi murmurs, tossing the coat aside as he sits in Adams lap. "I missed you, though." 

Adam texted Javi a couple times dung the day to see how things were going, but left him on his own mostly. "I missed you, too. But are you okay? Did something happen?" 

"Nothing happened other than Javi's a total lightweight and then he just sat and pouted, saying he missed you and you weren't even texting him anymore." Sophia teases, leaning over the back of the couch to kiss Javi's cheek, and Adams. "I'm off though, you boys have fun." 

Saying goodbyes, Sophia's out the door and Adam's attention back on Javi. "Could have texted me, goof. Did you have good time?" 

"I did, could have a better time with you though, in our bed-" 

Adam chuckles as Javi shifts to straddle him and he kisses Javi before he can finish whatever he was going to say. "Let's talk about that upstairs." Shifting, Adam nudges Javi to stand, pushing to his feet as well. "G'night, Carlos, seems Javi's ready for bed." 

"I am, and why are you moving so slow?" Javi drags the last word out, arms around Adams neck. "And wearing so many clothes?" 

"How high are you right now? I'm not moving slow, babydoll." Adam chuckles, backing Javi up toward the stairs. 

"Don't know, I just had a brownie."

"Oh, I-"

"Adam." Javi draws the name out, coming out more of a whine. He's unbuttoning Adams shirt, attempting to remove it. "Come on. Take me to bed, get me naked. Want to sit on your face and get your tongue-" 

Adams eyes go wide, Javi not being quiet or subtle at all. He cuts him off with a kiss, to quiet him. "Javi, shh. Tell me upstairs." Carlos is laughing from the couch, and Adam glances that way, shaking his head as he mouths an 'I'm sorry' 

 "Come on then," Javi whines again, tugging Adam up the stairs with him. "Why do you still have clothes on?" He's already removing his clothes as soon as they get to the room. 

"Javi, hey. Slow down, baby, we have all night." Adam says, pushing the door shut and locking it. "Come here, look at me." 

"What?" Javi steps closer, his gaze meeting Adams. "Do you not want me? You can just say so." 

"That's not it. Just- are you okay? Did something happen while you were out? How much did you have to drink? Did you leave drinks unattended?" Adam searching Javi's eyes, hands cupping his cheeks. "Come on, what's going on? Talk to me." 

"Too many questions at once, Unicorn." Javi murmurs, arms around Adams neck. "Only one drink and I kept it with me. And nothing happened, nothings going on. I just wanna have some fun with my boyfriend.

"Okay, yeah." Adam kisses Javi's lips. "Sorry, just have to make sure. I- Just- I'm sorry. I do want you, I want to. I just have to make sure you're not too out of it, or under the influence of something you shouldn't be." 

"Appreciated, but I'm stoned as fuck and a little buzzed from the drink. I know exactly what's going on, babe." 

Adam nods, stepping back to remove his clothes. "Okay. Tell me what it is you wanted then. And promise me one thing?" 

"What's that?" 

"Your parents and sister are sleeping down the hall, and your brother downstairs. You have to keep quiet." 

"I think I can manage that." Javi murmurs, stepping close to Adam again and closing his mouth over a nipple. He flicks his tongue against it, a gentle tug with his teeth as he pulls back. "As for what I want? Told you downstairs. I want to sit on your face, want your tongue in me." 

"Shit. Where is this coming from?" Adam's enjoying it, stepping back toward the bed, he sits and scoots back to the headboard. "Remember, quiet. And is my tongue all we need for this?" He reminds as he adjust himself, sinking down where he's leaning against the headboard. 

"I know." Javi murmurs as he straddles Adams chest. "Yeah, that's all. Want you to make me come with with your tongue." 

"Mm, that won't be a problem, baby." Adam says, adjusting the pillows, making sure they're both comfortable as Javi takes another step toward on his knees. Hovering over Adams face. "Still don't know where this came from, but you should be this forward all the time." 

"Not making any promises." Javi says, bracing his hands against the wall. Adams hands on his hips, Adam leans up, licking Javi's balls, hands sliding to his ass. His fingers sliding along the crack to the tight ring of muscles. Gasping as Adams finger brushes his entrance, pressing against him but not pushing inside. "Adam. Please- your tongue- need your tongue." 

"God, you're fucking sexy like this." Adam purs, his thumbs pulling Javi's cheeks apart, exposing his entrance, giving himself better access. Leaning up, he licks across the tight hole. 

Javi rocks his hips, a low moan escaping. "Fuck, yes." He whispers, biting his lower lip to keep quiet as one hand moves down to wrap around his dick. 

Adam traces the ring of muscles with his tongue, licking and pressing his tongue against them. Javi's breath hitching, and gaspy moans escaping him as he pumps his cock, hips rocking against Adams tongue, against his face. 

"Yes- Adam, fuck, yes-" Javi purrs as adam curls his tongue to a point, pressing past the muscles and into Javi. His tongue thrusts in and out a few times, Javi's legs spreading more. 

Adam moans into it, tongue pulling back and licking at the hole. He licks along Javi's perineum, tongue pressing harder to stimulate his prostate. Happy with the gasp he receives, tongue back on Javi's hole. "Mm, close, baby?" Adam murmurs, thumb sliding along to rub Javi's perineum. Tongue licking at the ring of muscles, varying the pressure and pressing inside every few licks.

"Yes, Adam. Fuck- yes, so fucking close. Don't stop, baby, need- need you to fuck me with your tongue." Javi's hand on his cock speeds up, his hips rocking against Adam's face as his tongue thrusts in and out, Adam pressing as deep as he can each time. 

Adam moans the moment Javi climaxes, his muscles contracting around Adams tongue as he licks him through it. Javi slumps against the wall, breathless and biting his own arm to keep quiet. Adams hands fall from Javi's hips, one going down to wrap around his own hard, aching dick. 

Javi catches his breath, he moves beside Adam, pausing first to close his mouth over Adams in a heated kiss. Moves down, taking the head of Adams cock into his mouth without warning. "Oh fuck," Adams hips buck on reflex, Javi pushing Adams hand out of the way, replacing it with his own. "This won't last long." 

Javi keeps Adams gaze, nodding as he bobs his head, his tongue dipping in the slit and pressing against the frenulum. His hand pumping the shaft. It doesn't take long, and Javi still can't swallow fast enough as Adams cock pulsed and throbs on his tongue, Javi moaning around him. He keeps going until Adam is whimpering, over sensitive and nudging Javi away. Pressing a kiss to the tip, Javi pulls off, nuzzling into Adams hip. 

Adam cards his fingers through Javi's hair, eyes closed as he comes down. "C'mere." He murmurs after several moments, lifting his head. "I have no idea where any of that came from, but I'm not complaining." 

Javi chuckles, shifting as he moves to straddle Adams hips. He's licking his lips, reaching to the nightstand for tissues. "Can't really say where it came from." He says, cleaning himself best he can with the tissue, and Adam reaches up, getting the mess from Javi's chin. "Don't get me wrong, it was a good day, and I had fun. But I kept thinking about you the whole time, and couldn't wait to get back to you. And- just- it was a good end to the day?" 

Adam nods, pulling Javi over him for a kiss. "Anytime, baby. I like that side of you." Running his hands down Javi's back, a happy sigh escaping. "What was with- what came over you with that exact want?" 

"Sitting on your face?" 

"Yeah, that. Your ass probably has beard burn by the way." Adam says, his gaze meeting Javi's. 

"I, um-" Javi chuckles. "I might have seen it in porn, and wanted to try it. And if I do have beard burn, it was so worth it. We can do it again right? Or was it uncomfortable for you?"

"Maybe next time you can face the other way, lean over, suck me off at the same time." Adam nods. 

"That could be arranged." Javi nods and his eyes go wide, flushing bright red. "Oh my god. I so went off about wanting your tongue in me with my brother right there, didn't I?" 

Adam laughs, nodding. "You did. More than once." 

"Oh my god, shut up."

"Make me."

Its a deep, passionate kiss when Javi crashes their lips together and he doesn't pull back until Adam is breathless. "Done!" 

"So not fair." Adam shakes his head, but he's laughing as he rolls them over, pinning Javi down and tickling his sides. 

"No, Adam, please." Javi breathes, deep breaths as he tries to get air between laughing. "Stop, please. Need to breathe." 

"Nope, drama Queen." Adams laughing, not letting up and he squeaks when Javi overpowers him, rolling them and now tickling Adams armpits. "Not fair." 

"You just did the same thing to me, how is it not fair?" Javi says, neither able to catch their breath from laughing too hard. 

They go back and forth, ending up tangling in the sheets as Javi rolls them too far this time. They both land in the floor with a thud, Adam under Javi. "Oh my god, now you're trying to crush me." Adam groans, but they're both still laughing. 

"If you'd chill, you Queen." Javi cracks up again, moving, trying to untangle himself from adam and the sheets. 

"Me?! Who rolled us off the bed?" Adams about to pull Javi down for a kiss when there's a knock at the door. Javi freezes, eyes going to the door. "Just a second." Adam calls, untangling himself enough to move Javi off him. 

"Look what you did, you woke someone up, now we're in trouble." Javi says but he's still laughing while he covers himself with the sheets. 

"Are we teenagers again?" Adam teases, still laughing as he pulls his robe on, opening the door as he's tying it. "Erica, what's up?" 

"Are you two okay? I heard a noise and-" she stops, Adam and Javi laughing again, Erica glancing between them. "Have I missed something?" 

"No," Adam still laughing as he tries to explain. "We're fine, your brother just knocked me outta bed." There's a lot of pauses as he laughs, trying to breathe. "And you just have the worst timing when you come to our room." 

"Oh ew. Did I interrupt-"

"God no, all you interrupted was a tickle fight and Adam being a Queen." Javi teases, moving to stand. "Sorry we woke you." 

"You didn't, I was up. You two might want to quiet down before you do wake someone though." 

"That's all Javi." Adam laughs, catching a pillow Javi tosses his way before it can hit him. "No really, we're settling down." 

"That so was not me, I was as quiet as I promised I'd be until you tried to tickle me to death." Javi says as Adam steps over to him as he stands, stealing a kiss. 

"Tickle fight is seriously what you're calling it now?" 

Adam chuckles and shakes his head, "No. Promise it was a literal tickle fight. But if you want to hear about what we did before that?" 

Erica shakes her head, backing toward the door. "No, I probably don't. I'll just be going back to my room if you two are sure everything's good? Javi, you're okay?" 

Javi nods with a yawn. "I'm fantastic, just really tired." 

"Goodnight, then." 

Adam shuts and locks the door behind her again, dropping his robe so the can climb back into bed. "See what you did, disturbing your family trying to crush me." 

Javi chuckles and shakes his head. "I'm not the one that started the tickling so hush." Adjusting the blankets back on the bed, he climbs in with Adam. "Do you need the extra blanket tonight?" 

"No, I'm okay." Adam made himself comfortable, arms wrapping around Javi. "I love you." 

"I love you. And tomorrow, I'm taking you out." Javi nods, placing a kiss to Adams chest as he nuzzles against him. 

"I like that plan. Goodnight, babydoll."

•••

"Javi, will-" 

"Will I what?" Javi snaps, jerking his arm away from Adam as they enter the house. "I'm going to bed." 

Adam sighs, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "Trouble in paradise?" Sophia's asking, stopping mid sentence while she's talking to Erica. 

She startles Adam, and he shrugs as he shuts the door and removes his coat and boots. "Honestly? I don't know. He's been- I don't even know what to call it, since day after Christmas. If he'd just tell me what happened, or what I did-" It's now new years, and Adam's hoping its the upcoming trip back home, leaving his family, that's getting to Javi. 

"Want me to talk to him?" 

"No, I should- I might have to call for help to get him talking at this point." Adam shakes his head, heading toward the stairs. "Thanks though." 

•••

"What?" Adam isn't even in the room and Javi's snapping at him again. 

"Javi, can we talk?" Adam pushes the door shut, crossing the room, closer to Javi. 

"About what? Cause I have nothing to talk about." Javi turns away, climbing into bed. 

"You don't?" Adam asks, shaking his head. "You don't want to tell me what's gotten into you? What's going on?" 

"No, I want to go to bed, actually." Javi says as he narrows his eyes at Adam, who's grabbing his phone. "Who are you calling?" 

"Reinforcement. Because you have to talk to me, you can't just shut down-" 

"Adam, its two in the morning, we can talk, I don't know, some other time." 

"We can talk now." Adam hits the call button, and she answers on the second ring. "Hi, sorry about the time, I just- if you could, need a little help getting through to Javi." 

"Adam, did you really just- its two AM, you can't call people in the middle of the night." Javi sighs, pulling the sheets up around him. 

"Sounds like we're having a problem? What's happened?" 

"Wish I knew the answer to that." Adam says, switching the phone to speaker as he sits on the bed with Javi, setting the phone between them. "I'd like to find out before going to bed rather than go to bed while hes- I don't know? Is he mad at me? You're on speaker, by the way." 

"Okay. Well, Javi, did something happen? Is something wrong?"

"No. I just wanna go to bed." Javi murmurs, pulling his knees to his chest. "I don't know." 

"What don't you know?" 

"If something's wrong. I just- too much in my head." 

"Is it something that happened? Something that Adam did? Are you upset with him?" 

"Nothing happened. Not really, and I- I don't know." Javi sighs, rubbing his hands over his face. "I was over it this morning. But-" He takes a deep breath, wiping away the tears escaping his eyes. "I seen Jason while we were out. It just- it brought everything back, everything that happened with him, what I found-" 

"Adam, could you give me a minute to talk to Javi alone?" 

"You should have-" Adam stops, snapping his mouth shut. "Uh, yeah. I can do that. I'll just go get cleaned up for bed." 

•••

"You look like you could use a hug," Sophia says when she runs into Adam pacing the hall. He went back to the room after changing but, Javi still needed a minute. "Things that bad?" 

Adam opens his arms to accept the hug and shakes his head. "I don't know? I left him on the phone with his therapist. I haven't been invited back yet." 

"Ooh, is that the help you mentioned calling for?" Adam nods. "Well at least he's talking to someone. I'm sure you'll get it sorted." 

"I hope so-" 

"Adam, can we talk now?" Javi leans against the door frame, phone still in his hand. 

"We can." Adam nods, telling Sophia goodnight before stepping back to the room, closing the door behind him. "What is it, babydoll?" 

"Just tell him what you just told me." 

"But I still just feel stupid over the whole thing." Javi says, going back to the bed. Adam follows. 

"Adam won't think you're stupid. We're all human here, all have the same feelings and sometimes jump to conclusions, right Adam?" 

"Right. I won't think that, I just want to know what's going on." Adam sits next to Javi, leaving some space between them. "Can I?" Reaching over, Adams hand hovering over Javi's. 

"Yeah, you can." Javi nods and Adam takes Javi's hand in his own as he shifts, turning to face Javi. "So I freaked out and overeacted-" 

"We all do that sometimes-" 

"Shut up and let me finish." Javi snaps, his eyes closing and taking a deep breath as he shakes his head. "Sorry, I didn't mean for that to come out so harsh." Adam gives his hand a squeeze, Javi glancing down at their hands. "I, um, I was straightening up the room, making space for the gifts after Christmas. I moved your bag out of the way, and a bag full of white powder fell out-"

"Shit. That- it shouldn't be there, I forgot all about it. If you would have said something I would have explained." 

"I was going to, but the more I thought about it, it was stupid to even be bothered by it, right? I'm in your things all the time and you don't care. That wouldn't be the case if you were hiding something." Javi turns his eyes up, meeting Adams gaze. "But then I'd think about Jason, and his horrible habit, how it changed him. I'd freak out all over again." 

"You were right on one thing, I don't care if you go through my things. There's nothing I'm hiding, fuck, I'm not even good at hiding things. I suck at secrets." That gets a chuckle from Javi.

"I thought I was okay tonight, today. But I seen Jason, and I panicked. I couldn't finish a drink, or take an eye off him, I was afraid he'd somehow get to my drink or sneak up on me, and then it went back to what I found and just-" Javi sighs, scooting closer to Adam. "It was stupid." 

"First off, it wasn't stupid. How you feel, your experiences, its not stupid." Adam places a kiss to Javi's forehead, "Second, do you want me to explain?" Javi nods. "Okay, well. Remember over summer on tour? After I took you to meet Noah's sister? A couple days later you had that huge panic attack, and barely spoke to me for a couple weeks? Kept telling me you were putting in your notice, would find another job and I wouldn't have to see you after the tour?"

"I remember." 

"I kinda went back to that dark place then, I thought you hated me and I'd lost you. I still don't have the healthiest ways of coping with shit, especially when I'm not really thinking things through." Adam shakes his head, a sigh leaving his lips. "I never used it. As soon as it was in my hands, I realized how dumb it was and remembered it never actually helps and I tossed it in my bag. I forgot all about it. Did you put it back? I-"

"I tossed it out." Javi shrugs, scooting closer to snuggle against Adam. "I'm sorry. I should have talked to you, I just felt so stupid every time I started to that I shut down and pushed you away instead." 

"We've talked now, and sorted it out. That's all that matters." Adam nods, his fingers under Javi's chin to tilt it up. "Can I have a kiss?" 

"I think that's my cue, you two." 

Adam laughs, phone forgotten. "I almost forgot about you. Sorry again about the time, I didn't know how else to get him talking." 

"You aren't the first, and probably won't be the last, of my patients to call me in the middle of the night. Its what I do. Now you two go, enjoy the rest of your night. I'll see you in my office when you get home." 

The call disconnects and Javi nods, "You can have a kiss." Adam cups his cheeks, closing his mouth over Javi's. The kiss lingers, and it deepens. Adams tongue asking for entrance as he's pushing Javi back and crawling over him without breaking the kiss. Nudging Adam back, Javi chuckles. "I said a kiss, chill, Unicorn." 

Meeting Javi's gaze, Adam raises an eyebrow. "That's a no to anything more?" 

"Its a no for tonight. Its late, and I'm tired. I promise I'll make it up to you later if you just hold me while we sleep." 

"You don't need to promise that. You don't need to make promises when it comes to sex, ever. If you don't want to, that's all I need." Adam moves off Javi, pulling the sheets over them. He snuggles up next to Javi. "We can sleep though, and I can hold you as much as you want. I love you." 

"I love you, Unicorn." 

•••


	31. Chapter 31

••• one year later •••

"Adam!" Javi jumps up from his spot, a grin on his face as he hops into Adams arms, legs wrapping around his waist. "What're you doing here, Unicorn? I thought you were held up in meetings?" 

Adams hands go to Javi's hips to hold him up, chuckling. "I was, but I needed this big time." He steals a kiss, after a long morning he's craving to crawl back into bed with Javi. But, Javi's working and that'll have to wait. 

"One of those days already?" Javi pouted, arms around Adams neck as Adam sets him back on the ground. "This is my only shoot for the day, and I'm hoping it won't take too long. You should hang out, and we can head home together and crawl into bed with Pharaoh." 

"Yeah, they still won't compromise on the lights I want for the tour. Some bullshit about the budget even though I said I'd pay for them myself." Adam shrugs, the tour starts in a little over two weeks anyway. Too late to change things now. "What's going on here? Tell me something good and exciting." 

"Actually. You're day might be getting worse cause I have to warn you-"

"What the fuck is he doing here?" Adam spots Jason, taking a deep breath as his gaze darts back to Javi.

"Yeah, that's what I was about to warn you about. Today's shoots with Malcolm. I couldn't for the life of me figure out why the name was familiar." Javi shakes his head, it didn't click right away. "Cute little model Jason's been dating? Yeah. That's him. It snapped when they showed up." 

"Are you okay? You can still back out, you know. You have to be careful around him, you shouldn't be-" 

"Adam, stop. I'm okay. I didn't think I would be but I've been fine. And I'm keeping my distance from him. Its not him I need to be able to work with." Javi cups Adams cheek, stealing a kiss. 

"Mister Lambert, hi. Will you be staying? Can I grab you a coffee?" Javi's assistant says, handing Javi a cup of tea. "We're all ready to start boss." 

"Hi, Gemma. Thank you, but Javi works you too hard already. I can get my own. And I've told you, it's just Adam." Adam places a kiss to Javi's forehead. "Sounds like you better get to work, babydoll." 

"Yeah, I better. Are you sticking around?" Adam nods, and Javi leans in for a kiss. "Well, if this is over soon enough and I can clear everyone out, I could use your help with a fun project." 

"Oh?" Adam raises an eyebrow, "Mister Costa Polo, you naughty man, am I finally getting those nudes?" 

"Not that kinda fun, Unicorn." 

"Oh." Adam fake pouts. "Thought you were trying to make my day better." He teases, stealing a kiss. "Get to work, I'll help with whatever you need later. Gemma's just gonna show me where the coffee is and tell me what kinda fun her and her girl have been getting up to." Nodding, Adam links arms with Gemma and laughs at Javi's eye roll.

•••

"Javi, do you even know how to work that camera? Everything you shoot is shit." 

"Maybe if you weren't in the way." Javi sighs, rubbing the bridge of his nose. 

Adams still with Gemma, chatting her up. But a glance toward Javi, and Jason is close. Far too close for Adam's liking and making too many negative comments about Javi's work. He knows Javi well enough to know its getting to him. "Gimme a second, I think we need to run interference." 

His way of excusing himself. Pushing to his feet and stepping across the studio to Javi. "Hey, why don't we all take a little breather and regroup?" 

Javi startles, but he nods. "I think that sounds like a perfect plan. Let's take ten, grab a snack, a drink, give ourselves a pep talk, whatever." Setting his camera down, Javi stares as the kid, Malcolm, jumps up and grabs his hoodie, Jason following close behind. No doubt telling him everything he did wrong. "Adam, that kid. Jason's started on him, too. He's not even engaged, like he's not there." 

Wrapping his arms around Javi from behind, Adam nods. They have a view of Jason and Malcolm on a nearby bench. Malcolm curling in on himself, flinching every time Jason moves while he's ranting at the kid. Adam sighs, Javi's right. "Show me what you've got so far, I'll go talk to him if Jason leaves him alone, if that's what you want?" 

"I want Jason away from him, he shouldn't be able to hurt anyone else like that again. But yeah, talk to him if you would and get a chance." Javi nods, "I think I'm too close, I couldn't stay cool about it." He's pulling his camera over to show Adam the shots he had so far. 

"Are you still okay? You can still back out of this or cut it short." Adam reminds, glancing over the pictures Javi's showing him. "These aren't bad, babe. But you're right about Malcolm, he's not engaged. He's going through the motions, but there's no emotion there, just a pretty face." 

"I know." Javi sighs, turning to steal a kiss as he sets the camera aside again. "I don't know how to get more out of him either." Glancing over his shoulder, toward the bench. Jason nowhere in sight. "The lights need adjusting, too. And nows your chance to go talk to Malcolm, can you send Gemma over to help me on your way over there?" 

"Can do, babydoll." 

•••

Adam sends Gemma to help Javi, and steps over to the bench in front of Malcolm. He's just a kid, and while Adam isn't on to judge a gap in ages between partners, they should at least both be legal he thinks. 

"I'm sorry, I said I'd do better- shit." Malcolm glances up from where his face is his in his hands. "Sorry, I thought you were Jason coming back." 

"Not Jason. Adam, and it's Malcolm, right?" Malcolm nods, eyes darting, scanning the room. He's tense. "Can I sit with you?" Nods again, and Adam sits on the bench. 

"Did you come to tell me what a shit job I'm doing, too? Cause I already know, I've been told. Jason's having a bad day that I'm making worse." 

"No, that's not what I came over for." Adam leans forward, elbows on his knees. He has his phone, making it look as if that's all he's doing in case Jason pops back in. Doesn't want Malcolm in anymore trouble because of talking to him. "And please, I know all about Jason's so called bad days. You know Javi dated him?" 

"I know. Javi ran out on him to be with you." Malcolm shrugs, picking at his nails. "Says he'll do it to you soon to, as soon as he gets bored and someone more exciting comes along." 

"He's still pushing that story?" Adam chuckles, shaking his head as he glances at the kid. "Look, I know all about Jason and his ways. I know he's the one who gets bored, runs out and hooks up with whoever he feels like, or just can't wait til he gets home when he's away. But he has to keep you close, just in case no one else gives him what he wants. I know about all his other quirks too." Adams quiet, doesn't want anyone to hear. "I also know you can't talk about it here, not with him around, and that even if you could? You won't, not until you're ready. I did this for Javi's benefit, so he can feel like we did something because we can both see what he's still doing. Pass me your phone." 

"He's not like that, tell Javi I'm sorry if that's how Jason was to him, but he's not anymore. He's a good guy." Malcolm raises an eyebrow, "what?" 

"You're not gonna sell me on him." Adam shakes his head. "Just do it, be discreet, just slide it across." 

Malcolm stares at Adam like he grew a second head for several long moments before doing what he asked. "What are you doing?"

"I'm putting mine and Javi's numbers in," Adam picks up the phone, entering the numbers. "I put them under a name that won't catch attention if he sees. If you need someone to talk to, someone to help, that knows what you're going through, you can call either of us. Anytime." Sliding the phone back across to him just as Javi joins him. 

Leaning in to whisper in Adams ear. "He's coming in, just act casual." Javi's in Adams lap, placing a kiss to his lips. 

Adam chuckles, arms around Javi's waist as he nods. "Mm, what's up, babydoll? Are we ready to get back to work?" 

"That's up to our star model here." Javi winks as he gives Malcolm a glance. "I'm all set whenever everyone else is ready." 

"Oh! What was it you needed my help with later?" Adam asks as Jason plants himself between them and Malcolm. 

"I need new headshots, and you always get the best ones-" 

"Getting a little old for that side of the business, aren't you Javi?" Jason says, "also see one of you's trying to steal Malcolm away from me now." 

Adam raises an eyebrow. "Me?" He shrugs. "Its tempting, he is a gorgeous boy. But he's too young for me." 

"Oh, but the fun we could have with him." Javi teases, a mischievous glance at Adam. He's ignoring the comment of him being too old. 

Adam raises an eyebrow. "Oh really, now? I can't tell if you're being serious or not." 

"You two are ridiculous." Jason shakes his head, getting up to walk away. 

Javi laughs, shaking his head as he steals a kiss from Adam. "That's a discussion for later, I need to get back to work." 

"You're horrible, you know." Adam says as Javi nods, he knows. 

Malcolm stands and stretches. "I'm good when you are, Javi. Let's get this over with so I can get home." 

Javi nods and stands as well, Adam glancing to Malcolm. "Hey, you got this. You've got the looks and the skill, own it, feel it, make that camera your bitch." 

That gets a chuckle from the kid as he nods, hand rubbing the back of his neck. "Thanks, I'll do my best." 

•••

The rest of the shoots easier, and its over quick. Something everyone's happy about. 

"Were you serious earlier? About us having some fun with that kid?" Adam asks, him and Javi still there. He's snapping those headshots Javi wanted his help with.

"What?" Javi furrows his brows, he had forgotten about that comment. He chuckles, shrugging. "I- well. Mostly I was just saying it to get at Jason. But I mean, I wouldn't say no? But I've never done anything like that." 

"I guessed as much, babydoll. Is it something you'd want to try?" Adam raises an eyebrow. "And I mean in general. Not just Malcolm. I mean, I wouldn't say no to that either. The kids gorgeous, and if he ever finds himself single and of legal age-" 

"You can stop there. Because he's not legal or single right now." Javi chuckles and shakes his head. "But, yeah? It does sound interesting. I wouldn't know where to start though, and it'd have to be someone I know and could trust." 

"We can talk about it more another time. Figure out the details. But of course it'd have to be someone we both trust. I'm not talking about bringing some stranger into our bed." Adam nods, setting the camera down and moving over to Javi. Cupping Javi's cheeks, he places a kiss to his lips. "I never know how good I'm doing at this photography thing, you know I don't have a clue what I'm doing." 

"You say that every time, and every time you have the best shots." Javi chuckles, arms encircling Adams waist. "Let's go see before we head home and while we're at it you can tell me about that talk you had with Malcolm this afternoon." 

"Wasn't much of a talk. He didn't say much. He was too afraid Jason was going to see him talking to me. Not that he said that, but you could tell." Adam takes Javi's hand and leads him over to look over the pictures. "Didn't think it was a great place to talk myself with him lurking around. So I did what I could, and I gav him both our numbers and told him if he did want to talk or needed anything, to call. But really its up to him, he's not going to leave or see that what's going on isn't right until he's ready." 

"I didn't even think about Jason creeping around. Not until he came back in, that's why I went over like I did. Make it look like you just happened to be chilling there with the kid." Javi shakes his head. "And you're right, he has to see it himself and want help. But he needs someone to reach out too when that happens so that was good, giving him that."

"Not really hopeful that it'll happen anytime soon." 

"Probably not." Javi shrugs, raising an eyebrow at Adam. "And you're sure photography isn't you thing? Cause these are fantastic as usual." 

"I'm positive, but it does help that you're so photogenic and fucking perfect." Adam steals a kiss. "So, are we done? I'm getting hungry and so ready to get home and crash." 

"Yeah, Unicorn. We're good here, just let me pack up my camera and we'll get outta here. In the meantime, you can decide what's for dinner." 

•••

"I can't believe you did that!" Javi slams the door as they enter the house they've shared the last six months. "What is your problem?" 

"His hand was on your ass as I pulled up, how the fuck did you expect me to react?" Adam turns to face Javi, fists clenching at his sides. "What was he even doing there again? Can you not speak up and refuse to work with him around?" 

"Your suppose to trust me, that's how your suppose to react." Javi backs a few steps away from Adam. Not that Adam scares him, Adam wouldn't hurt him, but the raised voices, the arguments that happen, a year and a half on, it still gets to him. The bright side is they're rare between them. "Oh, so now you get to tell me who I can and can't work with? Do I need your permission to leave the house? Fuck, maybe I should just go back to being your assistant so you know where I am and who I'm with at all times. Or maybe you want a copy of my schedule so you can tell me which appointments I'm allowed to go to?" 

"I do trust you. I don't trust him or know what kinda shit he might pull." Adam stares at Javi. He's stressing over the upcoming tour and being away from Javi so long. It has him overreacting to Jason, but him being so close to Javi for a second day. His hands being on Javi. He lost it, ready to fight right there on the beach, and he's not a fighter. "You are blowing what I said way outta proportion. That's not-" rubbing the bridge of his nose. "I'm asking that one person stay away from you, out of your studio, away from shoots. Jason. That's it. And Jesus Christ, is the kid blind, stupid or just doesn't care? Jason was not subtle-" 

"He's young and impressionable. Probably doesn't know any better. A lot like me at that age." Javi frowns, not the first time Adams said something about Malcolm being stupid for being with Jason. He flinches when Adam steps closer, the anger in Adams eyes has Javi on edge. "I'm so tired of the comments about how stupid he must be. Says a lot about what you think of me for staying with him as long as I did." 

"What? You know I don't mean it that way." Adam furrows his eyebrows, shaking his head. "And now you're gonna back away and cower as if I've ever hit you, because I'm so much like him."

"Well you're acting an awful lot like him right now!" 

"I'm-" Adam shakes his head again. "This is going nowhere." And everything he says comes out wrong, or Javi twists. Its better if he walks away right now. Sighing, Adam pushes past Javi to the kitchen, stomping out the back door. He needs a minute to cool down. 

•••

Twenty minutes go by before Adam has a lap full of Javi. He's lounging under the pool cabana, head back, eyes closed. He brings his arms to encircle Javi, but Javi's lips close over his in a rough kiss before he gets there. His hands going to Javi's hips instead. 

"I don't wanna fight. I'm sorry." Javi murmurs against Adams lips, hips rolling down against Adams. 

"I'm sorry, too." Adam breathes, hands sliding down over Javis ass. Squeezing.

"I know you're not him, and I don't blame you for not trusting him." Javi had a minute, used it to consider things for Adams perspective. "You're really sexy when you're that angry, by the way." He says as he's undoing Adam jeans, pulling them open.

"So that's what this is about? Cause you seemed hot and bothered by it in a bad way on the way home." Adam raises an eyebrow, Javi stands to remove his own pants. 

"Well, I was busy trying not to throw up in the car since you wouldn't lower your voice or just shut up." Javi's straddling Adam as Adams reaching for their stash of lube. Rocking his hips against Adams, Javi moans. He shifts to push Adams briefs down to free his cock, fingers encircling the length. "There's a stash of condoms out here, right?" 

"Shit, I'm sorry. I should've known you were having a moment." Adam murmurs, hips bucking up into Javi's hand. Raising an eyebrow, he nods. "There is, but I thought we were past using them." 

Javi lifts up when Adam nudges him to do so. Fingers coated in generous amounts of lube as he finds Javi's entrance. "We are normally, but remember last time we had spontaneous unplanned sex and you got that killer UTI?" 

"You have to bring that up now? Ugh. That was horrible, and I thought it was never going away." Adam cringes at the memory, pushing two fingers into Javi, curling them against that magic spot. "Yeah, the condoms are a good plan in that case. They're under the cushion behind me." 

Javi digs his fingers into Adams shoulders, not expecting that assault on his prostate so quick. "Fuck-" His hips rock against Adam's fingers, and Adam has a third finger fucking into him before Javi manages to grab the condoms. "Jesus Christ, why the hurry?" 

"Didn't know we were drawing this out." Adam chuckles, fingers pressing against that spot again, but moving slower. 

"We're- fuck. We're not. Just- wasn't expecting you to just shove your fingers in all at once." Javi murmurs, tearing the condom wrapper open. "Don't you dare slow down now, just fucking get in me." 

"Thought you'd be use to that in these situations by now." Adam pulls his fingers free, taking the wrapper from Javi to remove the condom. Rolling it onto his dick, giving a few slow strokes, using the lube still on his fingers to slick his length. Holding his cock steady at the base, his free hand guides Javi down, moaning in unison as Javi sinks down flush in Adam's lap. "Fuck, I've missed you." 

"Haven't gone anywhere for you to miss me." Javi murmurs, adjusting himself in Adams lap. His hands on Adams shoulders for support as he lifts up, and sits back down, setting a steady pace. "So fucking full." 

"No, I mean like this. I've missed this." They keep busy, too much going on lately. Both exhausted by the end of the day,  schedules don't line up, and they haven't been taking time out for them. Adam shifts, bending his knees, feet flat on the chair. Adjusting to get the leverage he needs to buck his hips up, meeting each thrust as Javi moves downward. 

"This, yeah, I've missed this, too." Javi murmurs between whimpers and moans, Adam hitting him in all the right ways. "Fuck yes, Adam. Fuck- fuck me." Speeding up the pace, neither will last long this way. Adams fingers encircling Javi's dick, using precome to ease the slide as he strokes him in time with their thrusts. 

Adam thumbs the slit of Javi's length, his moans drawn out as he reaches climax. The warm liquid easing the slide of Adams hand even more, and his muscles contracting pulling Adam over the edge with him. Javi rocks his hips until they're both finished and too sensitive for more stimulation. "Fuck, babydoll." Murmuring, Adam grips the base of the condom as Javi lifts off him. 

"Make up sex might be my favorite." Javi breathes as he collapses against Adams chest. 

"If we could just find a way to do it without the argument first." Adam chuckles, removing the condom and dropping it to the ground. "I love you."

"We'll have to figure out how to do that." Javi sighs, pliant and satisfied against Adam. "I love you, and we need to make proper time for us before you leave." He says, pressing kisses to Adams neck. 

"We do, I know. We'll look through our schedules tomorrow and find some time." Adam nods, arms wrapping around Javi's waist. "What about while I'm on tour?" 

"Is planning and scheduling for sex really necessary? It seems so weird." Javi chuckles, and he nods. "We already talked about that one. I've got a shoot in the city while you're in New York, so I'll be there, and we're meeting up in Colorado. My family wants to come see you, so it'll be a bonus visit there, too." 

"It does seem weird to do, but it is necessary. Especially as busy as we both are, its easy to put it off, or forget about little things like taking time for each other, or ourselves." Adam laughs, nodding. "See? I even forget discussions we've had already. That's right, we did figure that out." 

"I knew that answer already." Javi laughs, shifting to stand. "Come on, Unicorn. I need a shower, you should come with me." 

"Telling me I stink?" Adam teases, letting Javi help him up. "Its still early. We should get everyone over for an impromptu party." 

"No, but you do have come all over you, and I might be hoping for round two." Javi teases, leading the way inside. "Fine with me, whatever you wanna do, babe."

•••

The house and backyard fills with their friends. Javi loves how everyone blends and gets along together, his friends, Adams friends, people they met together. It's perfect. He's talking and joking with Danielle, Adam across the yard, drink in hand, dancing and chatting with a small group. 

Javi grins as Adam catches his eye, both men in such different places than they were when they met over a year and a half ago. It still isn't easy, they both still have bad days, Javi's still learning how a real relationship works, but there's more good days than bad.

Javi crouches down, Pharaoh at his feet. The pups happy to people watch when the house is full, but he loves it more when they give him attention. Leaning down, Javi makes kissy noises at the pup, letting Pharaoh jump all over him as he scratches behind the dogs ears. 

Adam laughs loud across the yard, Javi imagines he's laughing at his own jokes. His voice catches his and Pharaoh's attention, the pup running to his other human. Javi grins, staring as Adam bends to give the dog attention.

"Javi, are you even in the same world?" Javi's standing straight again, turns toward the voice. 

Right. He was chatting the Danielle before his boys distracted him. "Yeah, I am. What were you saying?" Adams singing now, its obnoxious and loud, singing to whatever's playing. Javi has a hard time focusing on anything else. 

"Did you hear a word I said?" Danielle laughs when Javi stares at her, a deer in the headlights as he tries to remember what they were talking about. "Nothing important, Love. Go to your man, you disgusting lovebirds." 

"No, it's fine. He's enjoying himself without me clinging, I just got distra-" 

"Javier, shut your mouth. He loves your clinging." Danielle turns him toward Adam and gives him a nudge in that direction. "Now go, or I'll throw you in the pool." 

Javi rolls his eyes, laughing as he glances over his shoulder at her. "Oh I'm so scared of that threat. Like I'm afraid to get wet?" Sticking his tongue out at her, he shakes his head before crossing the yard to Adam. 

Adams still chatting, so Javi kisses his cheek and tucks himself under Adams arm, arms encircling Adams waist. It takes a few minutes before Adam excuses himself, turning to face Javi. Pressing a kiss to his lips, Adam smiles into it, hands cupping Javi's cheeks. "What's up, babydoll?" 

"You didn't have to send them away because of me." Javi points out, returning that kiss, chasing after more. "Nothings up though, Danielle just told me we're disgusting and shoved me over here." 

"It's okay. I was craving a fix from my love. Dance with me." Adam leads them to a clear spot, out of the way. Where they'll have a little privacy from the rest of the group. Laughing, Adam pulls Javi close. "You were doing that whole staring and not listening thing again, weren't you?" 

"Uh- no. Maybe. Okay, I was, you're distracting." Javi laughs, draping his arms over Adams shoulders as they sway to the music, a slower song playing. "And I love watching you so happy, surrounded by people. Right where you belong." 

"And you in my arms makes it even better." Adams hands slide down to Javi's hips, pulling him closer. "I love you." 

"Such a cheeseball, even after all this time." Javi laughs, leaning his forehead against Adams. "I love you." 

The song changes, a faster tempo and Adam steals another kiss before turning Javi. Javi's back pressing to Adams chest as the move together. Dancing. Or more Adam grinding against him and trying to pass it as dancing, but Javi would never complain having Adam so close. 

Javi tilts his head back against Adams shoulder, hands over Adams on his hips. "We'll be going for round three at this rate, Unicorn." 

"Maybe that's what I'm trying for. When everyone leaves, I am definitely looking forward to you in our bed where we can take our time this round." Adam whispers against Javi's ear, lips brushing his neck. 

"You're such a tease sometimes." Javi chuckles. 

They spend hours like that, moving against each other, dancing to anyone glancing their way. But its more of a tease and long drawn out foreplay. The guests are finally thinning out, only their closest friends sticking around. 

Back to Adam again. Javi brings his arms up, head tilted back on Adams shoulder and a hand tangling in Adams hair as Adam licks the shell of his ear. 

"I get tired, I get crazy,  
You're the one that never ran away." 

Adams singing along, something Adam always does but right now its quiet, just for Javi. Javi grins, pressing his hips back against Adams. 

"So let's get drunk, go to Vegas,  
And I'll show you what you mean to me." 

Adams hands slide down to Javi's hips, nipping at his earlobe and giving a light tug. Javi chews his lower lip, pushing away from Adam enough he can turn to face him. His eyes meet Adams, shining bright and happy in the moonlight. "Let's do it." 

"Do-" Javi's stealing kisses, Adam busy chasing after them instead of finishing his question, cupping Javi's cheeks. "Let's do what?" 

"Go to Vegas. I have some free time next week." Javi says, his eyes darting between Adam's lips and eyes. His hand on Adams chest, over his heart. "I love you. Let's make it forever." 

"You're drunk."

"When have you known me to get drunk? Totally sober and serious." Javi chews his lower lip, pushing a strand of Adams hair from his face. 

"Right-" Adam pauses, searching Javi's gaze. He finds no hesitation, nothing at all that says Javi is anything but serious. "Fuck, you're serious. Right now?" 

"Before you leave for tour. Tuesday and Wednesday are totally free for me." Javi answers, searching Adams face. 

"I-" Adam pauses, unsure what to say. It takes a moment for his lips to curl into a smile. "I don't have anything I can't handle over the phone this week. Are you one hundred percent sure?" 

"I don't think I've ever been more sure of anything." 

"Fuck, okay. Let's do this." Adam has his phone, booking flights and hotels for them. "We leave Monday night." 

They stare at each other, matching grins. Adam pressing a kiss to Javi's lips as Javi's phone rings. "Can't wait." He says as he answers his phone without looking at who it was. Whoever it was has horrible timing. "Hola."

"I know its late, and I'm sorry if I've woke you but Adam gave me the number and I didn't know who else to call, but I need-"

Its a rush of words on the other end. Javi's eyebrows narrow trying to keep up and pick out the voice. "Malcolm? Hey, slow down." He glances to Adam, grabbing his hand and leading him inside. Finding a quiet place away from their friends ears. "Hey, Adams here, too. Is it okay if I put you on speaker?" 

"That's fine, but I'm just gonna go. I shouldn't have called, I've clearly interupted-" 

"Hey, Malcolm." Adam cuts him off as Javi gets the speaker on. "Why don't you just tell us why you called? You haven't interrupted or woken us up, there's no need to apologize." 

"I- uh- just- fuck, it's Jason, okay?" 

"Is he around? Are you okay?" Javi asks. 

"No, he ran off outta town for a shoot or some shit. And I'm in the ER but I'm fine, or I will be anyway. I just-" There's a sigh, and a groan of pain as Malcolm shifts. "I can't go home, I dont want to go back and wait for him like I'm expected to. I didn't want to call and worry my mom in the middle of the night-" 

"So you need a place to crash for the night?" Javi asks, his gaze meeting Adams to check they were on the same page. 

"Yeah. I'll take a couch and be outta your hair first thing in the morning." 

"Can you get yourself here okay? You're more than welcome. And don't worry about being in a rush to get up and leave." Adam says. 

"Yeah, I can grab a Lyft. I just need an address." 

Adam nods, rattling off the address. When they hang up, they go back to the living room, and the few friends still hanging out there.

•••

"Get the door, babydoll. I'll be right there." 

Javi nods, stealing a kiss as he gets up to head to the door. 

"You guys expecting someone this time of night?" Danielle's the only one still there, always the one linger longer than the others.

"Wasn't expected until about twenty minutes ago. But yeah." Adam gets up, excusing himself as he gets up to join Javi. He finds Malcolm slumped in Javi's arms in tears. Though he has a hoodie pulled over his head, and Adam can't see him clearly. "Hey, everything okay?" 

"Yeah, its fine. Or. No, its really not, but it will be I guess. I don't know, I'm just humiliating myself more than I already have." Malcolm rambles, straightening up and wiping his eyes. He winces as he takes a deep breath, arm going around his torso. "Sonofabitch." 

"You can't possibly humiliate yourself here. No ones judging for anything." Adam offers a smile, Danielle coming around the corner. "You okay?" 

"My rides here. You boys have fun, I don't need details." She teases, kissing both Javi and Adams cheek and waving at Malcolm before disappearing. 

"I'm fine. You had company and I'm ruining your night, just- I just want to sleep and I'll figure out what to do tomorrow. I'll just go back home-" 

Adam shakes his head. "Look, if you want to go back home to Jason we can't stop you. That's your choice to make. But don't go back just because you think you have no other choice, you do." Turning back toward the living room, Adam motions Javi and Malcolm to follow. "Actually. We might have a favor to ask. How good are you at keeping secrets?" 

Malcolm raises an eyebrow. "A favor from me? I don't know how I could be of any help and you barely know me, how do you know I would do what you ask?" But he nods. "I'm good with secrets though." 

"We don't, but we'd be putting a lot of trust in you to keep your word. So don't screw up." Adam jokes with that last part. "We can explain over coffee?" 

"Do you have tea?" Malcolm asks, struggling with getting his hoodie off, getting more and more winded with it. 

"We do. Javi, do you want anything, babydoll? And maybe you could help Malcolm out of his jacket?" Adam presses a kiss to Javi's lips. 

"Just waters, fine." Javi answers and nods, and Adam disappears to the kitchen. 

•••

"So Malcolm-" Adam starts, stopping as soon as he gets a good look at him. The hoodie gone, the do bruising around Malcolm's neck is visible, the bruise along his cheek bone and the side of his face, the tears streaking his face, old and new. "Are you okay? Do you want to talk about what happened?" He asks, handing Malcolm the cup of tea, Javi a bottle of water, his coffee in his own hand. 

Malcolm shakes his head. "I'm not at all, but it'll heal. Just a couple broken ribs and some bruises. Could have been worse considering I'm sure he was trying to kill me." Malcolm shrugs, taking the cup of tea. "Thanks. And I'd rather not talk about it right now. What was it you wanted my help with?" 

Adam nods. "Remind me to get you an ice pack before we send you to bed. Did you get anything for the pain?" He asks, sitting beside Javi. "What we were going to ask, right." He glances to Javi. "We were just making plans when you called. We'll be going out of town in a few days, and this is where the secret comes in, yeah? Can't tell anyone." 

"Lips are sealed." 

"We're going to Vegas and eloping." Javi says with a grin he can't contain. Excited energy pouting from him, its so good to tell someone. 

"No shit? Congrats." Malcolm manages a smile, excited for the two of them. 

"Yeah, thanks." Adam grins, stealing a glance with Javi. "So, the question is, how are you with dogs? Its a top secret trip, so we can't really ask our usual suspects without getting the third degree about what we're doing." 

"Aw, I love dogs. I'd I've to watch him- or her?" 

"His names Pharaoh, and- Well I don't know where he's hiding right now or I'd get him." Adam chuckles. "Just a couple things. You stay here with him, don't worry about being a bother or in the way, there's plenty of room. Take your time and heal, figure out what your next step is. And under no circumstances is Jason to be in the house or anywhere near it. If you decide to go back to him, that's your business. We won't judge. But he can't be here." 

Malcolm nods, it was a fair request. "Yeah, I can handle that." 

"So, we have a deal? We won't be gone long. We leave Monday night, we'll be back Wednesday afternoon." Adam says, glancing to Javi to check he's good with the plan. "Is that okay, babydoll?" 

Nodding, Javi places a kiss to Adams lips. "Its perfect, Unicorn." Javi turns to Malcolm. "Big leap in trust here, which is pretty huge for me after Jason. But, no pressure. Honestly, just take care of the dog, don't burn the house down, and no Jason unless you go to him." 

"I don't think I'll be moving much more than I absolutely have to for a couple weeks, so I can handle those things." Malcolm nods. "And thank you both, for, well, all of this. I swear I'll be outta your hair quick. I'll go to my mom as soon as I don't look so bad. She'll freak, and  I'm- I'll be fine, it'll heal. She doesn't need to worry." 

"Trust me, she's gonna worry. Even years later. Speaking from experience." Javi chuckles, leaning into Adam with a yawn. 

"I think we could all use some rest, yeah? Javi, why don't you show Malcolm to the guest room and see if you can find him something of yours to sleep in? You two look about the same size. I'll grab those ice packs." Adam says, then turns to Malcolm. "The guest room is complete with ensuite, total privacy, and help yourself to anything in there. Grab a shower, soak in the tub, whatever you want. There should be extra blankets in the closet if you need them." 

"Great, thanks." 

Javi nods, standing and reaching to help Malcolm up, leading him upstairs to the guest room, Adam going to the kitchen for the ice packs. 

•••


End file.
